


Naked Apes

by MagentasNightmare



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: A little like 'House' the character...until later in the story, AU, Alternate Universe, Cocky Merle, Confident Merle, DON'T LIKE - DON'T READ (I'm not changing what I write for anyone:), F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Merle Dixon and younger woman, Merle is a SEX DEMON!!!, Merle is a professor of anthropology, Mystery involving OFCs mother, Older Man/Younger Woman, Rom/Com elements, Smut, angst toward the end, ge, romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-10 15:45:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 52,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7851280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagentasNightmare/pseuds/MagentasNightmare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>April needs answers to what happened to her mother in the last year of her life. The search for those answers leads her to a man named Merle Dixon and she soon finds that she's never known anyone quite like him. This is a story about dreams, love, insecurity, anthropology, closure and the ability to change and be forgiven for normal human failings.<br/>Hope you enjoy! Teagan xo</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KrissyG927](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrissyG927/gifts).



> As ALWAYS I owe EVERYTHING to Krissyg49 who reads everything I write and offers me insights and encouragement that make all that I do possible. I would not and could not do this without her. I love you Krissy!!! XOXO  
> Now on with the story...

_ **Naked Apes** _

_**Chapter One / Prologue**_

 

“ _You think you're clever and why wouldn't you? You're in university, sitting before me with a head full of information absorbed from text books and years of education under your belts. You've benefited from a society that has valued you, raised you up and fostered your eager little minds._

_The fact that half of you are probably thinking of who you fucked last night or hope to fuck next weekend is not a discredit to your intelligence; it's the result of your biology and nothing more. You were evolved to think of such things to the point of distraction._

_Still, Homo Sapiens are the best this planet has to offer in terms of intelligence. Mankind has achieved amazing things, despite our beginnings as lesser evolved primates sharing a common ancestor with the modern day chimpanzee._

_Plato, da Vinci, Issac Newton, Galileo, Marie Curie...all great thinkers to be admired. We have evolved from out of the depths to become the masters of our planet, to hold dominion over all its other creatures._

_We are both capable of groundbreaking thought and simultaneously driven by greed, lust, and violence. What is my point in all this you may ask? My point is that you'd be wise to remember what you could achieve if you can keep your mind off the weekend long enough but also never forget why you're thinking so much of next weekend. Me, you and everyone you've ever met...we are really nothing more than evolved naked apes. Welcome to Gender, Sexuality, and Society; otherwise known as the most interesting parts of Anthropology. I'm Professor Dixon, let's get started shall we?”_

 

**April hit pause on the video playing on her computer and frowned at the screen. She'd never come across the likes of Merle Dixon and felt uneasy like she might be out of her depth approaching him for the answers she needed, but he was the only one who might know...**

 

 

 

 


	2. Mr. Overtime

_**Chapter 2 – Mr. Overtime** _

_**I left my keys in the car last night** _

_**Imagination was running wild** _

_**I got my phone but never charge it right** _

_**Those kinds of things they always slip my mind** _

_**When I got home and opened up the blinds** _

_**Must have forgot, it wasn't broad daylight** _

_**Wish I could see that the red lights flash** _

_**just to avoid another body crash** _

_**Don't you mind, don't you mind** _

_**Here comes Mr. Overtime** _

_**and he's cool with your friends** _

_**Keep in mind he's one of a kind** _

_**Here comes Mr. Overtime** _

_**and he's cool with your friends** _

_**~ Punks Jump Up ft. Dave 1** _

_**############################################** _

"I think it'll be an interesting piece," April continued, trying to suppress her eagerness and treat it like any other pitch. The truth was that she wanted an excuse to talk to this man. It was also true that he would make a great subject and that the interview would be infinitely fascinating, but it was more than that. He may have the answers she'd never find anywhere else. Whatever was going on with her mother in the last year of her life could possibly be answered with one conversation, it was her only shot. She didn't know the nature of their association though and wanted to get closer before asking about her mother.

"So he's a professor of anthropology?" Nigel asked.

"Yes, and he's made a bit of a name for himself in the field. He has some frank ways of speaking about the evolution of human sexuality; a very colorful character," she laughed, hoping to reel her editor in chief into the boat.

"And you think you can secure an interview?"

"I think so. I sent an email to his office, and I'm just waiting for a response, but he seems to like interviews and talking about himself."

"The late spring issue can be a slow one so maybe something a little titillating would be an order," he mused.

Nigel was a sweet man and exceptionally good at his job. April had only been at _Behavior and Science_ magazine for a year but already knew that he was the key to getting ahead and doing the stories she wanted. He was funny and casual but took his role seriously as well.

"It could be very titillating but still very informative; he's highly regarded as the best in his field. He's also working on a book set to be published next year, so if we make ourselves known to him, perhaps we could also secure an exclusive interview when it's released. This book is going to be a complete overview of his research on human sexuality and anthropology; there's a lot of buzz about it."

"Good thinking," he grinned. "I see you've done your research."

"Yep!"

"How about I give you a shot at the lead article with this?"

"Are you serious?"

"I think you're more than ready. I want an in-depth interview with this man. I want you to get everything on him and his work, get what you can on his new book...everything. Let me know if he accepts the interview as soon as it happens, and I'll give you the next few weeks to work on it exclusively. You can even go down to Atlanta to get everything done on location."

"Nigel, this is...I don't even know what to say."

"You're smart and enthusiastic, April. I've been waiting for a chance to see you fly and this is the story you seem to be into so go for it," he smiled.

"Thank you, Nigel."

"Credit where credit is due," he nodded, leaving her office.

_**#################################################** _

April left the office that evening and stopped by the gym to run off her excitement so she could sleep. Everything was coming up roses; she just needed to hear from Professor Dixon's office that he'd accepted the interview and she'd be one step closer to furthering her career and getting the answers she was seeking.

She pulled her black hair up into a bun and turned on her playlist to start her run. She was new to running but had become addicted to it as a stress reliever since her mother's death.

She was ten minutes into her run when she got an email that made her stop the treadmill.

 **[Re: Interview with** **_Behavior and Science_ **

**I'm available at your earliest convenience, Miss Sumner. Just call me 306 776-2297, and we can set something up. M. Dixon**

April's mother never changed her name when she got married. Marion Banks was not the kind of woman to change her name for any man, so she didn't expect Professor Dixon to recognize who she was by her name, although it was entirely possible that her mother had mentioned her. If that ended up being the case, she planned to act surprised and brush it off as a coincidence, but she hoped that wasn't how it panned out. She wanted to know who this man really was and what he meant to her mother and assumed she could get closer if she remained incognito in the beginning.

She was panting and giddy as she read the message and exclaimed "YES!" in the middle of the gym. It was a surprise that he'd be answering his own email but he seemed interested, and that was perfect for her.

After her run, she hit the showers and let the hot water work out all the kinks. It flowed down over her skin and melted away all the anxiety she'd felt in the last few weeks. Her mind was relaxed for the first time in ages after finally making some progress on the mystery. April's dark hair and eyes were the spitting image of her father's. She really looked nothing like her blonde haired and green eyed mother, at least she didn't think so. Besides the fact that she was also under 5 foot 5 just like her there was no real resemblance.

April had only just found the nerve to go through all her mother's belongings and her laptop recently. There were a few things that still remained a mystery like a flash drive labeled 'journal' that was locked with a password. She'd gone through a number of combinations of birth dates and nicknames trying to figure out the right password to get in but still had no luck. In order to not repeat any that she'd tried already, she had an ongoing list of about 40, and none of them worked. She was finding scraps of information; puzzle pieces that she needed to put together. It had been a little over a year and her father, Anthony, was still a mess most of the time. She wanted answers for him as much as herself.

A year before her death, her mother Marion had left a seemingly happy marriage out of the blue and devastated everyone around her. Her mother was a successful therapist so leaving those close to her in the dark seemed especially odd. April had still been on uncertain terms with her when she passed away, and that was something she'd always regret. A lifetime of being close had all led up to confusion at her behavior in the final year of her life and then a sudden accidental death while on holiday overseas. She wanted to believe it wasn't as it seemed and that there was a good explanation for her mother's behavior but so far there didn't seem to be.

Merle Dixon was an unexplained contact in her mother's emails, but only a few emails hadn't been deleted before her death, it looked like she was making a clean break from a lot of things. From what she'd read they appeared to be close, but April didn't even know how she knew him. She hoped to find that out, but she wanted to do it undercover so she wouldn't have a conflict of interest with her job. She was taking a risk, but she needed to know.

April knew there was suspicion of her mother being unfaithful in the end and that it was thought to be the reason for the sudden split, but it was hard to imagine. Her mom and dad had been together since they were eighteen. April had been the result of an unplanned teenage pregnancy, but it had all worked out, or so she thought. Her parents had gotten married and beat the odds in everyone's eyes, both going to university with huge support from their families and staying together almost to the end.

April got dressed and made her way through the parking lot of the gym to her jeep where she pulled out her phone to confirm the interview. It would mean going all the way to Atlanta but it was more than worth it, and her boyfriend would just have to manage.

She dialed the number and cleared her throat as it rang a few times. She was just about to hang up when the distinctive gravely voice came through. She had played a few online videos of his classes, and his voice was very distinctive and frankly sexy as hell.

"Yeah?"

Hardly a formal greeting.

"Hello. My name is April Sumner; I contacted you about the interview?"

"That's right, sounds good to me. When did you wanna to do it?" he asked casually.

"Actually, my editor was interested in me doing a more in-depth piece if you'd be at all interested. With your book coming out next year it could be a really fascinating article if you'd be so kind as to grant us some more of your time."

"I like the sound of your voice," he said out of nowhere, and she felt herself respond immediately despite her own good sense.

"Oh...thank you."

**_What the hell am I supposed to say to that?_ **

"You can have as much of my time as you like," he offered. 'It's almost the end of the semester, so I'm available a lot more."

"Thanks so much for this. I can be in Atlanta in just a few days to get started. Perhaps I could meet you at your office?"

"How about I take you to dinner first. A bit more casual, don't you think?"

"Uh...yes. Whatever you like is fine with me."

"Be careful sayin' that," he laughed, and she felt completely off-kilter, but she suspected that's just how he liked it.

"Do you always just say whatever you're thinking?" she asked in a tone she didn't quite recognize from herself.

"Yes, and it's not always a good thing."

She laughed because she couldn't think what else to say. He was the kind of man you had to keep your eye on, that much was clear. He was the type who enjoyed using words to keep the other person on edge, and he wasn't afraid to provoke or offend. She couldn't help but find it charming but then reminded herself why she was trying to get closer to him in the first place; she needed answers. April had a feeling she'd have to keep reminding herself of her true motivations as she got further into the process.

"So, should I just call you when I arrive or is there something specific you'd like?" she asked, trying to drift back into more professional mode.

"Yeah, gimme a call, and I'll take you for dinner. That good?"

"That's just fine, thank you so much for being so accommodating."

"No problem, honey. See you when you get here."

"Goodnight, Mr. Dixon."

"Goodnight, April."

The sound of her name from his mouth was strange, but she liked it somehow. Merle Dixon was sure to be a very interesting piece of the puzzle.

#######################################

Just for a laugh and to shake things up I titled all the chapters with the song I was playing at the time I wrote it and added some lyrics of the song to the start of each chapter. I tend to find a song that fits the mood I need and play it on repeat until the chapter is completed. Each song is just the right tone for all these chapters in my mind if you wanted to look them up. It's weird, but it works for me. LOL

Thanks for reading:) XOXO Teagan


	3. Possibly, Maybe

_**Chapter 3 – Possibly Maybe** _

_**Your flirt finds me out** _ **  
** **Teases the crack in me** **  
** **Smittens me with hope**

 

_**Possibly maybe probably, love** _

 

 _**As much as I definitely enjoy solitude** _ _**  
** _ _**I wouldn't mind perhaps** _ _**  
** _ _**Spending little time with you** _ **  
** **Sometimes** **  
** **Sometimes**

 

_**Possibly maybe probably, love** _

 

 _**Uncertainty excites me** _ _**  
** _ _**Baby** _ _**  
** _ _**Who knows what's going to happen?** _ **  
** **Lottery or car crash** **  
** **Or you'll join a cult**

_**~ Bjork** _

_**####################################################** _

The next day Nigel was happy to hear it was all arranged and approved her first out of state assignment. She was going to be put up in a hotel with all expenses paid while she got the interview and spoke with other people who worked with Professor Dixon.

She was let out of work a day early to get ready to go out of state. She figured she should meet her boyfriend, Dave, for lunch to explain. She expected some whining but this was a huge opportunity for her, and he'd have to deal with it. Despite wanting a relationship, April found most men incompatible with her for some reason, and Dave was panning out to be no exception.

She pulled up in the parking lot of the lounge where they'd met two months before and saw his car. He was nice enough, but she couldn't see them getting married or anything. He was a fresh-faced handsome firefighter, and people said he was the catch of the century, but she wasn't so sure. For a man who fought fires, he could be a little too sensitive for her liking at times, but she felt bad for thinking such a thing.

Women were supposed to want a sensitive man, weren't they?

She wondered what was going on when they watched Titanic for a laugh, and he ended up crying while she just looked at him, completely baffled. She liked a good chick flick and would tear up occasionally too but that's what a boyfriend was for, a man to dry your tears and maybe tease you a little when you got weepy. She didn't tease him or anything, but she couldn't quite wrap her head around it.

She walked into the lounge and sat across the table from him as he was texting someone on his phone.

"So why do you have the afternoon off?" he asked, not looking up.

"They're sending me away on assignment," she said in an excited voice.

"Where?" he said, looking up at her like his dog had just been run over.

"Atlanta."

"For what?"

"Get this. Nigel is giving me the lead piece in the late spring issue!"

"How long will you be gone?" he asked.

"Not sure yet, maybe 2-3 weeks tops. Isn't that exciting?"

"Yeah, congrats. Are you flying out?"

"Yeah, it's only an hour flight to Atlanta from Jacksonville, so it'll be cheap for the magazine to cover and I'm pretty sure my hotel will be modest, but this is a huge break."

"It's great, I guess. Are covering an event or is it an interview?" he asked.

The waitress came to the table just then, and they ordered their lunch. April used the time to think of how to put it. She'd only just discovered the information about Merle Dixon and the rest of the tidbits from her mother's possessions in the last month and hadn't spoken to him about it. He just wasn't the kind of boyfriend you talked to about deep things. They'd only been together a couple months and, although she did like him, their connection was more of a surface level one. They had an OK sex life and liked some of the same things, but he didn't make her laugh or make her heart skip a beat. April actually wondered if that kind of thing was real anyway or if it was just kid stuff she'd felt as a hormonal teenager.

She was 27 now, and it had been years since she'd gone crazy for someone, she missed that feeling.

"It's an interview with an anthropologist; it should be really interesting."

"You ever been to Atlanta?" he asked, taking a sip of his drink.

"No, but it shouldn't be too hard. I'll just rent a car and guess my way around," she laughed.

Dave looked apprehensive; he always looked vaguely apprehensive.

"I'll be fine," she insisted.

"You told your dad yet?"

"No, but I'll call him tonight. This is going to be great! My own lead article!" she sighed with a huge grin on her face. His projection of constant panic wasn't going to ruin this moment for her; she was too excited to allow that.

_**#############################################** _

That night she packed up her bags and spoke to Nigel on the phone about her coach seat tickets and swanky discount hotel accommodations. She didn't care about anything like that, though, she finally felt like a real journalist now and also like a detective. She was on her way to finding out what the hell was going on with her mother in that last year, she hoped so anyway. April eyed the small urn on her TV stand containing her half of her mother's ashes. She'd never have the chance to be close to her again, but maybe she could find answers to explain why they'd moved apart in the first place.

She walked around her apartment from one room to the next arranging things for her departure, cleaning, packing, checking notes for the interview and generally losing her mind. Her apartment was tiny, but it was only her there, so she figured, why live anywhere huge?

When everything was in order, she plopped down on the couch to go over her paperwork for the interview. She knew a little about the man from the internet, but she wanted to get to the real heart of everything and cut through the image he was presenting. He was a deliberate provocateur, and although it was very entertaining and charming, at least to her, there had to be more to him.

Merle Dixon had a small group of people who didn't like him as well, though. A woman on campus had accused him of making sexist statements the year before, but upon review, the University found that no such claim could be substantiated. He pointed out differences in the two sexes and how they affected evolution, and it was more the delivery that came across wrong than the actual statements themselves. Nothing he taught was factually inaccurate; it just didn't jive with modern thoughts and attitudes of gender identity and equality all the time.

It wasn't popular on campus to say men were, on average, physically stronger than women but according to biology men do have 75% greater upper body muscle mass. Things like this got him in trouble on occasion, but he was teaching the facts as he knew them to be true and April respected that.

She was just about to turn in when she decided to call her dad and let him know the good news.

"That's great, honey! I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks, Dad," she smiled. She'd always be a daddy's girl. Her mother leaving hadn't gotten to her so much for her own sake, it was more that she felt awful for her dad. April was a grown woman now, and although it bothered her to see her parents apart, she was mostly heartbroken for him. Nothing added up, one minute they looked like a happy couple, and the next her mother was moving out, and now she was gone completely.

"So what's the big job?"

"An exclusive interview with a controversial figure in the field of anthropology," she said, playing it up to sound even fancier just for fun.

"My clever girl! I'm going to miss you, honey."

"Me too, it'll only be a couple weeks, though."

"I know, but you're all I have left now," he said.

She hated when he said things like this. It was true that she was his only family in the area, but it still hurt to hear it. They had family on the west coast, but he had nobody else in Jacksonville. She wished he'd get out and try dating again, but he was still hung up on grieving what he had with her mother.

"It'll fly by, and then you'll have a famous daughter," she laughed. "We can go to dinner for my birthday when I get back, hey?"

"That would be wonderful; we can't break tradition," he added. "You be careful out there, though, OK. I want you to call me when you get there."

"I will, I promise."

"And drive safe, honey. Please drive safe."

There is was. Drive safe. Her mother had died in a car accident while on holiday in Italy, and he'd never be the same, he'd always be afraid for her safety. April needed to get answers, and she needed them sooner than later, maybe what she discovered could help him as well.

April lay back on her bed and sighed heavily. A break from routine was just what she needed, the last year had been insane, and she just wanted to get away and maybe be someone else for a few weeks. Someone who didn't have to keep it all together for others.

She rolled over and opened her laptop to watch another YouTube video in preparation for the interview. His channel had multiple videos of classes, discussions, and lectures to go through.

_**Sex and Motivation – Lecture Series w/ M. Dixon**_

" _Sex is one of the most powerful entities in our lives; all things branch out from this one common drive we tend to share. Marriage, children, family, aggression, competition and much of art, music, and literature. Without sex, we would indisputably be very different creatures. We'll discuss what sexuality is. How it has changed us throughout evolution. Why some of us are straight and others gay or any number of other sexual orientations. Why sexuality and morality are so closely related and how that moral code affects the societies we live in._

_But first, I wanna talk about something more fun...libido. Why is it that we have sex outside of procreation? Darwinian evolution states that to reproduce is the primary function of sex but we do it recreationally so much more than other species...why? To suggest any of us want to have sex for reproduction alone is absolutely untrue. As Homo Sapiens we engage in so much sexual activity where we don't ever intend to reproduce. The driving force for this behavior can only really be one thing primarily...anyone...yell it out...seriously?"_

He paused, awaiting a response from the class and got nothing.

" _Pleasure! We do it cause it feels good! Do I have a class full of virgins on my hands? You guys do know it feels good, right? If not, your first assignment is to go out and get some this weekend. Good grief!"_

April felt the video deserved a thumbs up just for that joke; his whole class had laughed too. She hit subscribe to his YouTube channel since she'd be doing more research before leaving for Atlanta.

She added a short note, praising the joke in the comment section and then got up to brush her teeth and wash her face. She was wrecked and couldn't wait to crawl into bed. When she lay back down on the mattress and reached out to close her laptop, she noticed a response to her message and her heart jumped when she realized it was him.

_**~ A little late night research, April?** _

This man was trouble; she'd put money on it. Everything she could think to type could be taken wrong. She wanted to maintain at least some professionalism but still get closer to develop a good rapport and get answers out of him. It was a tight rope walk.

_**~ Yes, just preparing for the interview:)** _

Surely that was innocuous enough.

_**~ that's very conscientious of you, I can't wait to receive your questions on this lecture.** _

What was she supposed to say in return? Leave him hanging for an answer, and she'd offend a man she had asked to interview or answer him and no matter what she said she'd be digging herself in deeper.

_**~ I'll try to come up with some good ones for you.** _

_**~ I'm ready and willing:) Lay 'em on me whenever you're ready via text or email, and we can get started before you even get here if you like.** _

He was eager as all hell to communicate with her; she'd never encountered this before. Most people spoke with media or journalists begrudgingly.

_**~ Great, thank you. I'll come up with some and get right back to you in the morning:)** _

_**~ Off to bed?** _

_**~ yes, goodnight Professor Dixon:)** _

_**~ please, call me Merle. No, wait! I think I like Professor Dixon better; it sounds sexier right?** _

April laughed and rolled her eyes, trying to think of a response.

_**~ How do I stay professional with you? Lol** _

_**~ I can stop if you'd prefer.** _

_**~ No, I'm fine:) You're very funny.** _

_**~ I'll let you go to bed and pester you some more tomorrow then, shall I?** _

_**~ Deal. Goodnight:)** _

_**~ Sleep well and don't think about me too much, or it'll keep you up. Lol XO** _

_**~ I'll try to control myself:)** _

April closed her laptop and lay back in bed, imagining his voice saying the words he was typing, and she couldn't help but touch herself. The man had an evil, sexy, gravelly voice. _The cocky son of a bitch was right; he did keep her up..._


	4. Into The Fire

_ **Chapter 4 – Into The Fire** _

 

**Mother teach me to walk again  
Milk and honey so intoxicating  
  
And into the fire  
I'm reunited  
Into the fire  
I am the spark  
Into the night  
I yearn for comfort  
  
Open the doors that lead on into Eden  
Wore no cheap disguise  
I follow the signs marked back to the beginning  
No more compromise**

_**~ Sarah McLachlan  
** _

_**##############################** _

Finally April found herself waking up on the day of her flight and she could barely sit still. She'd spend the last day at home playing 'text flirt' with Professor Dixon and got a few good questions answered concerning his work and the university. She had some questions regarding his lectures but figured she'd save them for a face to face meeting. He texted her that morning to ask her if she liked steak, he was an odd customer alright.

_**~ yes.** _

_**~ great, I know just the place for dinner. Do you want a ride to your hotel from the airport?** _

She wasn't sure it was a good idea but it certainly would make life easier than trying to rent a car at the airport when all she'd want to do was get booked into her hotel and eat supper. Developing a good rapport with the subject of her interview had to be a good thing so she agreed to it.

_**~ If it's not too much of an inconvenience.** _

_**~ not at all, text me your flight number and I'll be waiting.** _

_**~ thank you:)** _

The whole thing was a little nerve racking but she knew she could handle it. She remembered her mother constantly insisting she could do anything and to never let her dreams fall by the wayside. She wanted to be a famous journalist and she'd get there one step at a time.

Her father drove her to the airport in the late afternoon and she kissed him goodbye, trying to stop him from getting too emotional by telling jokes and being goofy. Sometimes it felt like she was the most emotionally together out of all the people in her life. She'd avoided seeing Dave before leaving cause she just didn't need the stress of his concern.

The flight was short, only an hour, and she decided to change clothes in the airplane bathroom just before landing. She'd kept her favorite dress in her carry on so she wouldn't risk losing it and decided to put on some fresh, red wine colored lipstick as well. Something told her she'd be able to get more out of this man by looking good. It was a cheap tactic but she didn't care. This was her first big piece and anything she could do to make it all it could be was worth it.

When she landed she gathered her carry on bag and purse as she walked into the arrival area. She didn't see anyone who looked like the man on the internet so she continued on to the baggage claim to get her suitcase. It was only a couple weeks but she liked to have choice and brought more clothes than she needed.

She watched as the suitcases started to move passed her and looked around wondering where he was and where the car rental place was located if he wasn't turning up.

“What color is your bag, honey?”

The voice came from right behind her left ear, and she jumped and turned.

“Oh!” she squeaked. “Uh...gray.”

Merle looked beyond her to the conveyor belt and then reached out.

“This it?”

She looked down at his hand and nodded.

“I didn't even know that you knew what I looked like,” she uttered.

“I Googled you,” he chuckled. “Is it just me or does that kinda sound like a kinky sex act? 'Googled' you....anyway, you hungry?”

He threw her immediately off guard and she found herself looking up into his eyes like a kid instead of the confident woman she'd wanted to project.

“Sorry, I had a double shot of espresso right before I got here. I'm a little wired,” he laughed.

He carried her suitcase and slid his hand under her elbow to lead her out of the crowd toward the exit.

“You don't mind me carrying your bag?” he winked. “Some women do.”

She snapped out of her fog and got her wits back a little.

“Well, men do have 75% greater upper body muscle mass so you may as well,” she smiled.

He looked ecstatic then.

“You really have been doing your research on me, haven't you?”

“I have indeed,” she answered, walking along side him out the front doors and across the parking lot.

He walked her to his Cadillac and she grinned despite herself. It was a beautiful car, brand new and fully loaded. He placed her suitcase in the trunk and then unlocked the passenger door and opened it for her.

“Thank you,” she smiled. April still liked a man who opened doors, so many didn't. Her mother was the fiercely independent type but she liked this kind of thing.

Merle was taller than her by quite a bit but most people were. He was broad chested and strong and he didn't really look like a university professor. He wore black jeans and a black concert t-shirt with a brown leather jacket. She didn't want to admit it to herself so fast but he looked fine as hell and smelled like a dream.

“So, have you read enough about me that you think I'm a sexist douchebag or can I still get on your good side?” he laughed, firing up the engine.

He was blunt and she had expected it from their text interactions but it was still hard to think so fast when your career was depending on how good a job you did with an interview subject. She decided to be honest, it was easier to keep straight and something told her he could smell a lie.

“I don't find you to be sexist at all actually. Teaching biological facts isn't sexist, even if it's perceived that way by certain people.”

“I think I love you,” he laughed. His laugh was a rough and masculine sound that reverberated through her body.

“So tell me about yourself, honey.”

_Who's interviewing who here?_

He obviously didn't know who she was, via her mother, so she went about describing herself just as strangers do.

“Well, I was born and raised in Jacksonville, Tennessee. I love my dad, I love to read. I always wanted to write for a living and...I have a boyfriend named Dave-”

“Lemme stop you right there.”

She looked over at him and frowned, wondering why he stopped her.

“Wanna know what I just heard from that?” he grinned.

He was the cockiest, most forward man she'd ever met. It was going to be a long couple of weeks trying to keep up to him.

“Go ahead.”

“Alright, lemme know if I'm warm or not. This guy Dave doesn't get you off and your mom is out of the picture somehow, also you're a daddy's girl.”

“What?”

She was almost mad that he had her number, but she was more intrigued than anything.

“Well, you mentioned your dad specifically and not your mom. Also you mentioned him second which means he's very important to you and you mentioned the boyfriend last, after you talked about enjoying reading? If this kid was getting you off he'd be higher on the list than books. Am I right?”

There was no point in playing coy or super professional with this man, he had already mentioned 'getting off' and she'd only been in his presence for less than an hour.

“He gets me off sometimes,” she mumbled.

Merle turned the corner and kept his eyes on the road.

“Ain't no excuse for that. A woman like you should be getting off every single time, sometimes twice.”

“Well, this started out very unprofessional,” she noted.

“Problem?”

“Nope.”

“I talk about sex all day for a living so I'm a little casual about it, kind of an occupational hazard I suppose. Lemme know if it's too much for you and I can tone it down.”

“I don't mind at all,” she said, honestly. She found him funny and interesting to talk to and she could tell a lot of it was just for humor or shock value anyway.

He pulled up outside a swanky looking restaurant and walked around to her door before she could open it and opened it for her.

“Thank you.”

“You look real pretty, honey.”

She couldn't help but blush at his words.

“Thanks.”

There was something about him that didn't translate over the internet. She felt like she was the only person around for miles, he paid such close attention to everything she said and did.

He apparently knew the proprietors of the establishment; he spoke casually with them and was given the table of his choosing.

“Right this way, Mr. Dixon.”

They were seated at a table at the back of the restaurant and he ordered a bottle of wine for the table.

“Would you like something else to drink, honey?”

Apparently, calling women, honey was his thing.

“No, this is fine. Thank you.”

They ordered their food, and she wondered if her mother had ever been to dinner with him.

“So, can we speak off the record tonight?” he asked, taking a sip of the wine.

“Of course, this is not an interrogation piece. I only want to tell the public what you're comfortable with,” she insisted.

“Tell them I'm a nice boy who loves his mama and never does anything naughty,” he chuckled.

“Something tells me that's not entirely true...I'd bet money that you're a least a little naughty.”

His face lit up, and he laughed heartily at her comment.

“I'm gonna like having you around.”

The food was delicious and soon he was sitting back with a scotch on the rocks, digesting his meal with a satisfied smile. She'd devoured an 8oz medium rare steak and potato like it was nothing and he was impressed.

“Good appetite! I like that in a woman.”

“That was delicious,” she grinned, then wiped her mouth with her napkin. She'd given up nibbling salads in front of men years ago.

“So glad you're satisfied,” he smiled.

“What are you working on right now? I read that you do some experimentation at the university lab,” she asked, trying to keep him talking.

“We've been doing a study on voices actually. The tone of male voices can cause varying levels of arousal in women at different points in their cycle. The findings have been fascinating.”

“What have you found?” she asked, really becoming interested.

“Women at the most fertile point in their cycle are more aroused by highly masculine voices but only for the purposes of short-term, strictly sexual relationships.”

“I could have told you that,” she laughed.

“Yeah probably,” he conceded, “but now we're gaining the data to back it up. In science, you have to put your data where your mouth is.”

“So you have some trouble with young women on campus?” she asked.

“This is off the record?” he checked.

“Absolutely.”

“A couple of them think I'm sexist, some of them don't think anything of me at all but a couple of them act all sweet and hang around my office after class till I have to go work in the staff room to get anything done.”

Her eyes went wide, and she couldn't help grinning.

“Seriously? That must be challenging.”

“Not really, it's just one or two, and I dodge it pretty easily.”

“Never tempted?”

“Hell no. I take academia very seriously. I love what I do and I'm not losing it for anything,” he laughed. “I have no interest in students beyond education.”

She liked his honesty on the subject and his self-restraint.

“That's very admirable,” she nodded.

“I don't, however, have any set rules about fucking a journalist,” he laughed.

She felt like she should be offended but wasn't. Something about him made it easy to take his humor as intended, he wasn't like anyone she'd ever met. He said exactly what was on his mind with no filter and she found herself loving it. Truth be told she had a filthy sense of humor herself and liked frank joking.

“Is that right?” she said, playing coy. “You know, some people might say you're highly inappropriate, Professor Dixon.”

“I'm sure they would...but what would you say?” he asked, looking her right in the eye.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. The First Taste

_ **Chapter 5 – The First Taste** _

 

**I lie in an early bed  
Thinking late thoughts  
Waiting for the black  
To replace my blue  
I do not struggle  
In your web  
Because it was my  
Aim to get caught  
But daddy longlegs  
I feel that I'm finally  
Growing weary  
Of waiting to be  
Consumed by you  
Give me the first taste  
Let it begin  
Heaven cannot wait forever  
Darling, just start the chase  
I'll let you win  
But you must  
Make the endeavor**

_**~ Fiona Apple** _

 

 

 

_**####################################** _

 

“I'd say you probably are a little inappropriate but that it's also not always a bad thing.”

 

She had to remind herself that this was a man who could have information about her mother's state of mind before her death and that flirting was not really in her plans but he didn't make it easy to avoid. Everything about him screamed sex. Merle Dixon was the antithesis of Dave and that was dangerously appealing.

“I was aiming for inappropriate, so that's alright.”

She laughed at that and rolled her eyes, playfully. She couldn't help feeling submissive around him and extra girly even though she was trying not to. April had never been attracted to a man who was older before. He was 40 years old so it wasn't just a couple of years either. He was just a few years younger than her mother when she died, she had been only 43 and it was still hard to get her head around her begin so young when she passed away. Pregnant and 17, married at 18 and deceased at 43, her mother's life was a tragedy in so many ways.

 

He only had two drinks and watched as she finished her wine.

“Seriously, though, this is just my sense of humor. I can behave myself if instructed to do so,” he insisted, dropping the act for just a moment

“I'll let you know if you step out of line.”

He smiled and nodded. “Sounds like a plan...but now I wanna see how far I can push you.”

Merle asked her if she'd like to sit in on his class the next morning and she jumped at the chance. She wanted an opportunity to see him teaching and perhaps speak to some of his students.

 

He drove her to her hotel after dinner and said her employers at the magazine were animals to have her stay in such a place.

“I got three extra rooms in my house that don't have bedbugs if you're interested,” he said as he opened her door again and handed her the suitcase.

“I'm pretty sure that's not kosher,” she giggled, “but thanks.”

“Alright, honey, but if you're scratchin' tomorrow don't say I didn't try.”

Merle leaned in and lay his hand on her elbow, for a moment she didn't know which way to move her head or what he was doing until he kissed her cheek quickly and then backed up.

“Goodnight, honey. You be careful in there,” he added, shaking his head at the sight of her accommodations.

He offered to bring her suitcase up but she insisted she was fine and eventually she got up to her room to start on the article. It didn't need to be published for a weeks but she'd always been the type to work now and play later.

She had an intro completed before she even got into the shower and felt like the article was going to be a great piece. He was very open and entertaining and if she played her cards right she'd get all the information she needed.

She called Dave before going to bed, but only after calling her dad. April didn't have much to say to Dave and she found that she didn't miss him. It was becoming clear that it would be best to end it with him as soon as she got back to Jacksonville, or maybe even sooner. She liked the idea of being unattached suddenly.

 

_**#####################################** _

 

April woke up early and got dressed in her gray dress pants, black silk shirt and red heels, she was often trying to appear taller but she knew she shouldn't care. She wanted to look professional and be taken seriously in a university setting. She drank a cup of awful hotel coffee and tried a few more potential passwords for her mother's flash drive. It was really starting to look like she'd never discover it. The flash drive was going to drive her crazy in time, she could feel it.

Merle texted her with directions to his lecture hall and she made her way there in a cab. She'd need to rent a car but too much had been going on to get it done yet. She brought her laptop case along with her and her purse and felt a little loaded down with gear but she was really hoping to get some work done in between inappropriate banter.

She was dropped off at the huge campus and felt lost until she checked his directions again and made her way to the correct building. Her heels clicked loudly on the floor in the empty hallways and the sound traveled around her making her feel conspicuous. She counted the numbers on the doors as she moved and finally got to the right door; number 215.

She opened it slowly and could hear his voice already filling the great room.

“Alright, children, sit down and be quiet! Daddy's talking now!”

He was an absolute nut but she found it amusing. You could never call this man boring, he had the energy of a man half his age.

She closed the door behind her and looked at the rows of seats cascading down to the huge white board and table where he was standing and shuffling papers.

She took a seat at the very back as he began to go over the final and what their essay topics could be. He went through all the information they'd covered that semester and it spanned from early primates all the way to ancient Egypt and then the Roman Empire.

He ran a slide show for review and spoke about each image as he went. She liked the sound of his voice and he seemed very professional to her, she couldn't really see the fuss others had made. Maybe he was behaving himself for her benefit.

“Your essays must be on my desk on the day of the final, no stupid excuses either. Somebody better have died.”

A girl in the front row raised her hand and he called on her to speak. It was the final minutes of review and she looked like she'd been hanging onto something all class.

“Professor, I have a question about my mark for the oral presentation.”

“Stay after class a minute, and I'll explain that. OK?”

“OK.”

He wrapped up the class then but not before embarrassing April.

“Just in case you're wondering, that beautiful creature back there is April Sumner, and she's a journalist interviewing me for a magazine so be nice and say hello on the way out, children.”

His entire class said hi as they passed and she felt a little goofy; she'd been trying to go unnoticed.

Only the girl who'd asked the question was still sitting in her seat waiting for his explanation.

“What's the problem, Laurie-Anne?”

“My mark was lower than my partner's...I want to know why.”

“You really don't know why your mark was lower?” he asked, leaning against his desk and crossing his arms.

“I worked so hard on it, I did more work on it than my partner and my volume was good...I don't get it. I typed the whole thing and put together the entire power point. It's not fair!”

“Getting flustered are we?” he laughed.

“It's not funny!” the girl squeaked defensively.

She had long hair and a long skirt, and she looked like an evangelical Christian to April and as it turned out she was absolutely right.

“Calm down, before you start speaking in tongues on me. You want those marks back?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, you can have them back and I'll give you more marks than your partner now that I know how much more work you did. Just stand up and do one thing for me.”

“What?”

“Say the word 'penis.'”

April wondered what the hell this was all about but quickly got filled in.

“You've been in my class all semester and you're the best student I have but you gave a 12 minute oral presentation on mating habits of male orangutans and performed a miracle by never using the word penis once....not once! I have no idea how you even managed that!” he laughed.

She looked around the room and appeared to be completely put on the spot.

“Do I have to?” she asked.

He sighed and shook his head a little.

“No, I guess not. I just hoped you'd be more comfortable with the subject matter you know so well. You have the makings of a great scientist, and I'd just hate to see bashfulness hold you back. It's just a word, Laurie-Anne.”

She took a deep breath and fidgeted with the hem of her long sleeved shirt and then uttered, “Penis.”

“That's my girl!” he laughed. “Full marks!”

She giggled quietly and gathered up her books to leave.

“Have a good one,” he said to her as she turned to go.

“Thanks, Professor, you too.”

He looked over at April and asked if she wanted to get started with the interview.

“Sure, where is best for you?”

“I only had that one class today so did you want to stay here for a bit and then go back to my house?”

“That'll work. Your class was really interesting.”

“Thanks. I love anthropology, always have.”

She could tell how much he loved teaching and she liked his approach with Laurie-Anne. He was actually very kind and understanding with his class, humorous too. She wondered where he'd gotten a reputation for being sexist.

Merle gathered his things and nodded to the door, “Come,” and she followed him out of the lecture hall.

 

 

Merle took her back to his office where he gathered a few things to work on at home, and she wondered how she was ever going to ask him about her mother. How could she just drop it into conversation?

 

“You're great with your students,” April noted. He deserved a compliment for the way he spoke to Laurie-Anne.

“You think? I've been told I'm too casual with them but I just like being around young people. They have all the best new ideas and enthusiasm. I don't want class to bore them to tears. I may have been toning it down for you today.”

“No need to hold your tongue on my account. I wish half of my professors had been so entertaining; I only got through university with a copious amount of caffeine.”

“Sorry...my mind kinda went blank after you said tongue,” he teased.

April liked his jokes and couldn't believe she was being paid to hang out with him and learn about his work. April bent down to pick up her laptop case as he switch off the lights and grabbed his keys to leave.

“You're lookin' pretty dangerous in those pants, April.”

She stood and turned to smirk at him.

“You have no off switch, do you?” she laughed.

“You couldn't turn me off if you tried, honey. Let's go.”

 

 

 

 


	6. What Would Happen?

_ **Chapter 6 – What Would Happen?** _

 

**Electricity, eye to eye  
Hey, don't I know you?  
I can't speak  
Stripped my senses  
On the spot  
I've never been defenseless  
I can't even make sense of this  
You speak, and I don't hear a word**

**What would happen if we kissed?  
Would your tongue slip past my lips?  
Would you run away? Would you stay?  
Or would I melt into you?  
Mouth to mouth, lust to lust  
Spontaneously combust**

_**~ Meredith Brooks** _

  


 

_**###############################################** _

 

 

Half an hour later they were pulling up in the driveway of his house, and it was a beauty. He lived in an old house that had been restored enough to be livable, but much of the original style remained. It wasn't a fancy neighborhood, but his home was gorgeous. With three stories and old world charm in spades, it seemed to suit him. It even had a turret on the third floor.

“Wow!”

“Like it?” he asked.

“It's beautiful,” she sighed.

“I grew up in a shitty house with nothing...I always wanted to live in a house that looked like a castle. Silly huh?”

“Not at all, I get it,” she smiled, and he led her in through the front door.

She knew she had a great interview with him ahead of her. She had the feeling that a lot of people had him wrong and she wanted to set it all straight.

“I'm just gonna get changed if you want to have a seat in the library,” he said, pulling his tie loose and winking at her.

“Sure.”

There was just something so evil about his eyes.

He took her to the most beautiful room she'd ever seen with floor to ceiling books and dark stained wood. The window had a section of stained glass with a depiction of angels and devils, it was remarkable.

“I'll be right back.”

She nodded and walked the room slowly to take in all the titles. The room made her frisky with excitement. She loved books, and he had all her favorites here: Chaucer, Oscar Wilde, Dostoyevsky, D.H Lawrence; they were all there. She trailed her fingers along the spines and took in the heavy masculine beauty of the room. There was a decanter of scotch on a table, a marble chess set and a box of cigars. The room dripped with testosterone, and she loved every inch of it.

She was just trying to reach a book, high above her short stature when he returned.

“You ready?” he asked, walking back in the room with a pair of jeans and a t-shirt on. Merle reached up and handed the book down to her, and she sighed at needing the help, it was a short person thing she'd never gotten used to.

“Thank you,” she said, feeling a little like a kid. “This room is insane...all these books!”

“Well, you did put reading before your man so I figured you'd like this room for an interview.”

She rolled her eyes but he was right, he was very observant.

He poured her a scotch and sat back in a gorgeous leather chair. She sat down across the table from him; between them sat the chess set.

“I'm all yours, darlin',” he winked.

He was so cocky, but she suspected it was a smokescreen for something much deeper and she wanted to get to that.

“I have to start with some basic questions about your life just for context in the piece. I'll be able to compose a more coherent article if I have an idea who you are and where you've come from.”

“I'm an open book.”

She smiled and pulled her laptop out of her bag to go over the questions she'd come up with for an opening and also her voice recorder so she could go over it all later.

“Where were you born?”

“Macon, Georgia.”

“Can you tell me about your parents and immediate family? It's not necessary for the piece; it's only if you want to,” she insisted.

“My mother was a nice woman but very troubled, and she let my father dominate her, abuse ran in her family, so she knew no different. My father had many addictions and beat me and my kid brother Daryl senseless whenever the mood hit him. I grew up poor and deprived of any real love or affection so now I drift from one trivial sexual relationship to the next and keep my distance from words like commitment.”

She took a deep breath, ingesting all the information he was throwing at her.

“Well...that's a lot to take in, but you ended up making so much of your life. How did all that take place?”

“It's a long story,” he insisted.

“I'm sitting here with a tall scotch and nothing to do but listen to you....spill it.”

“I was in grade nine and on the way to my job as a bus boy at a downtown restaurant. I was at the bus stop in the rain and when I looked over, and there was this book. 'The Naked Ape' by Desmond Morris. I pick it up and take it with me to work to flip through it on my smoke break, and it's all about anthropology. It posed so many questions I'd never even considered. Why do we do the things we do? Why do we need the things we need? Why do we fuck? What makes us desire one person over another? Why do we care for our young the way we do? What drives us to anger? Jealousy? Lust? I was totally taken in from that moment forward.”

“So anthropology became the driving interest in your life at that moment?”

“Yes, and I can't stop,” he laughed. “I want to understand what drives us as human beings, where we came from and where we're going.”

“I never really thought much about anthropology until researching this article, but you have me very interested,” she admitted.

He stood up then and walked to a shelf and started looking through the titles of books until he found the right one.

“Here.”

She took the book from him, and it looked old.

“That's the exact book I found when I was a kid. You can read it if you want to, it changed my whole life.”

“Thank you; I can't wait to read it. Listening to the overview of your course today was really fascinating, I wish I'd taken a class like that in school.”

“Really?” he asked, looking excited.

“Really. Can I ask you something personal?”

“That's what you're her for,” he chuckled. “Ask me literally anything.”

“Do you believe in monogamy? From what you were saying in your class, mankind has drifted in and out of monogamy throughout evolution.”

“There's an argument for both monogamy and polygyny throughout the history of primate mating, so it's hard to say which best benefits us at this time or which comes most naturally.”

“But what do you believe is the best way for men and women to cohabitate...not the books, just your own thoughts,” April clarified.

It took a while for him to answer and in the interim, he took a cigar and lit it.

“Do you mind?”

“No, I'm fine,” she insisted.

“I guess I wanted to believe in it...that men and women can live together and be completely fulfilled for life. I think everyone wants to believe someone will love them forever but I just haven't found it to be realistic. All I see are miserable people who think their partner loves them when they're really just drowning inside and clawing to get free.”

“Oh....”

“In my opinion, marriage is for people who are too afraid to be alone, people who choose to enter into the last legal form of slavery,” he laughed.

She had no idea what to say back to such a thing. She had the depressing impression that maybe he was right about it all, especially after what happened with her parents. Maybe marriage was a joke.

“I think I believe in love...it's just rare,” she said, but she wasn't sure how honest a statement it was.

“Maybe you're right, who knows?”

She went back to her questions.

“What do you find most fulfilling about your work?”

She could tell he really loved talking about anthropology most, so she went back to that. His face would light up when he discussed it so she figured that going back to it when the interview got muddy would be a good idea.

“It's the field of study itself that I love. Piecing together who we are as humans and what motivates us is my primary interest, but then there's the students. When I get one like Laurie-Anne who is hungry to know more just like me when I was younger, that's exciting. She even agreed to take part in my study.”

“The one about voices?” she clarified.

“Yeah, it's pretty simple really but I needed at least one younger woman in her age group for the study who wasn't taking oral contraceptives, and at university age, a girl like that is harder to find.”

“Because hormones would alter the outcome of the experiment,” April guessed.

“Exactly, good thinking.”

He sat back and smoked his cigar, watching her as she took a brief pause to work on her laptop.

“You sure do look good today,” he said with a grin.

She liked the way he'd toss a hand grenade into the conversation; he was never boring to talk to.

She looked up from her work with only her eyes, “Thank you, Professor. You look pretty good yourself.”

He eyed her like he had something absolutely wicked on his mind and she could feel herself responding to it. His eyes were suggestive as hell.

“So...I take it you've never been married or anywhere close to it,” she continued.

“Nope.”

The piece was going to be a well-rounded article about the work he was doing as well as some personal information. Since he worked in anthropology with a focus on sexuality, his relationship status was of interest.

“What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?” she asked.

“I read a lot; I like to hunt with my brother, I go out too much in the evening probably. I like live music and good company.”

“Sounds good.”

“So what do you get up to with this boyfriend of yours. Is he fun to be around?”

“Are you hijacking my interview?” she laughed.

“Nothing wrong with a little tit for tat, is there? Quid pro quo, Clarice,” he grinned, putting on his best Hannibal Lecter voice.

“I'll be honest; I don't think it's working out. I'll be ending it when I get home.”

“Awww, poor Dave! What did the poor man do wrong?” he teased.

“He cried at Titanic among other things. I know that makes me sound like a cow, but it turned me off. Am I a terrible person?”

Merle sat up straight and leaned forward to look her right in the eye.

“You aren't a terrible person, and your response to his behavior can actually be easily explained with anthropology.”

“It can?”

“Women, for the most part, are attracted to a man who is emotionally strong. This isn't the case for all women obviously, some women like weepy men but that's more of an exception to the rule according to statistics. Throughout history, a male needed to be strong, both emotionally and physically for survival and to keep his family alive. Females wouldn't allow a male near them unless he proved himself to be brave and worthy. A weak male wouldn't even likely find a female willing to reproduce with him. The female primate would seek out a male she knew could handle everything and reject those who couldn't cut it.”

“That makes sense,” she said, feeling better about it.

“You just need a more virile boyfriend perhaps.”

“I think you may be right,” she admitted.

“So can I take you out tonight?”

If she was here, she may as well get into it and find out all she could. The best way to get answers appeared to be dancing to his tune, and he seemed like a whole lot of fun to her.

“Where did you want to take me?” she asked, not looking up from her typing.

“I can 'take you' anywhere you want. A car, the couch, the floor, a bed, my kitchen table. Anywhere you like!” he teased.

“Kitchen table?” she chuckled.

“Coffee table?” he countered.

Her mind immediately generated images of them entangled in each other on the floor at her feet, and she could feel her body reacting to his words. She could already hear him groaning her name in that gravely voice that cut through her defenses so easily.

“I swear I don't know what to do with you, Professor.”

“Anything you like, honey.”

She focused on his mouth as he spoke and couldn't look away as she swallowed hard, imagining her lips pressed to his...

 

_**##############################################** _

 

_**We're getting there, I promise;) Once it starts it's pretty constant, and it'll be starting in 3-4 chapters:) Thank you so much for the positive response to my new Merle:) He was a joy to work with;) So much so that he features in my new story a little as well, but it's more of a badass Merle in the new one.** _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Night by Night

_**Chapter 7 – Night by Night** _

_**I know, inside of me** _  
_**Sooner or later, we gon' to be free** _  
_**C'mon girl, don't make a fuss** _  
_**Let's have a conversation that's not just about us** _  
_**When we don't know which way to go** _  
_**And it doesn't really matter what we do** _  
_**There's gotta be one good way to know** _  
_**If all this is worth it we can work it night by night** _

_**She says I'm not romantic** _  
_**I say she's too dramatic** _  
_**I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night** _  
_**She says I'm not romantic** _  
_**I say she's too dramatic** _  
_**I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night** _

_**~ Chromeo** _

_**#####################################################**_

Merle made a late lunch, and they hung out for a while before heading out for the evening. The conversation would flow from science and culture to sex and back again so easily she was being aroused both intellectually and sexually. He was easy to be around, and she found herself laughing and flirted back with him whenever he said something provocative. April could feel it going completely off the rails of professionalism but he stirred something inside her, and she was becoming hooked on it.

He got dressed up and drove her back to her hotel so she could change as well. She walked into the lobby, and he looked around at the place and shuddered.

"Honey, you can't stay in this dump...you're gonna get mugged or something."

"Aren't we protective," she teased.

"A very male trait I know, but I can't help it. A pretty young thing like you in a hovel like this makes me wanna snatch you up and take you home."

"I'll be right back down."

"Not taking me up to your room? Yeah, that's probably smart," he laughed.

"I don't know," she grinned, "it could be fun."

April walked up to her crappy room and took some time to get dressed up and call her dad to assure him she was fine. He sounded very alone, and she wished he'd just get out and do something with his life.

When she came back down, she was wearing the one other dress she'd brought and a pair of leather boots. April liked clothes and brought far more with her than she'd ever need.

Merle took one look at her and whistled so loud everyone in the lobby turned their head.

"Poor, Dave. That guy shoulda held in those tears cause he's gonna be pissed to lose you."

"Maybe, maybe not, but it's not gonna work out anyway. Let's go."

"Hot damn, woman! You're cold as ice...I love it! Let's go rock the fuckin' Casbah!"

"You're a dork," she giggled.

"You love it."

_**###########################################** _

To her surprise, he took her to a club with very loud music, bright lights and a huge herd of people trying to get laid. They found a table out of the way but with a great view of the dance floor, and he ordered them around. He looked casual in jeans, a black t-shirt, and his leather jacket and she couldn't help noticing other women checking him out.

"This is a perfect place to gain an understanding of human sexuality," he began. "I love people watching."

"What's to learn? It's just a bunch of people trying to get laid."

"True, but if you watch you can see it all play out before your eyes. Take those girls over there, see?"

She looked over to a group of young women who were dancing. One was eyeing up every man who walked passed, two were dancing provocatively with each other, and the fourth was on her phone texting someone, lost in her own world.

"So?" she asked, not seeing what he was eluding to.

"Which one do you think is single out of them?"

April watched the way they interacted and decided it had to be the one eyeing up every man in the room at least and probably the girls dancing together and trying to get attention. She also figured the one on her phone was probably checking in with her boyfriend.

"Very well done, but guess which one is probably gonna pick up a stranger tonight," he chuckled.

"No idea...tell me."

"The one on her phone," he answered, taking a sip of his drink.

"You think?"

"I'd bet on it. She looks frustrated like she can't get a hold of him or his messages are pissing her off. She's gonna have enough of it pretty quick and have some fun without him, especially since she's out with her single girlfriends."

"That's a little pessimistic, isn't it?"

"I could be wrong, but that's what my instincts are saying."

They chatted a while longer, but within the next few minutes a brief scuffle broke out between two men and a woman got in the middle to break it up, eventually leaving with one of them. There really was a lot to glean from the interactions around them.

"Sexual jealousy. The oldest game in the book," Merle smirked. "How primitive?"

"You never get jealous?" she asked.

"Never."

April felt the sudden urge to call Dave from the bathroom to touch base; maybe it wasn't as far gone as she thought. She didn't want to believe good relationships were a myth but it was starting to feel that way, Merle was making a great case for it all being hopeless.

She stood next to a girl at the bathroom sink, who looked like she'd had more than enough, and dialed the number.

"Hello?...hello?"

April's blood ran cold.

It was a woman's voice, and she looked down at her phone, assuming she'd dialed the wrong number, but she hadn't.

"Who is this?" the woman giggled.

In the background she heard the words, 'I told you not to answer that! Who is it?', from Dave.

April hung up and felt slighted but not angry. After thinking it over for a minute, she decided it was all for the best she walked back to the table and plopped down next to Merle.

"What wrong?" he asked.

"Looks like Dave has a woman over. She just picked up his phone, and then I heard him chastise her for answering, it's pretty obvious they were in bed together."

"Sorry about that."

"I don't mind; I was going to break it off anyway. I'm just surprised at Mr. Sensitivity being a cheater."

"Cheaters are notoriously insecure and overly sensitive. They require more female attention than they actually deserve and routinely screw up relationships by being greedy when they find any woman who'll look twice at them."

"My girlfriends would have just called him a douchebag, but that's actually really helpful."

"That's science, my friend. Go out there and find a new man, there's a lot of 'em around," he suggested.

"I'm not interested in that right now but wouldn't mind a dance," she replied.

"Don't look at me," he chuckled. "You go ahead."

She took a shot from the table, downed it then walked to the dance floor and instantly had two men approach her. She danced with the first to speak to her, and within only a few minutes Merle was approached by a woman who walked over to their table. The woman speaking to him was classy looking and older than her.

April watched as he laughed at something the woman said and offered her a seat. It nagged at her, and she kept her eyes on him as she danced with the stranger. She listened to the words of the song as the stranger's hands held onto her hips but couldn't take her eyes off of Merle.

 _**I'm the lock, and you're the key** _ _**  
** _ _**So open me, come on open me** _ _**  
** _ _**You can have me any way you like, yeah** _ **  
** **I'm right here so pour yourself all over me, all over me** **  
** **Treat me wrongly baby; it feels so right, yeah**

 

 _**Don't it feel like it's been forever?** _ _**  
** _ _**Don't it feel like it's been a while?** _ **  
** **Don't it feel like it's been forever?** **  
** **Been forever? Been forever?**

 

 _**Since the last time we danced I learned some brand new moves** _ _**  
** _ _**Since the last time, we kissed I learned a thing or two** _ **  
** **Since the last time we danced I learned some brand new moves** **  
** **(I wanna try them on you, I wanna try them on you)**

Finally, Merle's gaze settled on her and she immediately closed her eyes and leaned back against the stranger, hoping to draw a little jealousy out of him. Even if she didn't want Dave, it still stung to be replaced by another woman. She found herself needing to be flirted with and told that she was still desirable. Maybe Merle was right about primitive instincts seeping through into their so-called modern civilization.

It was crazy, and she knew it. She was here for answers, not sex and what if this man had been closer to her mother than she thought?

The song ended so she brushed the stranger off and returned to the table.

She raised her eyebrows at the woman sitting with Merle but offered a friendly hello.

"Oh! Hello. Well, it was nice talking to you anyway. I'll let you get back to your evening," the woman said, getting up and walking away.

"Have fun out there?" he asked when they were alone again.

"Not really. Who was that?"

He grinned at the question.

"A student's mother."

"Oh."

"Why do you ask?"

"Just curious."

He chuckled to himself, and she knew she'd been busted, caring more than she should about who he spoke to. With alcohol loosening her tongue she decided to probe around for some information about her mother.

"Have you ever been to Jacksonville?" she asked.

"Yeah, not for a long time, though. I went to a conference there once. Why?"

"No reason."

It was already weird, and she was no closer to an answer, so she dropped it.

Merle was still on his first drink, and she was the one working on her fourth. Something about the conversation and just being with him made her want to have fun and let loose. She didn't want to admit that she felt less attractive than normal from being cheated on but she did, and it was making her overindulge.

"If I have one too many and say something stupid you'll still do the interview, right?"

"You ain't shaking me, girl. I love drunk talk so keep it up," he laughed.

Within the next hour and a half she was on her 7th drink and started to get too talkative, but he had so many fascinating things to say, and it had been years since she had so much fun. He made her laugh, and he flirted like the devil. She felt weak to resist his attention, in fact, she craved it.

"So back when we were monkeys we used to just fuck whenever we wanted to?" she asked with a slight slur.

"We were never monkey, honey. We're great apes."

"Smarty pants," she scoffed.

"Drunky pants."

"Why do you study sex so much?" she asked and then leaned in closer to him. "Are you really good in bed? Is that why?"

She was getting silly but couldn't seem to stop herself, and he didn't seem bothered at all, in fact, he seemed to love it.

"I think you had one too many, honey."

"Yeah, you should cut me off I think," she agreed.

"You're a fun drunk, though, very poignant questions."

"You didn't answer my question," she persisted, leaning into him and touching his thigh.

"Is that going to be in the article? Whether I'm a good fuck or not?"

"No, it'll be off the record."

"I get the job done," he smirked.

"That's sexy...you say sexy things in that sexy voice."

"You strike me as kinda innocent until you get a few drinks into ya, now I'm wondering how sweet you really are," he laughed.

She raised her eyebrows and leaned in to whisper more discreetly.

"I'm actually pretty filthy in bed, but don't tell anyone...it'll blow my cover as a good girl."

"I'm not sure I believe that," he smirked.

"Feel free to doubt it, but I can be a very dirty girl," she insisted.

He shook his head at her and licked his lips; she was painfully tempting but very tipsy.

"I think maybe I should take you home."

"Yeah, maybe."

"And I'm gonna try really hard not to take you back to my place," he laughed.

"Pity," she answered, getting up from the table.

"What was that?" he asked, knowing damn well what she'd said.

"Nothing."

On the way out they spotted the girls from earlier waiting for a cab. The girl who'd been texting, however, was being pressed to a brick wall and groped by a man who looked intent on closing the deal.

"See?" Merle chuckled.

"You're like a psychic!" April exclaimed.

"Nope, I just know people," he insisted.

_**##########################################** _

The poor girl was wobbly legged and giggly, it was cute as hell but she was dangerous too. Merle led her out to his car and had to put her seat belt on for her, she was that tipsy.

He almost died when he leaned across her body to do up the belt, and she raised her hand to touch the side of his face and held him for just a second against her chest before letting go.

He felt guilty for not paying attention to how much she was drinking. She seemed to get smashed out of nowhere really suddenly after learning that her boyfriend was an asshole. He didn't want her getting mugged at her shitty hotel, but if he took her back to his place, she might freak out in the morning. He was torn but decided to take her back to her hotel but make sure she got safely to her room.

"Sorry about this," she offered, leaning her head back against the seat and closing her eyes. "I'm very unprofessional."

"It's just fine, honey. I ain't judging you."

Merle pulled up outside her hotel where she opened the car door and damn near fell out.

He had to make sure she got to her room OK so he walked her to the lobby and asked for her room number.

"405," she answered.

"Good memory, drunky smurf," he teased.

By the time he got her to her room, she was yawning, and he had to dig in her purse for her room key. She had makeup, a pair of sunglasses, her wallet, her phone, and condoms in her purse and he tried not to imagine her having sex but failed.

"Did you find the key?" she asked, leaning against the wall.

"Yeah, I got it."

"Please don't tell my boss I did this...pretty please."

"My lips are sealed."

He walked her in, and she sat down on the edge of the bed and looked around the room like she didn't recognize the place.

"You OK now?" he asked, thinking he should get the hell out of there before he did something stupid.

"Yeah, I think so."

She reached behind her back and groped around for the zipper of her dress, but it was fruitless.

"Could you?" she asked before he got to the door.

"Sure."

She walked toward him and then turned, holding her dark hair up off of her back.

This woman would be trouble.

He pulled the zipper all the way down to the small of her back, and she started to shrug her shoulders out of it even though he was still standing there.

"I just need to lay down," she moaned.

Her dress fell to the floor, and she took a few steps over to the bed and crawled on top of the quilt in only her bra, panties and leather boots.

He didn't want to think of it, but he did anyway; he imagined kissing from the back of her neck all the way down to her ass. He also thought of fucking her from behind as he stared at her black lace panties.

His dick was slowly betraying him cause there's no way he was going to touch her in the state she was in. She lay, belly down, on the bed and her right leg opened out to the side as her arms slid under the pillow. Her panties shifted on her body exposing a little more of her ass cheek, and he held his hand to his mouth in agony at the sight of it.

Merle walked over to the bed and pulled her boots off her feet and set them down at the door and she didn't even move. He decided it wasn't right to leave her uncovered, so he lay the blanket from the foot of the bed over her and she was out like a light.

Merle sat for a while just watching her and wondering how long his resolve would last. She was clever and strong, he could see that right away, but there was also something very vulnerable about her like she was in some kind of emotional pain underneath it all. He wanted to sleep with her so badly, but he had a habit of hurting women he slept with and didn't want to hurt her. He had a feeling she'd be next to impossible to resist, though.

He couldn't remember wanting a woman this much and he knew if she gave him the green light he'd go all out make her very glad she had.

_**########################################** _

_**I know, I know...it's coming. Ch.9-10:) It's worth the wait;) trust me. XXX** _

_***also I'm posting 9 and 10 together cause I don't break up smut.** _


	8. I've Been Waiting

_**Chapter 8 – I've Been Waiting** _

_**When you said to me** _  
_**You are not so old** _  
_**Did I know it then?** _  
_**'Cause I had just been told** _  
_**I didn't think I'd find you** _  
_**Perfect in so many ways** _  
_**But I've been waiting [waiting]** _  
_**And I want to [have you]** _  
_**I've been waiting [waiting]** _  
_**And I want to...** _

_**Secret on your lips** _  
_**That nobody knows** _  
_**Gentle in your eyes** _  
_**You can wear my clothes** _

_**I didn't think I'd find you** _  
_**Perfect in so many ways** _  
_**But I've been waiting [waiting]** _  
_**And I want to [have you]** _

_**~ Matthew Sweet** _

_**############################################** _

April was dying of thirst as she opened her eyes and looked around the room, completely disorientated. She was badly hung over and had a mini stroke as she wondered what the hell she'd done the night before and if she still had a job. The last thing she remembered, Merle was leading her out of the bar and into his car.

She sat up to find she was in her bra and panties and utterly lost. She had a bottle of water somewhere from the day before and scanned the room for it. Her head was pounding, and she needed some Tylenol as well.

Her eyes caught sight of a piece of hotel paper on the night table with red writing on it, so she picked it up.

_**Everything is OK, honey! You had a little too much, but nothing happened that you'd regret. I made sure you were safe, and that's it, I swear. Although, you dropping your dress was pretty tempting, I don't mess with intoxicated women. He he! I'm still as happy as ever to continue with the article, and I don't judge you in the least, I've been known to overindulge myself once or twice. Nigel told me you're the best young journalist he has on staff, and I'm honored to be your subject. Call whenever you get up and feel better but do not rush. Merle XXX** _

He immediately answered every question she could have had, and she felt calmer immediately. She flopped back on the bed and vowed to stick to a three drink maximum for the rest of her time in Atlanta.

It was at that moment that April realized that playing games to get information was ridiculous and that he was straightforward enough that she should just ask him, flat out, how he knew her mother.

She rolled out of bed and called down to room service for some food, water, and pain pills.

Within the next hour, she was finally looking and feeling human again after a quick shower in a disgusting bathroom. Merle really wasn't wrong about her hotel being highly questionable.

She called Nigel to fill him in while avoiding the stream of text messages and missed calls she'd been inundated with from Dave. Apparently, it dawned on him that she knew the jig was up, why he was bothering to call was beyond her, but she didn't want to hear excuses, he deserved to sweat it out a little.

"So he's receptive to all your questions?" Nigel asked.

"Yes, he's very receptive and interesting. I have my intro started and already some background on his childhood, some tidbits about his field of study and an experiment he's working on. He invited me to sit in on a class yesterday, and I have to say he's an excellent professor."

"Great! So do you think he was being unfairly smeared by some of the student body?"

"I'd say so, but I'm still just getting my feet wet down here."

"If you can, speak to other faculty members and some students to get a full picture. I spoke with some people in publishing, and his book is expected to be a big thing with a few other experts lending their talents to it. He's been working on it for a few years."

"Really? Wow, I'll find out everything I can. We have a good rapport so far, so hopefully, I can secure future interviews."

"Great, how's the hotel anyway?"

She looked around at the ratty curtains and tattered wallpaper and rolled her eyes.

"It's great! No problem."

"Just touch base when you have more. I know you're doing an excellent job up there."

"Thanks, Nigel."

"I'm out of the office tomorrow checking out new houses with Mark, but I'll have my cell."

"You're moving?" she asked.

"I don't want to, I like our little apartment, but I'm a kept man," he laughed.

April couldn't help but laugh too. Nigel would run through burning hot coals if Mark told him to and everyone knew it, especially Mark.

"Good luck with all that," she added.

"Thanks, talk to you later."

She took some times to flip through the book Merle had lent her and read through two chapters before she knew what hit her, he wasn't kidding about it being addictive. Chapter 2 was all about sex and gave a step by step explicit description of the entire act and all the physiological effects on the body. It read almost like scientific erotica. She imagined Merle reading it to her in that voice, and it made her pause for just a moment and grin.

She ate some food and tried a few more passwords with the flash drive and wrote them all down on the sheet of paper then gave up in aggravation once more.

Next, she had to touch base with Merle, and she hoped he was really as cool with the night before as he seemed.

"Hey, you."

"Hi, Merle...so about last night-"

"Don't you even say another word, honey. You had a good time, you're safe, and everything is fine. You feeling OK?"

"I'm fine, thanks for being so cool about this."

"It's nothing. So what are you up to now?"

"Nothing much, I just spoke with my boss, and now I'm just taking it easy."

"Can I interest you in some lab work?"

That really did sound interesting.

"Sure."

"I'll pick you up in an hour then if you'll be ready."

"I really need to rent a car," she sighed.

"If you want to but I sure don't mind chauffeuring you around," he laughed.

An hour later he picked her up at the hotel, and she couldn't help her shy smile as she got in the car. She wore a black skirt and a white button-down blouse. Hopefully, she could still convince him she was somewhat professional, but she distinctly remembered telling him she was a naughty girl in bed the night before and cringed a little when she looked him in the eye. It was true she got pretty unhinged in bed sometimes, but she certainly didn't need to be telling him that.

"Hey."

"Hey you," he answered, pulling out of the parking lot.

She set her laptop case on the floor of the car, and he handed her a cup of coffee.

"Thanks so much, the coffee in there is god awful."

"I already told you, come stay with me. I have fantastic coffee at my place," he grinned.

She just smiled back at him, not really sure how to answer. The idea of his house was much more appealing than the disgusting place she was staying, though, that couldn't be denied.

"So is this the voice experiment?" she asked.

"Yep. We're just doing the subjective phase right now where we ask participants their opinions on the voices they hear and if the results are what we expect we might move on to physical trials."

"Physical trials?"

"We can use sensors to determine the level of arousal in participants where the results are less about opinion and more about the actual physical response. One of my colleagues is interested in taking on that portion of the testing after I've completed this I think."

"Interesting, so these women just hear voices with different tones at different points in their cycle, and you'll be able to determine how and when hormones influence attraction."

"Exactly. It's just a matter of collecting all the data we can to figure out why we do what we do; then we can pass it on to future generations."

She loved listening to him talk about his work; he got so excited about it.

"I'm on chapter 2 of 'The Naked Ape' already; I love it."

"It's great, hey?"

He smiled so big she found it was adorable. He was definitely more than just a cheeky man with a naughty sense of humor; he was a nerd too. "Chapter 2 is my favorite," he chuckled.

"It's a good one alright. I love how it's divided into separate sections, so you know what's about to be covered."

"Me too! I'm really glad you're liking it. I don't even know where I'd be if I hadn't found that book."

"Must have been fate," she speculated.

"I don't normally believe in things like fate, but that's one instance I'm not putting a verdict on."

In the lab, there were four women present who were at the same phase of their cycle, and they were taken to separate rooms where grad students conducted the experiments. Merle just collected the data and managed the whole affair.

"Wanna listen to it?" he asked, pulling the recordings up on his computer.

"Sure. Why not?" she answered.

They were sat in his small office at the lab, and he handed her some headphones. She put them on and waited as he explained what to expect.

"They'll all be numbered as you go. Just listen to them all and tell me which is the most and least interesting to you. Also...uh...where are you in your cycle?"

She chuckled to herself and rolled her eyes.

"It ended a week ago."

"Perfect. You're almost at the fertile stage. Do you take hormonal contraceptives?"

"This is a little personal," she giggled. "No, I use a copper IUD."

"You're an ideal test subject actually," he noted.

He played the recording, and they began with a number and then a voice. They didn't seem to be in any order. The voice at number eight sounded sexiest to her, so she kept the number in mind. She found the least attractive voice was number four.

"Thanks for going along with that," he laughed. "This is the kind of boring thing I do all day."

"It's not boring, it's fascinating. I'm really excited for your book to come out; I hope you'll sign a copy for me."

"You got it," he smiled.

"Have you ever considered putting your voice in this test?" she grinned.

"Think I should?"

"Oh yeah, but I think it could really skew the results," she laughed.

April noticed that Laurie-Anne was one of the women there that day and asked if she could speak to her for a few minutes.

"I don't really want my name in a magazine," she shrugged.

"You can remain completely anonymous; I just wanted your general impressions of the professor."

"Oh...OK."

April took her to the front lobby of the lab and bought her a drink from the machine. She turned on her recorder and started to lead her into a conversation.

"So you're one of his top students, I hear," she began.

"I guess so; I love the class. My parents didn't want me to take it, but I've learned so much, and it's going to help me in archaeology."

"Wow! That's exciting, an archaeologist in the making."

"I hope so. So much of understanding an ancient civilization necessitates having knowledge of their family structures, mating rituals, and attitudes toward sexuality. The professor's course is giving me all the information I need for that specific subject."

"Can I ask you about some of the other women who feel he holds sexist attitudes?"

"I don't know much about all that...I don't have a lot of friends at school, but he isn't sexist."

"You sound absolutely sure about that," April smiled.

"I am. He's been encouraging me to pursue my dream since the first day. Professor Dixon treats me like I could do anything, he believes in me."

"He sounds like a wonderful teacher," April smiled.

"Oh, he is. So many people thought I shouldn't pursue this, that it's too ambitious...even some of my family members but he says I can do it and he's said it enough that I believe it too," she laughed.

April was quickly coming to find who he really was and it did appear that he'd been taken wrong. While he did speak freely sometimes, nothing he said was sexist or deliberately insulting.

Merle came out of his office after going over the day's results with his team of graduate students and found her in the lobby.

"Hey there, what's on the docket for the rest of your day?" he asked.

"Nothing. Just going to keep working on my article and sitting in my crappy hotel room," she laughed.

"Can I take you back to my place instead? "

"Yes."

She answered without a moment's hesitation and wondered if he noticed.

April was more than happy to go back to his house; it was the only place it felt appropriate to bring up her mother. She would never bring drama to his workplace when she still didn't know the details of their association. She didn't want to create any problems with him, but she couldn't wait any longer. She was becoming more and more attracted to him and needed to know how he'd known her mom.

He drove her to his house, and they ended up in the library again. He brought her a cup of coffee and a plate of cookies, and she smiled at him as he sat down across from her.

"Merle...I have a confession to make, and I really hope you won't be upset."

He took it in stride like he'd been expecting a strange conversation somehow.

"Go ahead."

"I wanted to do this interview for all the right reasons; you need to know that first. I think your work is truly interesting and I think it'll make an amazing article. People with an interest in behavior and anthropology should know more about you and your work. I'm excited about your new book, and I hope maybe we could meet again when it's published..."

"But?"

"But, I also knew about you through my mother."

He frowned at her and looked lost.

"Your mother?"

"Marion Banks."

He stood up slowly and walked over to the window but said nothing.

"I'm sorry...I know I mislead you and I'm sorry, but I just don't know what happened."

April could feel herself getting emotional then; she started to feel choked up as she continued to explain and couldn't stop herself falling apart a little in the process. Now that she was saying it out loud she felt crazy forever trying to go about getting information this way.

"She just left my dad; she never told anyone why...she completely broke him. I was always so close with her, and in that last year, I feel like she became a stranger. I had nothing to go on but a few emails...I just thought you might have some answers."

He turned to her then, and she couldn't place his expression, but he was definitely feeling something strong.

"I'm sorry..." she uttered, wondering if he was mad.

"It's alright, April...I did know her."

He came and sat back down across from her.

"I can kinda see it now, in your eyes. You look a bit like her."

"How did you know her?" she asked, she needed to know everything.

"She was a friend. I met her at that conference I told you about in Jacksonville, with her being a therapist it involved both of our professions. There were a bunch of workshops on biology and behavioral science, and we ended up in the same one. We just hit it off and stayed in touch through email and phone calls. I only ever met her in person a couple of times when she'd come through Atlanta for work."

"So you and she never-"

"No. We were close but not like that; she was still married when I met her. But why isn't your name Banks too?" he asked.

"She refused to change her name when she got married...she was just like that," April explained.

"Actually that sounds just like her," he laughed. "I could just talk to her, and I can't talk to a lot of people about personal things. I guess it's kinda funny cause I'm finding that I can talk to you too. I'm sorry about what happened to her. I had to piece it together for myself after she passed away because nobody even knew to call and let me know."

"So there was no mystery to it, after all, you were just friends."

"She was a good friend, and I'm really sorry she's gone."

"Did she ever tell you why she left? My dad has no answers, and it's hard to see him the way he is, he can't move on."

"I'm sorry, but she didn't. She did call me after the divorce, but she never went into detail why it happened, and I never asked. I didn't want to pressure her when she seemed so stressed already."

At least she had some answers, but she still had the laptop to go through, maybe there would be some explanation there. She'd never figure out the password for the flash drive, but at least she had something now.

"I wonder why she never mentioned me to you," she uttered, feeling like she'd been left out of her mother's identity.

"I could speculate, but I don't think it would sound nice to you."

"Tell me what you really think, I can handle it."

"We spoke really openly about adult things, scientific things and I think with me...she just wanted to be a woman. She didn't want to be a wife or mom with me. I think she just wanted a relationship that was separate from who she was in her day to day life. She told me she had a daughter that she loved more than anything but she didn't tell me anything more than that, not even your name."

"I guess that makes sense."

"Sometimes we need to compartmentalize ourselves and be someone else around different people."

April nodded, it sounded fair to her, and she could see it, she felt different around Merle too.

"I hope you're not upset with me," she said.

"Of course not, I hope this helps a little. I wish I could tell you more but I really only communicated with to her online and it wasn't every day or anything, usually just a couple times a month."

April took a slow breath and smiled at him; she didn't really know where to go from there.

"Are you still in?" she asked softly.

"For the interview?"

"Yeah."

"Absolutely. I'm more than happy to hang out with a beautiful woman and talk about myself."

"Narcissist," she smirked.

"You love it," he insisted.

"Maybe I do," she laughed.

"Then stay a while longer," he said, sounding a little more serious.

_**#####################################################** _

_**This chapter was a little more plot and exposition and I know it's long but I wanted all this in one chapter, not sure why. lol** _

_**the next 2 chapters though? uh...yeah...NSFW.** _

_**NOPE, not safe at all.** _

_**I'm posting them both tomorrow cause I don't break stuff like that up and I'm polishing them up all shiny tonight.** _

_**Love you all and thanks for reading! XOXO Teagan** _


	9. The New Messiah

**_Chapter 9 – The New Messiah_ **

**_If ever there was God,_ **  
**_Please let him shock my heart._ **  
**_I'm no good no more._ **  
**_All my prayers fall short._ **  
**_I'm not strong enough,_ **  
**_I'm not strong enough._ **

**_And you are the new messiah,_ **  
**_Turning my blood into fire._ **  
**_Our tongues ar_ e twist _ed like wire,_**  
**_In the visions, your body inspires._ **  
**_Come cross a river of fire,_ **  
**_To sleep in this bed of desire._ **  
**_I'm letting you go to my head,_ **  
**_Oh, like a bullet to the brain._ **

**_When I first saw your brown eyes,_ **  
**_I swear that I'd seen your face before._ **  
**_But I can't say where or when._ **  
**_Were you heaven sent?_ **  
**_Or just hell bent on taking me in?_ **

_**Or are you the new messiah?**_  
 _ **Turning my blood into fire?**_  
 _ **Our tongues are twisted like wire,**_  
_**In the visions** **your** **body inspires.**_  
_**Come cross a river of fire,**_  
_**To make up this bed of desire.**_  
_**I'm letting you go to my head,**_  
_**Oh, like a bullet to the brain**_

_**~ The Philosopher Kings** _

**_#################################################_ **

Merle suggested they order Thai food and hang out for the evening, he didn't want her to go. Truth be told he wanted to have her for the rest of the night, naked and up in his bedroom.

April sat at the island in his kitchen, looking somehow different to him now that he knew who she was. Something told him he shouldn't find her attractive if he'd been friends with her mother but it was a short-lived notion. She was gorgeous and intelligent so what could he do but feel how he felt?

He made them both a drink to take down the ever increasing tension just a notch, just one drink. Merle wanted her right in the head and completely consenting when he worked up the balls to proposition her, and he knew he'd end up doing it that night. There was always the chance that she was just taking his flirtation with good humor for her job but he hoped it was more than that.

"Thank you," she smiled, taking the gin and soda from him.

"Do you feel better about things now?"

"There's still more I'd like to know but I feel much better knowing you, and she weren't...intimate," she said softly.

"Never. She wasn't into me at all like that," he laughed.

"Did you want her?" she asked.

"She was beautiful but...to be honest, she was a bit of a ball buster. She used to bite my head off anytime I'd open a door for her, we weren't compatible."

"Yep, that's her alright," April laughed. "...I actually liked that."

"I could tell. You don't mind me doing things for you, do you?"

His blue eyes were asking so much of her, and she was ready to answer.

"No. I really like it."

"I want to know more about what you like, April."

She knew this was it; the moment was fully stretching out and taking up the space it needed to. He was not the type to just jump her, and she could already see that with such clarity. He wanted to seduce her properly though there was really no need, April was right there with him in the moment.

"Is it wrong that I still wanna take you to bed?" he asked without missing a beat.

Adrenaline flooded her mind, spreading through her chest and she tried to find words.

"Is it wrong that I want you to?"

Merle felt flattered that she'd say or even think such a thing. He'd been throwing out the line to her all along, only remotely expecting her to bite but there it was.

"I wanna make you forget all about your weepy ex-boyfriend. You deserve a man, April."

"You're some kinda trouble, Merle Dixon," she purred.

"Funny, cause I've been thinking the same about you since we met. I'd love to find out just how much trouble."

She breathed out slow, savoring the verbal foreplay and the heated look in his eyes.

"You're quite the gentleman to not try it on with me when I got drunk," she added.

"It crossed my mind, believe me. Watching you crawl onto that disgusting bed in those black panties had me hurtin' all night."

"Yeah? What did you want to do to me?" she asked, leaning forward and never taking her eyes from his.

It was about to go too far, and she couldn't wait. His gravely voice cut through all the bullshit, the pure masculine tone of it made her heart flutter deep in her chest.

"Let's just say I wanted to take off more than your boots."

April became embroiled in the heat of the exchange and knew he'd be taking the next step to touch her soon; she could feel it slowly enveloping her. She brought her knees up under her body on the stool and then slid her backside onto the granite surface of the island as he took a step closer.

"Tell me more, Merle...what were you thinking?"

She shifted, almost catlike, turning her body toward him and awaited his answer.

"Do you really want the truth or the prettied up version?"

"The truth."

"I wanted to bend you over the bed, rip your panties off and nail you as hard as I could. I wanted to claim your whole body for my own and not stop until you were crying out my name."

"Jesus..." she uttered, and she could feel her body reacting to his words in the most criminal way. A pulse began to beat in her pelvic floor as blood rushed to her most intimate locations.

It was on, and nothing would stop it.

"Primitive, right?" he grinned.

"Very...but I like it."

"Funny, though, I'd never do that."

"No?"

April swallowed hard, unsure what he meant. Surely he did want to be with her or else what was this? Her legs dangled from the counter where she sat before him, listening to his words and praying for his next move.

"No. That's just the primitive part of my brain telling me to take you and dominate you. The more evolved part would remind me that you need to be ready. You shouldn't be just bent over a bed, honey...fun as that could be. Like the book says, arousal is important and a vital part of the whole process."

If he was about to act out The Naked Ape then she knew she was in good hands, chapter 2 was slow and hot and detailed.

"Yes," she answered, licking her lips.

"If I was to just bend you over a bed I'd miss that chance to get you into it...to make you want it."

The gravel in his voice alone was enough to get her wet, the rest was just overkill, but it felt so sinfully good.

Merle lay his hands on her knees over top of her black skirt, and his forehead rested against hers for a second as the flames grew higher. With him standing and her sat atop the counter, they were at eye level for a change and her gaze focused on his mouth as he spoke.

"If I was going to have you, I'd want to be sure to check all the boxes."

She smiled then at the analogy; it was a funny way to think of things.

"Does that sound clinical?" he grinned. "What I mean is that first I'd start with your lips..."

He leaned in then and kissed her lips so softly she craved a much harder touch between their mouths.

"Then I'd touch your face."

He reached his hand up and brushed a piece of her dark brown hair off of her forehead.

April's mind could barely contain it; she'd never experienced this before. She closed her eyes, and he continued to speak.

"I'd be able to tell that you were feeling something too cause the skin of your neck and cheeks would get a little flushed...just like it is right now."

He touched her neck and her cheek as he said the words and still, her eyes remained closed.

"If all of this were to your liking, then your heart rate would increase, and all of the blood vessels in your body would become dilated."

He moved in close again and pressed his lips softly to her neck just below her left ear, pulling a little moan out of her.

"A woman like you should never be just taken that way...it should be a slower, at least at first. At some point it becomes harder to stay slow, though, doesn't it?"

"That's true."

"When the time is just right, and both parties can feel it happening, things become less controlled."

"Uh huh..."

His hands were still on her knees, but now he began to push them apart slowly and moved his body between them, and she knew she needed what he had on offer more than air at that moment.

April could feel the room around her fading into unnecessary background decoration. Merle's arm snaked around her back, and he pulled her into his embrace as her eyes went wider.

"You really up for this?"

"Yes."

"I swear, honey...the things I wanna do to you...I can't wait any longer," he breathed, moving her skirt up and off of her knees.

"I want you, Merle. I want you to do those things you're thinking of."

Merle held her face in his hands and moved his mouth closer, but so slowly she thought she'd die of anticipation. He kissed her softly then as she felt his body come into contact with hers. He moved her knees further apart to get closer to her, and she could feel the heat radiating from him all over her. She'd never kissed anyone this much older, and it had a funny kind of feeling to it. Somehow it was sexier that he had years more experience and that he maybe knew things she didn't. Her hands came to rest on his upper arms, and she closed her eyes, taking in the sensation of his kiss and the feeling of his muscles under her hands.

He filled her mouth with his tongue, and she was well and truly taken by him. It felt like the foreplay had been going on since the moment they first spoke and now was the anointed time. His mouth moved to her neck, and he ran his tongue over her earlobe so softly.

"Stay with me tonight, April, you won't be sorry...I promise," he whispered.

"...OK."

#################################################

 


	10. Charms

_**Chapter 10 – Charms** _

_**sleep, my love**_  
_**dream warm and hard and true**_  
_**in pieces, in colors**_  
_**in a cloud of awkward blue**_  
_**hold, my hand**_  
_**I feel the things you tell no man**_  
_**move through you, so easy**_  
_**it's a knife that cuts me through**_  
_**and you bring me your charms**_  
_**in the cool of your soft little hands**_  
_**in the heat of your legs and your arms**_  
_**you bring me your charms**_

 _**in, my arms** _  
_**in the circle of my arms** _  
_**you're my baby, my lover** _  
_**that is warm and hard and true** _  
_**when you bring me your charms** _  
_**in the cover of our evening sheets** _  
_**in the twist of our legs and our arms** _  
_**you bring me your charms** _

_**in, my arms** _  
_**in the circle of my arms** _  
_**you're my baby, my lover** _  
_**that is warm and hard and true** _  
_**when you bring me your charms** _  
_**in the cover of our evening sheets** _  
_**in the twist of our legs and our arms** _  
_**you bring me your charms** _

_**~ The Philosopher Kings** _

_**########################################** _

When Merle pulled back to look at her face she was smiling, a sweet and simple smile. Something inside said not to touch her, but he wanted to so badly. The only one who could stop it was her, and she didn't look like she was about to do that. There was something very innocent and truly good in her, and he wanted to get closer to it.

He touched her dark hair and looked into her hazel eyes like he was trying to figure just what she was all about and what kind of power she was wielding.

"What?" she asked.

"You're different...you make me feel different," he answered without bothering to consider how odd it sounded. She did make him feel different, why not admit it?

Her black skirt slid up a little, and his fingers grazed her bare thighs. She kissed him deeply, moving her tongue against his, as she grabbed at his body eagerly. He took her ass, resting on the edge of the counter and pulled her in against his hard dick. Already she had him so hard he knew he'd cry if she said stop. Of course, he would stop...but he'd cry.

Her mouth was so sweet and wet and warm as he kissed her that he imagined her tongue elsewhere. His mind was moving ahead of the moment to when he'd get to see her body and taste her skin. He held her cheek and slowly licked her earlobe. She moaned and grabbed a handful of his shirt in her fist pulling him close.

He nudged her knees further apart, and he grinned when she closed her eyes and appeared to wince with need.

"I wanna strip you and lay you out right, honey...I wanna give you what Dave didn't."

"Please..." she whispered, running her fingers through his hair and pulling him closer. "Give me everything."

He teased his fingers up her thighs almost all the way to her panties but not quite getting there. He did undo four buttons of her white blouse though he needed access to her breasts.

Merle could feel her greedy little hands grabbing at the front of his pants and he wanted to give it to her, but there were steps that he wanted to take.

She felt his fingers graze over her nipple through her bra; his hands were so strong and his touch so dominant that she pulled her bra down to expose her breasts for him. April wanted his touch on her bare skin; she was tired of waiting, and it hadn't even been that long since they'd met.

"Oh fuck yes, honey," he groaned, leaning down to reach her breasts with his mouth.

He sucked softly at her right nipple and grinned at the flush in her face, she was so aroused already.

"Your skin is all red, honey, you feelin' hot for me?" he teased, rolling his hips between her open legs.

"So hot...I want you inside me," she whined, bringing her feet up and letting her legs fall open.

He slid her to the edge of the counter to get her down and take her to his bed, he needed space to give her all that he wanted to.

They kissed in the kitchen like a couple of teenagers for a good few minutes until it was apparent that they needed a bed immediately. His hands moved up her thighs, and he growled, trying to imagine being inside her then was devoured by the thought.

"Take me to bed..." she uttered.

Merle walked her back toward the stairs and didn't let go of her all the way up and then down the darkened hallway to his bedroom. A voice screamed inside his head _Stop it! You're gonna screw this up! Do not fuck with this young woman!_ But he ignored it completely.

Her hands moved up inside his shirt, and she scratched her nails softly down his back. He shivered against her, lowering her onto his bed. The voice inside his head was drowned out by the beating of his heart in his ears and the giggle from her pretty mouth as he kicked the door shut.

Having her beneath him felt equal parts perfect and stupid, but he went with it anyway, slowly undoing the rest of the buttons of her shirt and teasing his tongue over newly exposed skin as he moved down her body. She squirmed and ran her hand down the back of his neck, pulling him in tighter against her.

It was going to be frenzied and disorganized, but he didn't care. Merle wanted to touch every inch of her at once, and she was feeling about the same by the looks of it. He'd never waited so long to touch a woman before, it was painful.

He opened her shirt like unwrapping a gift and looked down at her eyes, with the only light coming in from his en suite bathroom.

"You know I'm not the boyfriend type, right?" he warned. "I don't wanna hurt you, honey."

"I know that," she insisted, sitting up to get closer and kiss him again. He was snuggled between her knees and thrusting against her already like an excited kid, but she seemed just as enthused.

Within minutes she was reaching down to grab his ass and moaning into his neck. The sound was what drove him on, her sighs and moans and whining.

He got onto his knees between her open legs and started grabbing at her clothing, searching for a zipper and then dragging the skirt down her legs.

"Someone's excited," she winked. "What's this I heard you say before about me getting off twice?"

He liked her style, she wanted it good, and she deserved that.

"One double coming right up, honey. Roll over."

She looked at him funny but laughed and rolled over onto her belly. His mind went right back to her crawling onto the filthy hotel bed drunk as a skunk. This time, she had on light pink lace panties, and he couldn't wait to get them off but she wanted it good, and she was gonna get it.

He slid his hands up the sides of her body, pushing her arms up and she rested her face on them, folding them under her head. Merle unfastened her bra and began kissing her skin along the back of her neck after moving her hair out of his way.

He made his way to the middle of her back and nudged her knees apart with his thigh, adding a little pressure for her to move against and then taking it away. He lay one hand on her back and let the other drift down to the backs of her thighs, and she began to breathe heavy, throwing in the occasional little sound that pushed him on.

He used his tongue on the backs of her knees next, and she giggled.

"That tickles!"

He continued up the back of her thigh, finally reaching her perfect round ass cheek and kissed it with a hungry open mouth.

"Damn..." she sighed.

He pushed her thighs further open, and she happily assumed a more frog legged position, inviting his touch.

"All I've been able to think about is your body since you got here," he moaned.

"Well, you got it now...so do me right, Professor."

He turned her into a wanton woman. It had been so long since she'd been with a man who even had a clue and Merle Dixon had so much more than a clue. The scratching of his facial hair on her back and the weight of his body on top of her was intoxicating.

Merle had to touch her then, and he knew she wanted him to. His fingertips drifted up her inner thigh as he continued to lay soft kisses all over her ass through her lace panties. She whined loudly when he finally made it to where he was going, and he loved that. This Dave character really wasn't doing his job if this was impressing her so much.

He went back to kissing her neck while keeping up the heat between her thighs with his hand and she was not quiet about letting him know she was happy.

He whispered into her ear that he wasn't even close to done with her yet and she squealed a little into the pillow, making him laugh. He hadn't been with anyone this excited about sex in a long time, probably since he was 27 himself.

His fingers moved the lace out of his way, and he felt the insanely wet, slippery heaven that was her pussy. She slowly lifted her hips from the mattress and dropped her shoulders to the bed, and he hissed at the sight of her gorgeous ass on display for him. His fingers continued to tease her wet lips, and he slid a single finger inside her, making her whine, and he was totally taken with her. This woman was unapologetically frisky and in desperate need of a good, hard fuck.

He was only human, so the desire to taste her won out, and he slid her panties down her legs, leaving them around her knees, and pressed his mouth to her warmth from behind.

"Oh...Mmmmm...fuck..." she moaned.

He licked up the inside of her thigh to her heat and lay his hands on her ass to tease his tongue between her wet lips as she breathed harder and heavier. She hissed, trying to control her body and was finding it hard.

Merle flipped her over after a few minutes and rained down frenzied kisses all over her belly and thighs before going back to his favorite activity.

"I need your hands, honey..."

"Huh?"

She was so into it that words were hard to decipher. He slid his hands under her ass and waited until she looked down at him.

"Open yourself up for me," he growled, and she knew just what he meant so she moved her hand down her body right to the source of her agony and moved her lips apart.

Soon his tongue began trailing torturous circles around her clit then dipping deeply into her with just enough pressure to make her groan. Her legs lay wide open, and she knew she'd never had oral this good and probably never would again when she got back home.

"Don't cum, honey...not yet."

"Gimme your dick for a minute...or I'm gonna cum all over your mouth."

"That's some filthy talk for a 27-year-old, isn't it?" he noted.

"Are you offended?" she grinned.

"Hell no! I'm impressed!"

"Lay down then, I'm gonna suck it good and proper."

"Good God, woman!"

She really wasn't kidding, she was a naughty girl.

He stripped his pants off and lay back on the bed, unable to believe the way the night was panning out. She crouched between his calves and kissed her way upward, pushing his legs apart and trailing her tongue up the very edge of his balls.

"Oh Christ!" he panted. Soon she was jerking him off slow and teasing the head of his dick with her mouth before taking him deep.

Merle had driven her out of her mind, and she needed to push back a little, to bring him down to his knees as it were. His dick was hard as stone and perfect. She took him deep into her mouth, using her hand as well. The skin slid smoothly over the end and back down the shaft as she jerked him off, making him call out her name.

"April...honey, you're killin' me."

He was in danger of letting go too fast, so he pulled her back up to kiss her again. She was incredible and full of fire. Then it dawned on him that he needed the condoms in her purse cause he didn't have any in the house.

"Honey, we need a condom."

"Just a second," she said, scootching out of bed and walking out of his room. He could hear her descend the stairs and the sound of her digging in her purse before returning.

"Here," she said, handing it to him when she got back.

"I just wanted it handy, I ain't done with you yet," he growled, rolling her under him and taking some time with her breasts. He licked slow circles leading to her nipples until he closed his mouth around one while touching her where she really needed it.

"Don't stop..."

He knew she was close, so he slid two fingers into her smooth, wetness and her lower back raised off the bed just a little.

"Cum for me, honey..." he urged, slipping his wet fingers out to move them around her clit.

"Mmmm...uh...oh...uh..."

She was making all kinds of noise, and it was doing wonders for his ego. Only when the noises got crazy loud did he feel her body clench around his fingers and she grabbed his hand, holding it steady as she moved herself against it. She was straight up fucking his hand and crying out his name like she'd never cum before.

"Fuck...Merle...oh god!"

"Jesus, woman! You get off like there's an exorcism going down."

"Problem?" she panted, catching her breath,

"Fuck no! Get over here and ride my dick, honey."

April did not need to be told twice, so she grabbed the condom off the night stand and had it rolled down his length in a heartbeat.

He lay his hands on her waist, and she kissed him slow for a minute, and it threw him off guard.

"I love kissing you," she whispered, taking a moment to press her lips to his and it fucked with his mind a little. Even if she was only talking about kissing him the word love still sounded so out of place in his bed.

She slid her body down around his dick, and his head pushed back into the pillow. Her body was the best he'd ever felt, he new that one fact right away.

She kept her hands on his chest and fucked him slow at first, looking down into his eyes, and it almost made him uncomfortable. He didn't know what she was thinking, but she was definitely thinking something.

Normally there was no eye contact or words, just fucking in the dark and then they'd leave. He didn't know what the hell this was.

"Feel good?" she grinned as he reached up to touch her breasts.

"Feels so fucking good, honey, come here."

He pulled her mouth to his and kissed her so hard and so long he was almost out of breath when he rolled her underneath him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he fucked her smooth, holding her right leg around his waist.

He was close to the edge, but he wanted her to cum again if there was any chance. He wanted to be the best lover she ever had and then maybe this would happen again. He loved kissing her too and didn't want it to stop.

Merle moved back a little to touch her clit as he kept up the pace. She looked up at him and smiled, and within a minute or so her eyes rolled into her head, and she spread her legs wider. He could feel it happening on his dick, and it was more than he could take, but he had gotten her off twice, thank God.

He reached orgasm and his face contorted in the sweet pain of knowing he'd need more of her.

He flat out collapsed and buried his face in her hair when it subsided. He didn't know what to say to her, but he felt like a million dollars.

"That was incredible," she sighed.

"Affirmative," he grinned, still panting from exertion.

A few minutes later, when he rolled off of her, April sat up and moved to the edge of the bed to stand up. She was trying to find where her clothes were so she could go to the bathroom and then go right to sleep, sex this good was tiring.

"Honey?"

"Yeah?" she answered, pulling her panties on and then her shirt.

"Wait...where are you going?"

"Bathroom," she answered, turning to smile at him casually.

"Whew! Thought you were leaving me already, getting dressed and everything."

"No, it's just a bit of a weird quirk with me, but I don't like to sleep naked."

"That's cool."

"You said you wanted me to stay, right? I didn't really want to get a cab at this hour."

"I definitely want you to stay," he insisted.

"I'll be right back then," she smiled.

"You better be."


	11. Angel of the Morning

 

**_Chapter 11 – Angel of the Morning_ **

**_There'll be no strings to bind your hands_ **  
**_Not if my love can't bind your heart._ **  
**_And there's no need to take a stand_ **  
**_For it was I who chose to start._ **  
**_I see no need to take me home,_ **  
**_I'm old enough to face the dawn._ **

**_Just call me angel of the morning, angel_ **  
**_Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby._ **  
**_Just call me angel of the morning, angel_ **  
**_Then slowly turn away from me._ **

**_~ The Pretenders_ **

_**####################################** _

When April returned to Merle's room, he was sat up in bed waiting for her. She figured he'd be almost asleep by then; Dave would have been. He pulled back the covers to let her in, and she smiled, curling up next to him.

Sleeping with a man who'd known her mother was strange but never seeing them together made it somehow unreal that they'd been friends.

Merle wrapped her up in his big arms, and his body heat enveloped her. She knew he wasn't the type to have real relationships, but it still felt good just to be held.

"You alright?" he asked, kissing her neck.

"I'm great," she sighed. "I think that's just what I needed."

"Well, I'm happy to help."

She rolled over to face him and grinned, wrapping her arm and leg around him.

Something about great sex always made her cuddly, but it had been years since she'd felt this way. April didn't have a lot of boyfriends, and many of them made her feel nothing; she had started to wonder if she was broken somehow.

"So," he growled, "you're a cuddler."

"Problem?"

"Hell no."

Merle held her by her lower back and pulled her even closer. He didn't want to admit to her how much he liked it, or himself, but it was probably obvious. She'd be going back to Jacksonville soon to either patch things up with her ex or find a new man who suited her better. Being one of her mistakes was probably the best he could hope for, but he'd take all he could get. Even a man afraid of intimacy needed to be held sometimes.

She fell asleep faster than he expected and he just watched her in the dim light of the room. She looked completely at peace and really beautiful.

_**################################** _

The alarm on Merle's phone went off and startled him awake at 7 am, but he didn't have any classes till 11 am, so he gently rolled over to shut it up while trying to keep her asleep. April was still in the same position as when she'd drifted off, and she was so warm.

He managed to stop the alarm and wrapped his arm back around her, over the blanket. She seemed smaller and younger in the morning light but still very much a woman.

He watched her for another twenty minutes before she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Good morning," she grumbled, rubbing her eyes and stretching in his arms.

"I'm in class at 11 am today. Do you want to come with me?"

She smiled and nodded, "Sure."

He wanted to kiss her but didn't know if he'd be crowding her, he normally didn't have a woman with him by the morning.

"I'll go make you breakfast," he yawned.

"You like to cook, don't you?"

"I'm single, so I kinda have to cook," he laughed.

"You can definitely make me breakfast; I'm starving."

Merle got up out of bed, bare naked and completely comfortable in his skin and she loved that. Dave would actually wrap the sheet around his waist; he was right about Dave being insecure. Merle was strong and fit, and she respected the way he obviously cared for himself.

He bent over to grab some clothes from a drawer, and her hungry eyes coveted him again.

"Hurry up and get some clothes on," she teased.

"I'm not so pretty in the good light, huh?"

"Actually, you're too pretty. I'm starving, but if you don't cover up soon, I'm dragging you back to bed."

_**############################** _

She was sat at the island in his kitchen a few minutes later with her laptop trying passwords from her list as he began digging in his fridge for ingredients.

"Do you like cantaloupe?" he asked.

"Yes, thanks."

She watched as he cut up fruit and lay it on a platter and then got started on something else.

"I think you may be a much better cook than me," she noted, watching how easily he moved around the kitchen.

"I like my food, and it's only me here, so I had to learn a little at least. I even took a class."

"Really?"

"When you're a single man, macaroni and take out pizza gets old fast. You working on your article already this morning?"

"No, this is just my eternal struggle of trying to figure out a password."

"I can never remember my passwords, so I changed them, so they're all the same. If someone is that determined to hack my Twitter, let 'em," he laughed.

"I have all the same passwords too, but this is my mother's so I'll never get it."

He was whisking eggs in a bowl and looked at her kind of funny.

"What's it for?"

"A flash drive that belonged to my mother."

"Did you try 'Tuscany' yet?"

"Tuscany?"

"That trip to Tuscany was almost all she ever talked about in that last year, it's worth a shot," he laughed.

"This password has numbers too, though," she sighed.

"Here."

Merle walked around to her laptop and typed in Tuscany2015, and the flash drive opened.

"Holy shit, Merle!" April yelped and grabbed him, pulling him close.

"Jesus! What's on this flash drive? Nuclear codes?"

"It's just her journal, but this could maybe answer all the questions I have...I can't believe you did it!"

"She kept on repeating 'Tuscany2015' like it was a mantra, I just figured she might use that," he explained.

"She never told me about wanting to go there. I don't understand why?"

"She was big into compartmentalizing apparently."

"Seems to be the case," she sighed. "Thank you, Merle."

He looked down at her happy face and couldn't help feeling like a hero.

"Hope it helps, honey."

Merle cooked her an omelet with mushrooms, peppers, ham and cheese and she wolfed it before his very eyes along with a plate of fruit.

"Ladylike, huh?" she grinned.

"I love a woman who actually eats," he nodded.

"Why don't you skip my class today and stay here to read through that flash drive, I can tell you're eager," he grinned.

"You don't mind?"

"How long have you been trying to get into it?"

"A couple of months."

"Yeah, you stay here and do that instead. We still have plenty of time before you go back, right?"

"Right."

Merle got dressed for work after spending the morning with her drinking coffee and chatting about his new book. She loved the look of him in his work clothes. He wore dark jeans, a dress shirt, and a tie; he looked delicious. When he left, he told her to make herself at home and that he wanted to take her out that night.

"Sounds good," she smiled.

"I'm not smothering you?"

"No, I'm really enjoying spending time with you."

"Good. You just lemme know if you want more space."

He kissed her again and left for his class then she was alone in his huge house. She couldn't help feeling very small and alone; her apartment was tiny while Merle's house was massive compared to it.

She took her laptop into the library and sat in Merle's fancy leather chair to get started. Finally, she'd get some answers.

The first entry was from 9 months before her mother's death. Apparently, it was a very new journal. All the entries were just in a long thread in a word file...they were just random snippets from different days.

_**I feel like everything is lost, but I can't go back. It's too stifling; I just can't. April is so upset, and I don't blame her cause I am too. I thought it would get easier but how do you stay with someone when you've fallen out of love? I just can't lie to myself anymore, it's been years, and it's making me crazy. I could pretend it was all about Anthony and that woman but even before that things were different. The affair was such a small part of it in the end. I know how we appeared to everyone around us and for years that was true, but we grew apart and just kept up the front.** _

_**I'm a therapist who needs a therapist or maybe just to get away for a while. Now that I've had time to think I know this is the right thing to do but that doesn't make it easy. This can't be all there is in my life.** _

April frowned at the new questions where she had been seeking answers. She looked up, eyed the scotch decanter and poured a small glass; the idea that her father had ever cheated seemed absurd.

She found herself afraid to read on, but it was like a trapdoor into the unknown, and she needed to know what lay beyond, even if there were skeletons.


	12. Running If You Call My Name

_**Chapter 12 – Running If You Call You My Name** _

_**I went back to a room** _

_**And every memory came rushing back to soon** _

_**As I packed my bags and I lied down** _

_**I felt the bed sink in, and the covers surround (I let go )** _

_**Cause with my eyes closed I see the door open wide (oh)** _

_**And with my eyes closed, I'm leaving it all behind** _

_**I will run away if you call my name** _

_**And I, I'll keep running if you come my way** _

_**And I will run away if you call my name** _

_**And I, I'll keep running if you come my way** _

_**When you come my way** _

_**I'll keep running if you come my way** _

_**~ HAIM** _

_**#################################** _

_**~Being free is both terrifying and jubilant. Living alone is lonely but somehow less lonely than being with Anthony. When April left home, the emptiness just swallowed me in that house. It's hard to feel completely guilty when I feel so good now, but I do, I know April doesn't understand, and she deserves to.~** _

April was just getting into the next section of writing when her phone rang, and she answered it without looking.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell have you been? You haven't been answering my texts or calls!"

"I'm here working. So who was the girl you didn't want answering your phone?"

"...what?"

"Gimme a break, Dave. I don't need this shit. I know you're messing around so let's just call it a day, OK?"

"But-"

He sighed heavily cause he knew he was busted so there was no point in pushing it.

"It's just done, and it's OK," she said matter-of-factly.

"I guess you're right...I'm sorry."

"Just tell the next woman instead of playing games. It's no fun being cheated on, and it just makes you look like a coward. You're better than that, Dave."

"You're taking this very well."

"I'll be fine," she insisted. "I have some of your photography stuff at my place, and I'll drop it off in a few weeks when I'm done in Atlanta."

"That's fine...thanks."

"No problem. Best wishes to you and what's her face," she added.

"It was just that one night."

"I'm sure there will be others. See ya."

"Goodbye, April."

She hung up and rolled her eyes, returning to her mother's final words. A lot of it was mundane stuff about work, books she was reading, meetings, clients who were driving her nuts, so April skimmed to the parts of interest.

_**~I finally have the trip booked, and it's going to cost a bomb, but I don't care. I've been dreaming of Tuscany since I was a kid and I'm actually going now. I never thought I'd be able to go; I never thought I'd be free enough or brave enough. I'm so excited! I just need to take some time for myself and get my head straight. I've been a mother since I was 17 and a wife since I was 18, I've never been just a woman before. I swear I don't even know who I am these days and for a therapist, that's pretty sad. On paper, I know just what's going on but I need to deal with it, and I think this is how.~** _

April could feel sadness in her mother's words and a sense of being trapped by her own life. April was still free at 27 to walk away from a cheater and move on to a new man, but her mother had already been entirely obligated to others for ten years at her age. She knew that her mother didn't regret having her, but it must have been limiting to her discovering who she was as an individual.

April had been able to date, try new things, fail, win and all the other things that you do to figure yourself out in your early twenties and her mother hadn't. Suddenly she felt happy that she'd been able to get to Italy but then so sad that it had all ended there.

 _ **~Anthony still thinks it's all because of Denise that I'm gone, and I**_ _**keep telling him it's not, but it's easier to have him believe that than to say I don't love him anymore. Him cheating was just proof that it wasn't working. I think I need to tell April, but it's hard to even say out loud.**_

_**I'm glad I have Merle. All my girlfriends would judge me running off on an overseas vacation alone after leaving my husband. I know they think I'm screwing around. Oh, the fucking irony!** _

_**The best thing about Merle is he doesn't pry and use everything I say to scrutinize me, he just listens. He didn't even ask why I left Anthony; he just trusted that I must have my reasons. All he said was, "So what's next for you?"** _

_**I never had a friend like him, if only I thought we could work. Lol, Maybe I'll meet a sexy Italian man while I'm away!~** _

April sat back and took a break from the reading; it was so tragic that her mother had been so full of hope for the future and it was getting to her. She placed her laptop on the chair and stretched her legs, deciding to explore Merle's home.

She walked back to the bedroom where they'd had sex only the night before. He'd made the bed neatly, and she went through the drawers in his bathroom like a creep. She knew it was wrong to snoop, but she'd always craved answers, which is why she loved conducting interviews.

He had all the usual men's stuff in the bathroom. Soap, aftershave, Tylenol in the medicine cupboard.

She smelled his shampoo and admired the neatly folded towels.

In his underwear drawer she found a small photo album with pictures of himself, and what was presumably his brother, he looked vaguely like Merle but not too much.

April decided to stop her hunt for god knows what and return to the journal, skipping further along in the long file.

_**~Florence is more beautiful than I could have imagined. I want to bring April someday; I think she'd love it! But that's all after I explain things. We've never been distant before, and it feels so wrong, but she's so close to Anthony it's hard to imagine telling her the truth, maybe she'd think I'm selfish and hate me. I'm afraid of her hating him either; I'm trapped in the truth in a big way. April and Anthony have something so special I don't want that to ever change; he is a good man who just made a mistake. I know it's pathetic in my profession to be so lost in my own life, but I don't want to disappoint anyone, and at the same time, I just want to be happy. Life doesn't get easier after forty cause the stakes just get higher.~** _

April found herself overcome by it all. It was worse than she thought and the knowledge that her mother had felt the disconnect between them as well hurt so badly.

April had to walk away for a while; it was not easy to read.

She realized she'd have to get back to her hotel soon; she didn't have a change of clothes or a toothbrush to her name at his house. Getting so close so fast was not what she'd planned on, and she knew it wasn't professional, but Merle made it so easy.

She called Nigel and checked in quickly and also called her dad, who's voice sounded funny to her know that she knew he'd been unfaithful. April would always be a daddy's girl, but he'd lost a little of the Superman quality he'd always had. Now he was an ordinary, flawed man but one she still loved.

April took out the book Merle had given her to read in an attempt to relax her mind a little. Reading always helped to calm her down. She read for two hours before being startled by a text from Merle.

_**~ Feels like I've been away from you for days! What kind of voodoo are you workin' on me? See ya soon;)** _

April grinned down at her phone, knowing that being around him would make her feel better and she hoped he'd rush back.

##################################################

**~ Next, Merle comes home and comforts her all over the library;)**


	13. Sinking Like a Sunset

**Chapter 13 – Sinking Like a Sunset**

**Don't hold out let's make love right now**

**Cause there's some things I'd like to forget**

**When our hearts are sinkin' like a sunset**

**Won't you hold me now**

**Make things alright**

**Cause when you're with me here**

**The sun comes out at night**

**Making me forget**

**We're sinking like a sunset**

**~ Tom Cochrane**

###################################

April heard the key in the front door, and her heart skipped a beat, much to her surprise. It had been forever since she'd felt that.

Merle made his way to the library and pushed the door open, looking down at her sitting across from his chair.

"Hey, you."

"Hey, how was class?"

"Good. You OK?" Merle asked, sitting down in his chair.

He looked concerned, and she loved that he seemed to notice immediately that things were off for her, Dave never would have.

"It's not easy to read. My mom wanted me to see Tuscany; she wanted to tell me herself why it all fell apart; she wanted to start over and be happy..none of that's going to happen now."

She could feel herself starting to crack, so she took a slow deep breath trying to pull it all together.

"Come here," he insisted, beckoning her with a little movement of his hand.

She didn't quite know what he meant as she walked over to stand in front of him, but then he turned her and pulled her down onto his lap.

April sank back against him as he enclosed her in his arms. She needed it, so she closed her eyes and just enjoyed it.

She needed to be taken care of for a change, not to be the one doing the consoling for once.

He rested his head on her shoulder and then slowly kissed her neck. "You could still see Tuscany, that could happen."

Needing his touch was not something she'd ever planned on, but at that moment she did, more than anything.

Her breathing slowed as she just let him take all her weight, all her sadness, and agitation. His lips stayed pressed against her neck for a moment, and when he pulled his face back, she got a wave of hot breath on her skin.

The vibes in the room changed then, and he held his hands on her stomach for a moment. April turned to see his face; some looks are so unquestionably clear.

April reached her arm around his neck and turned her head enough to kiss him, and that was it. His hands took her breasts through her shirt, and he hunched her back further on his lap till her feet left the ground.

She moaned softly, and they both began to breathe heavier and harder. Merle pulled her shirt up to get his hands underneath, and she melted into it. He ran his fingertips over her nipples through her bra as he filled her mouth with his tongue; she gave into him completely.

She'd waited so long for a man to be a man.

Suddenly his right hand was inside the cup of her bra, and she rolled her hips back into his body and opened her legs around his thighs. He made her feel sexy and like pushing the boundaries was the only smart thing to do. Having sex while in emotional pain perhaps wasn't healthy but she needed him.

He opened his thighs a little further and moved his touch, down between her legs, and she knew she was already wet for him. The pace was erratic and desperate, and she wanted him inside her so bad it hurt.

She kissed him hard and furious as the temperature climbed off the charts, he was too much.

He had her pants unzipped in a heartbeat, and he held her against his chest as his right hand slipped into her panties.

"Oh Jesus, Merle! Mmmmm..."

His fingertips slid right between her folds and right to her wet heat where he made dizzying movements to tease her right into his web.

"You're so wet, honey...I gotta fucking have you!" he growled.

Her legs spread further apart, and he used his wet fingertips on her clit to blind her with pleasure.

"You wanna fuck me, Merle?" she purred.

"I have to."

She squirmed off of his lap and dropped her pants and underwear so fast he couldn't believe what hit him.

"Good God, woman!"

"Well?" she asked, apparently wondering why he was still dressed.

"Do we need a-" he began.

"You don't have anything right?"

"Hell no! I get tested very six months religiously."

He remembered her saying she had an IUD and if she was comfortable with it, who was he to complain? He had nothing, and he wasn't worried that she did. Some moments aren't for condom talk.

He stood up just long enough to strip and before he knew it she was sitting back into his lap and tearing off her bra.

She was still facing outward, so she took a moment to get him inside her, but when she did, he thought he might die right there.

"Oh fuck, honey...ride me, girl," he hissed, pulled her back against him to tease her nipples again. She rolled her hips in a sleepy movement, taking him in and letting him out by just a few inches.

It felt like nothing else, and he let one hand creep down to her open knee and then drift up her thigh.

"Mmmmm...yeah...oh..." she moaned, leaning her ass into his body.

She bent forward just a little then, and the view was incredible, her round, perfect ass moving before him and his hands coveting every inch of her he could reach.

Having sex with April was intense and something he couldn't resist even though he knew she was leaving and he'd miss it like crazy. Maybe she was just fucking him to feel better as she dealt with the breakup with her boyfriend or the information about her mother, but he'd still take it.

He could feel himself getting close, but he wanted her facing him.

"Turn around, honey," he panted, and she was on his lap straddling him in a heartbeat. Merle had to kiss her; he loved to kiss her too...just as she'd said before.

The same woman being around for long enough that he could get to know her was a problem, especially when that woman was so amazing and also going to be leaving him.

/

The way he filled her was not like anyone else; he made her feel like the woman in the 'relationship,' and she was starting to crave it more. She had to make all the decisions with Dave, and he was always getting his feelings hurt or moping. She needed a man, and Merle was definitely that.

She ground herself into his body as he dove into her breasts like a hungry infant, suckling, and licking and pulling her to his mouth. The heat brewing between her legs as she rolled her pussy into him was being released by the perfect attention he was paying to her breasts.

"Christ, honey...you fuck so good!" he hissed.

The gravel in his voice...the very timber of it made her come undone. It felt good to be fucking a man and not a boy.

"Uh...uuh...oh...fuuuuuck!"

Her body curled forward, and she could feel it in every cell of her body, like a rebirth.

He grabbed her ass and picked her up as it subsided and lay her on the ground to take over.

She held her hand on his chest as he drove into her and she could see the sweat glistening on his forehead; he was giving her everything.

Merle pulled her legs up behind the knees to finish, and she arched her back, taking him deep.

"Good God, April, you're perfect!" he groaned, and within minutes he was leaning over her, pressing his chest to hers and letting go.

They both panted until their composure returned, and then he laughed a little to himself.

"You're getting the kind of information your readers probably aren't really interested in."

"I really should get moving on that someday," she laughed.

"Tomorrow. Tonight I wanna take you somewhere."

"You're spoiling me, Merle."

"Damn right, I am! You gonna try and stop me?"

"No. But I think I need to decide where I'm staying," she giggled. "I need my toothbrush and clothes."

"Let's go get 'em and you stay here with me," he insisted.

"What about my hotel room?"

"Just keep it, so your work doesn't find out you're not staying there."

"That's not nice to make them pay for a room I'm not using, you're very naughty."

"They deserve it for expecting you to stay in that dive. You could get murdered in a place like that."

"OK. You twisted my arm," she agreed, standing up to get dressed.

Merle drove her back to her hotel where she packed up the necessities and brought them back to his house. He felt like he must be losing mind to get so close but he liked her being around.

"Take a nice long soak if you want, and I'll cook some supper," he offered, when they arrived back at his place.

He sounded so domesticated already he didn't even recognize himself. It felt a little like playing a role. 'Boyfriend guy' could be a fun role to play for a few weeks, who knew where it could go.

"I have to say," she began, wrapping her arms around his body from behind him, "it's really nice to be taken care of for a change."

"You got me roped and wrangled already," he laughed.

Merle pulled her arms around him and kissed the top of her head and sighed at the ease of the whole thing.

April went upstairs to get cleaned up and noticed that he had a huge soaker tub in his main bathroom, it looked so beautiful after that awful hotel bathroom.

She let the water run and climbed in, drizzling some of his sexy men's body wash for bubbles. She sank under the hot water that smelled just like him and thought more about her mother.

Everything about her mother's last year seemed to be shouting a loud message to her.

Time is short. Do what you want to and do it right now. Tomorrow is not promised.

The feeling she'd had just from hearing his keys in the door persisted in her mind. It did exist still, that excited feeling deep in your veins at the anticipation of seeing someone in particular.

April closed her eyes and slipped under the water completely.


	14. Wings

_**Chapter 14 – Wings** _

_**Under a trillion stars** _

_**We danced on top of cars** _

_**Took pictures of the stage** _

_**So far from where we are** _

_**They made me think of you** _

_**They made me think of you** _

_**Oh lights go down** _

_**In the moment we're lost and found** _

_**I just wanna be by your side** _

_**If these wings could fly** _

_**Oh damn these walls** _

_**In the moment we're ten feet tall** _

_**And how you told me after it all** _

_**We'd remember tonight** _

_**For the rest of our lives** _

_**~ Birdy** _

_**######################################** _

Merle was halfway through cooking supper for April when his phone rang, and it surprised him, his home phone hardly ever rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, man. Long time, no speak!"

"Daryl! Hey, I didn't even know you were back in town."

"Yeah, I got back yesterday but I've been unpacking and getting my shit straight, and this is the first free minute I've had. So what are you up to?"

"I'm just making some supper."

Merle had no idea how to tell him he had a woman over, he expected a reaction but wasn't sure what it would be. Daryl had been away with Carol on holiday, and neither of them would believe what his life was looking like now, even he didn't.

"Wanna go out after you eat?"

"Actually, I have someone over right now."

"Bring him too," Daryl suggested, assuming it was a male friend.

"It's a woman."

"Huh?"

"I'm doing an interview for a magazine about my work and this woman is the one writing the article."

"Oh, so it's a work thing. You had me confused there."

"It's a work thing and also a not work thing."

There was a moment of silence.

"Are you seeing this woman?" Daryl asked like it was unheard of and it was.

"I don't know for sure what it is, she's going to be heading back to Jacksonville after she's finished here...I think she's a little too young to want to be with me like that anyway."

"She must be something special though I never heard you talk like this."

"She is. I guess I'll just enjoy it all I can while she's here."

"Maybe you should carry it on if you like her that much."

April walked down the stairs feeling fresh and relaxed, and she paused when she heard him speaking in the kitchen. She hoped he didn't have company but quickly figured out it was a phone call. Still, she paused to hear at least his half of the conversation.

"She's really great...I know, it ain't like me at all, is it?...I don't even know what to tell her, I've never done this sort of thing before...She might be doing some work tomorrow, so I'll give you a call if I have some free time...OK, yep! Talk to you then...bye."

She waited a few more seconds before entering the kitchen.

"Your bath is heaven," she raved, trying to be nonchalant.

He turned and smiled at her and handed her a plate of spaghetti.

"Nothing fancy," he shrugged.

"Stop, it's awesome! I'll be sure to mention your cooking skills in the article," she grinned.

Merle sat down across the island from her, and they ate in companionable silence.

"I needed this," she said as she was finishing her entire plateful.

"Glad you liked it. Do you feel better?"

"I do feel better, thanks to you. I accepted that my mom is gone...people die in car accidents all the time, and it's sad for everyone, but it's just that she was finally free."

"So it explained things for you some?"

"She just fell out of love; that's all...she wanted to be her own woman and find someone else."

"Did reading that upset you?"

"I could understand it. My parents always seemed content, but they were very different people. It was the fact that my mom finally got everything she wanted. She was in the place she always wanted to go, and that's when her life ended. It makes me think."

"And what do you think?" he asked, and she knew he was genuinely interested. It felt great to be having a real adult conversation with someone who visibly cared what her response was. Her mother was right; he was an excellent listener.

"I think that it's important to go for what you want rather than waiting. I've heard that all my life but it hits home even harder now."

"Definitely. Life is for the living," he smiled.

"I would never have found any of this without that password, and you're the only person on the planet who would have known it. Isn't that incredible that I came here, and that you knew it?"

"A happy fluke I'd say...you're a bit of a happy fluke too."

She loved the way it just popped out so naturally.

"Maybe you were right, in the end, though. Maybe love is nonsense. Even after all those years they were together, it just ended." she shrugged.

"Don't listen to nothing I say, honey. I'm starting to think maybe I don't know anything about this kind of thing."

She smiled at him, and he felt something funny inside, like entrapment. She was starting to get to him.

"So you gonna let me take you out for a bit?" he continued, taking her plate to the sink.

"Where are we going?"

"That's a surprise."

"How do I dress?"

"You're fine just like that."

April wondered where he was taking her that shorts and a tank top were OK, but she soon found out.

He drove her to the university but not to any classroom; he took her to the observatory. Merle just didn't feel like taking her to the bar. He didn't want to see other men looking at her, not that she was his to be jealous over. There was just nothing pleasant about feeling possessive, and he wasn't used to it.

A professor was working late, and apparently, Merle showing up was a regular occurrence.

"Hey, Merle," the man said casually, not raising his head.

"Professor Stookey," Merle greeted him.

"Do you have an interest in the universe and all the stars and planets?" she asked.

"Nope. It's just pretty," he laughed.

They walked up to the dome, and he showed her a few basic things through the telescope, and then they lay back on the floor to observe the night sky for themselves. The observatory was the last place he should have brought her; it was too romantic.

"It's a big old world, hey?" he began.

"It really is...the sky looks like amethyst tonight."

"It does look kinda purple," he mused.

"I love amethyst; it was my mother's birthstone."

April felt far away from home and also far away from herself, but it was great to be out of touch for the moment.

Merle moved his hand over to touch hers, and she held it tight, looking up at the twinkling above them both.

"I'm gonna miss you when you go back," he murmured. It slipped before he even ran it through his mind, April was making him do and say things he normally wouldn't and as uncomfortable as it made him he couldn't stop.

She thought of the half conversation she'd heard from back at his house and smiled. The feeling that she was getting when she was around him meant something; she wasn't entirely sure what it all was yet, but it meant something.

"Who says it has to end?" she answered casually.

He didn't say anything for a good few minutes, so she kept her eyes on the night sky and just let the moment breathe. She wasn't interested in coaxing a response from him; she just wanted him to say what he wanted or not speak at all.

"I don't know if a long distance thing would be fair for you."

"Why just me? I know you date a lot, it would probably be more unfair to you, to be honest."

"What if I didn't want to see anybody else."

"Wouldn't you get lonely?"

"I don't think so. I really like you, April."

"What are you doing to me, Merle?"

"Sorry."

"No, I like it..." she admitted.

"Me too."


	15. All About You

_**Chapter 15 – All About You** _

_**You don't have to do this on your own** _

_**Like there's no one that cares about you** _

_**You don't have to act like you're alone** _

_**Like the walls are closing in around you** _

_**You** **don't have to pretend no** **one knows**_

_**Like there's no one that understands you** _

_**I'm not just some face you used to know** _

_**I know all about you** _

_**And you should know that someone cares about you** _

_**I know all about you** _

_**~ Birdy** _

_**#############################################** _

He drove her back to his home after a romantic evening of laying on their backs on the observatory floor holding hands. Merle didn't do romantic things like that; he didn't even think of it as a romantic thing when he'd taken her there, but she'd made it that way. He went to the observatory all the time, and it was nothing but with her it was a whole different experience, just sitting and drinking coffee was different with her.

She asked him a few more interview questions before bed as they brushed their teeth, standing side by side like they'd been married for years. He also gave her a list of people at the university she may want to speak to about his work including one of the girls who complained about him the year before.

"I don't need to talk to her if you don't want me to."

"I don't mind at all, just remember to note that they found no evidence of sexism in my class."

"I'll be sure to do that. Any family I could speak with? You mentioned your brother."

"Yeah, you can talk to Daryl. I'll ask him over tomorrow night."

"Thanks so much for being so accommodating, now take me to bed," she laughed. "I'm exhausted."

They collapsed in bed, and she fell asleep to the sensation of him running his fingertips up and down her arm.

Merle's mind wouldn't let him rest for a long time; he was starting to fall, and he felt like he should fight it. He wasn't this guy, and he didn't know how to be anyone's boyfriend. Still, the thought of sitting around his big empty house and missing her all the time when she left sounded like torture. He wished he didn't like her so much, but he did.

########################

Merle got up the next morning and was dressing for work when April rolled over to watch him. She stretched and climbed out of bed herself, happy to have her own clothes close at hand again.

She made a quick call to Nigel who was knee deep in house selecting drama with his partner, and she offered to send her intro and a few notes. Nigel insisted she could just send her rough draft in about a week and asked if she was having a good time in Atlanta.

"Great! It's a beautiful city," she noted, feeling odd that she was staring at the subject of her interview with no shirt on as she spoke.

"Take it easy and don't forget to take a few nights to let your hair down while you're there," Nigel teased.

"Thanks, Nigel. I'm going to do my best on this, and I'll send you something in a week. I appreciate this opportunity."

"Don't even mention it. Talk soon."

She knew she had to keep her hands off Merle for a good solid work day, and she was determined to get the bulk of her interviewing completed.

They had a quick breakfast, and he drove her to the University, kissing her cheek in the car before exiting. Doing things like kissing her goodbye and holding her close was so damned easy and felt so normal already. It was like she'd always been there and he was starting to think of her going more and more.

Every few hours he'd look around and wonder how it all happened that he had this woman in his life, but he knew it was him that made it that way. He'd all but begged her to stay with him, and he was following her like a puppy. He was acting just like Daryl when he met Carol. Merle remembered distinctly all the teasing he'd thrown at Daryl for acting like a love sick boy; now the joke was on him.

Merle arranged for her to have access to his office all day to have privacy for her interviews which made life easier.

April first spoke with a female colleague from the biology department named Professor Harrison who spoke very highly of him.

"He's witty, intelligent, passionate. You couldn't ask for more in a professor. His work is fascinating across many fields."

"The lab work, you mean?"

"All of it but especially the lab work, the results are of interest to a behavioral psychologist, biologist, sociologist and obviously in anthropology."

"Have you worked in the lab with him on these experiments? I had a chance to see what he's doing, and it was very interesting."

"A little, I'm quite busy myself, but I know he's always making time to chat with students after class. One of his former students still comes back whenever he's in town to visit. Martin, I think his name is."

The next person she spoke to was the girl who had complained about him to the Dean. Her name was Audrey, and she looked unsure of herself, not quite the girl April was expecting. She looked sensitive and sweet.

"I'm just interested in your side of the story," she explained when Audrey asked why she'd want to speak to her.

"He rubbed me the wrong way right off the bat. He'd call female students 'honey, ' and he seemed to love pointing out how women were inferior to men but made it all sound scientific so whenever I'd call him on it, he'd say it's just science."

"I see. How did you voice your concerns to him?"

"I told Professor Dixon not to call me honey, and he did stop, but he still seemed to focus on how males and females were different. He suggested that males were superior because they have larger brains, and they're stronger than females; at least that's how it sounded to me. He rarely taught about the value of more traditionally female roles like mothering and compassionate caregiving."

"And when you spoke to him he couldn't see this side of it?"

"By the time I got the nerve to talk about it, I went straight to the Dean instead...I wish I hadn't though."

"Really?"

"I should have just talked to him cause it got blown out of proportion then I felt I had to defend it even stronger."

"That does happen sometimes," April shrugged. "Still, thank you for speaking to me about this."

"Anonymously, right?"

"Yep, would you like to pick a pseudonym?"

"Oh...Lydia?"

"That'll work just fine. Thanks, Audrey."

Audrey got up when they'd finished but asked a question of April before leaving.

"So you don't find him to be sexist at all?"

"Not personally but it's not for anyone else to tell you how to perceive things. You know...he's the one who wanted me to speak with you. Merle wanted your opinion included in this piece. That has to say something, right?"

"That's surprising...maybe I had it wrong."

"Maybe you had a point about including more emphasis on the areas where women have shined throughout evolution too...perhaps you were both a little wrong and a little right."

"Think I could say something to him?"

"It's definitely up to you, but it may put it to rest for you and him. He has a student this year, a young woman, who he's been encouraging because she wants to be an archaeologist. I saw it for myself, and I thought it was very positive."

"I'll speak to him then, bury the hatchet maybe. Thanks a lot, Miss Sumner."

"Thank you."

When the girl left the room, she hit pause on her voice recorder and smiled to herself, hoping she'd helped in some way and not overstepped her role.

April walked the corridors between interviews in search of coffee and eventually found a machine.

"Hey, April!"

Laurie-Anne walked up to her and asked what she was up to. April was sure this girl was the sweetest university student on the planet.

"Just doing a few interviews for the article," she smiled, bending down for her coffee.

"Hope it all goes well," Laurie-Anne added.

Merle walked passed then, and April looked up and grinned at him as he winked. It was hard to be discreet when they both felt so much heat between them.

"I saw that."

"What?"

"Come on!"

Laurie-Anne rolled her eyes and smiled at her.

"I know that look; I'm not blind. Are you seeing each other?"

There was no point in lying to this observant young woman.

"Yes, but please don't tell anyone."

"I won't breathe a word; I think it's nice."

"Thanks, Laurie-Anne."

"No problem, I better go, but I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, definitely. See ya."

Next, she spoke to a man who worked in Merle's lab about his work, and he provided her with a bunch of files and charts of their findings. Professor Greene spoke in depth and very technically about their work, and April found herself completely engrossed, even if she had to ask him to slow down and explain a few things. It was almost like speaking to Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory the way he expected her to understand advanced biology and anthropology. Everything about humans and why they behaved the way they do could be explained and backed up and what they didn't know could be studied and ascertained through science.

April loved everything he had to say and was still chatting with him and going over some of his charts when Merle knocked on the door at lunch time.

"Sorry...just need my swipe card."

"I think we can carry this on later, my dear. I need to get moving, but it's been a pleasure."

"Same here, Professor Greene. Thank you so much."

"Call me Hershel, please."

She smiled, and he headed out the door with a nod of his head in Merle's direction.

When he was sure they were alone, he looked at her in astonishment.

"What miracles have you been working in here?" he asked.

"Why do you say that?" she chuckled, collecting her papers from his desktop.

"I just got an apology from my most vehement detractor."

"I just talked to her, and she saw things differently afterward. You happy?"

"Very! I'm not here to piss people off; I'm here to teach and this...this means a lot to me. Whatever you said to her, thank you."

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true."

Merle approached her and checked that the shades were drawn before pushing her against the nearest wall and kissing her. He felt so grateful that she'd even bother to try and make things better for him at work. It was like having a partner to watch your back, and it felt good.

"So could I take you out to a stupid work function if you're still here in about a week?"

She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Yes."

"It's one of those stuffy work dinners where you dress up and talk to snooty, annoying people," he sighed.

"Sounds like a blast, I'd be happy to come along."

"Till then do you want to go get some lunch in a university cafeteria?"

"Sure," she laughed.

Over lunch, she told him she'd be just typing up what she had so far and continuing with interviews the next day by phone. She just needed to speak to Daryl in person, and they'd be doing that later that very evening.

"Sounds good. Don't work too hard though or you'll be leaving me sooner," Merle laughed.

"I'll drag it out as long as I can," she winked back.

A simple roll in the hay was developing into more, she could feel it, and knowing his history, it scared her to dive in so deep. She wondered if he was ready for where they were headed, but she couldn't pull back, it all felt so right.

There was every chance in the world that it would become too much for a consummate bachelor, and he'd back off, but she was taking that risk cause nobody made her feel like Merle did. The one thing she'd learned from the 'mystery' of her mother's last year was to jump when you could see the chance of happiness, and that's just what she was doing.


	16. Ready for You

_**Chapter 16 – Ready for You** _

_**You and me, we'll make it serious now** _

_**And I'll be good if you can tell me how** _

_**Cause I been wondering lately** _

_**Are you the one that's gonna hold me down?** _

_**Can you tell me, oh, would you lead me on?** _

_**Would you start me over? I'm ready to be torn apart** _

_**And oh, would you break my heart?** _

_**And I'll break it for you; I'm ready to be torn apart** _

_**Oh, I'm ready for you, I'm ready for you** _

_**I'm ready for you, oh now, I'm ready for you** _

_**~Years and Years** _

_**##########################** _

Merle insisted on cooking again that night as she sat at her computer to read more of her mom's journal and type up more of the article.

"So what's your brother like?" she asked, watching him cut up some vegetables.

"Daryl's my best friend. He's funny, and he'd do anything for someone he cares about."

"Sounds unique, most brother's I've encountered wouldn't be so full of high praise about each other."

"We went through a lot growing up in that house...it made us close, cause we never had anyone else."

"That's terrible. Makes this whole thing with my parents seem insignificant."

"Not at all. My parents weren't good parents, so I never had anything to lose, you do. You don't have any siblings do you?"

"No."

"So it's just you with a head full of good memories that changed overnight, that's worse in a way. I still have Daryl, and all the bad shit is behind me."

"You have a really different way of looking at everything, don't you?" she smiled.

"I try to."

Soon the doorbell announced his brother's arrival and he wasn't alone.

"Hey, Merle," he said, walking into the kitchen with a very attractive woman with short light brown hair and the bluest eyes she'd ever seen.

"Daryl, Carol, this is April Sumner. She's writing an article for _Behavior and Science_ and also kinda staying here," he winked.

"Nice to meet you," April offered, holding her hand out to both of them.

"My brother's never had a woman stay over, you must be something else," Daryl joked.

"I'm sure she is, Daryl," Carol said, rolling her eyes. "He's tactful, right?"

"It's fine. I know it's out of the ordinary for Merle, he told me that."

"What are you making us then?" Daryl asked.

"Stir fry. Here, grab everyone a beer," Merle motioned to the fridge.

Soon they were gathered around the table, and April felt she was getting to know even more of the real Merle.

April noticed that Merle and Carol were very close and were often engaged in some inside joke or general goofing around. She could hear them in the kitchen laughing their heads off and talking overtop of each other's sentences. Daryl and Carol must have been together for quite some time for this level of ease. She used the time to try and chat with Daryl.

"So you and Merle were born in Macon?" she began, knowing it was a lame opening, but she had nothing else.

"Yep, Merle says you're from Jacksonville?"

"Born and raised."

There was silence, and she could sense something in him that was the absolute opposite of open.

"You OK?" she asked, hoping he'd spill it himself.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Do you mind if I guess what it is?"

He laughed, like she was a little out of her mind, but nodded his head.

"You know Merle isn't the settling type, so you're wondering what kind of web I've weaved to ensnare him. To be honest, I'm wondering that myself...why me? You also don't trust me because I'm writing an article and that's fair, but you should know that I admire him, and I'm genuinely interested in his work. I would never write anything to defame him."

"And do you have feelings for him?" Daryl asked point blank.

"Yes. Your brother makes me feel more than anyone has in years. I don't know if he feels that way too, but I'd never defame him, even if he ended it tomorrow. I'm not like that."

"Thank you for being honest."

"I'm not here to hurt him; I promise you that."

Daryl smiled then, and she knew she had his trust.

Merle and Carol walked in then with coffee and the rest of the evening was friendly and fun. April found some more time to ask questions about Merle in private and discovered a little more about him.

He'd been on a road to total juvenile delinquency by grade nine when he found the book at the bus stop. He'd already been in Juvenile Hall a few times for fighting and petty theft. Merle was drinking and smoking, shoplifting and falling apart until he found that book and it changed everything like magic. He found new focus in life and from that moment forward he spent all his time in the library, at the guidance counselor's office or begging tutors for even more help.

"Merle had trouble with advanced math and science, but he got all the extra help he needed by offering to protect all the smart kids who tutored him. He was fighting battles that weren't even his just to study more and get scholarships when he graduated. The only thing he wanted was to become the opposite of our father and boy, did he accomplish that. Our dad didn't even graduate."

"This is exactly the story I want to tell, and if it makes you more comfortable, I'll forward you a copy before I send it to the editor."

"You'd do that?" Daryl asked.

"Yes, I can sense how protective you are of him, and I get it."

Daryl filled her in on some childhood stories, and they got very comfortable together, April liked him a lot. She asked for his and Carol's email to forward the article when she had it written up, and she could tell he felt better about everything.

Eventually, it got late, and they all said their goodbyes at Merle's front door.

April felt even closer to Merle through hearing about his childhood; she admired him for what he'd been through and overcome.

Merle walked into the kitchen to start on dishes, and she insisted he sit down.

"You cooked, I'll clean."

"You're a guest."

"I don't care."

He obeyed her and sat at the island to watch her load the dishwasher; he was beguiled.

"Did you find out all my bad secrets from my brother?"

"No. Everything Daryl told me makes me admire you more," she grinned, leaning across the counter to kiss his lips.

Maybe she could be his; maybe it didn't have to be a short term thing just while she was in town. She was interested in his work; they liked some of the same movies and TV shows, and the sex was incredible. Maybe it didn't have to end just like she said. He felt ready to lay it on the line for the first time and just see where it led him.

She finished up the dishes, and they ended up in the living room with a bottle of wine and some Al Green on vinyl.

_**I can think of younger days** _

_**when living for my life** _

_**was everything a man could want to do** _

_**I could never see tomorrow,** _

_**I was never told about the sorrow** _

_**And how can you mend a broken heart?** _

_**How can you stop the rain from falling down?** _

_**How can you stop the sun from shining?** _

_**What makes the world go round?** _

_**How can you mend this broken man?** _

_**How can a loser ever win?** _

_**Please help me mend my broken heart** _

_**and let me live again...** _

Merle pulled her close, cause he needed her close and it wasn't scary now. He was starting to realize that he had kept women at arm's length to stay safe. After seeing the mess that was his parent's marriage he just had no interest in it. It was a good thing though because he just wanted to be with her.

None of those other women were like her, so he was glad he hadn't let them get too close. Having the time to get to know April was the key that opened his eyes. She was someone he could share things with; she had his back already, and he wanted to return the favor. This is what Daryl had been talking about all this time, about having someone in your corner and how it made every little experience in life more significant.

April took the book he'd given her from her bag and leaned back into him to read.

"You sure spent a lot of time with Daryl tonight," he began.

"He's great. I can see why you're so close."

"Would I be wearing you out if I took you to bed again?" he growled, kissing her neck.

"Nope. Just lemme finish this chapter, and I'll throw you around the bedroom a little."

"Gonna make me suffer and wait?"

"Yes," she winked, "but you know I'll give it all to you, don't you?"

"Yeah, I know you will, honey.


	17. Fire and the Flood

_**Chapter 17 – Fire and the Flood** _

_**I was only walking through your neighborhood** _

_**Saw you out loud honey in the cold I stood** _

_**Anywhere I go there you are** _

_**Anywhere I go there you are** _

_**I been getting used to waking up with you** _

_**I been getting used to waking up here** _

_**Anywhere I go there you are** _

_**Anywhere I go there you are** _

_**There you are** _

_**There you are** _

_**You're the fire and the flood** _

_**And I'll always feel you in my blood** _

_**Everything is fine** _

_**When your hand is resting next to mine** _

_**Next to mine** _

_**You're the fire and the flood** _

_**Since we met, I feel a lightness in my step** _

_**You're miles away, but I still feel you** _

_**Anywhere I go there you are (anywhere)** _

_**Anywhere I go there you are** _

_**~ Vance Joy** _

_**#################################** _

Merle waited as long as he could, which was about 2 minutes.

"I wanna take you upstairs," he whispered into her ear, moving her hair off her neck.

"Just one more paragraph..." she teased.

"No, right now," he insisted, pulling her back against his chest. "I gotta have you now."

It's like there was a clock in his head ticking constantly. As much as he liked spending time with her just eating, talking and being together, he wanted her body too while he could have it.

"Alright then, mister," she purred, turning in his arms to kiss him.

He walked her up the stairs and sat her down on the edge of the bed.

She loved how he touched her. There was so much confidence in the way he moved that she knew he had it all thought out. He knew what he wanted, and somehow he knew what she wanted without her even speaking.

He stood before her and undid the buttons of his shirt, then shrugged out of it.

April grinned up at him and drank in the sight of his strong chest and arms; he was sexy as hell and 100% masculinity. She knelt on the edge of the bed and took him by the waist, pulling him to her mouth. Kissing from his lips to the middle of his chest down to his belt, she teased her tongue over the trail of hair before her face.

Before long her greedy hands were undoing his belt and pulling down his pants enough to get to his dick.

"I like you staying here," he sighed as she took hold of him.

"Yeah? I wonder why?" she giggled, teasing her tongue over the head of his hard cock.

"Not just for this. It's nice not to sleep alone, eat alone...be alone."

She looked up at him, sensing the seriousness of his tone.

"I like being here too; I live alone as well, so I get all of that."

"I guess you would."

"Now shhh, you're distracting me," she winked, taking him into her mouth pulling a deep growl from him.

April worked his dick and then moved down to trial her tongue along his balls making him hiss sharply.

He just did it for her; he was unapologetically male, and she loved that.

"Oh, Christ...that's good!"

He was throbbing hard and just wanted to touch her, so he reached down to pull her shirt over her head and lay her out on the bed. Having sex with her over and over was amazing, it was a little different every time, and he was starting to figure out different things she liked.

He lay over her and kissed her for a long time just cause he could; she was a great kisser, and he was going to miss it when she went back home. He brushed strands of hair off her face as he kissed her and she wrapped her legs around him, pulling his body in closer to her.

Kissing Merle was so good all on its own; she slid her hand down his chest all the way to his dick as he squirmed his pants off his feet.

He paused to take his socks off, and she asked him why.

"You don't like sleeping naked, and I don't like to fuck with socks on," he grinned.

She laughed, pulling him back to her and he had her out of her bra next, laying hot open mouthed kisses from one shoulder to the other and then right down the middle of her chest.

"Gonna tease me?" she whined.

"No, honey."

He took her breasts and gave her just what she wanted, sucking and licking softly until her legs were spread wider, begging for his attention lower down.

"Want more?" he asked.

"I want everything."

"Come here; I wanna try something."

He took off her pants and lay back on the bed with his head on the pillow then pulled her over to him.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked.

"Come put yourself right here," he said, pulling her closer till she figured it out and was all but sitting on his broad chest.

She giggled at the awkwardness of it until he pulled his knees up and leaned her back against them. He had the pillow under his head, so her body was within easy reach of his mouth. April let her weight rest on his chest and took in the sight of her legs on either side of his head.

He grabbed her thighs and pulled them open as his lips met her body, kissing softly all over her panties.

"Oh god!" she whined wantonly.

The feeling of his strong hands holding her legs apart and his full lips on the material of her panties was evil goodness.

She leaned back against his legs and let her head fall back on his knees; it was a great position that she would never have come up with.

She wanted to give him something to look at besides her panties, so she glided her hands over her breasts slowly, letting her fingertips linger as they moved over her nipples making them instantly hard.

He moved his hand up and slid her panties out of his way and licked her lips like he was hungry for it.

Her thighs shivered in anticipation, and he pulled her even closer. She opened her legs wider, trying to attain more of his touch. His head moved back and forth slowly, and then he sucked her lips into his mouth, she was all but melting into him.

"Oh damn!"

He looked up at her fingers pinching her nipples; it was making him crazy. He could feel her closing in on her orgasm; it wasn't far off. He moved his hands to the inside of her thighs, and she broke right then at that moment.

"Uh...uh...oh...Mmmmm..."

He loved it when she came; it was always like the release of demons into the ether; unapologetic and pure.

She brought her left foot over his head and rolled off of his chest onto the bed, looking entirely spent for a moment.

"I want you inside me, Merle," she whispered when she had it in her to move again.

Everything slowed down then, and he looked into her lovely brown eyes as if seeking answers, maybe he was.

Where have you been all my life?

How am I gonna make it when you leave?

This time, the sex was slow but deeper and meaningful. He was making love to her. Maybe that's not what it was for her, but he knew that's what it was to him. He thrust into her harder as his downfall approached and he was already thinking of the next time.

"You feel soooo good in me," she whined like nothing in the world could beat it.

It was entirely different to be having sex with someone and also feeling so much for them. It wasn't just about getting off now; it was fulfilling a need inside him to feel close and to want someone else to feel that way too. It was a need he hadn't even realized was there until she came into his life.

The sensation of being so deep inside her was too intense to last long; she pulled it out of him before he wanted, but it always felt so amazing.

He pressed his lips to her neck and grunted into her skin as he filled her with his hot cum. It was probably more polite to pull out, but it was hard to control.

Her arms were around his neck, and she was breathing just as heavy as he was.

"Sorry...I shoulda pulled out I guess."

"It's fine...I don't mind..." she panted back.

He pulled the blankets over them both, and she lay naked with him for a while before getting up to get dressed.

"I don't get the not sleeping naked thing, but it's cute," he teased.

She threw on one of his t-shirts and a pair of panties and crawled back in next to him.

"How did we get so comfortable so fast?" she yawned.

"No idea. I never even used to have a woman overnight, and now it feels almost like I'm married to you. The really scary part is I love it," Merle chuckled.

"What are you up to tomorrow?" she asked.

"I don't even have class tomorrow, and you're all caught up with your work, right? What do you like to do on a day off? We can do anything you want."

"I like to lay in bed and watch a chick flick," she answered, rolling into him with the blanket tucked under her chin.

"Chick flick? Ugh!"

"Some of them are not that bad."

"Name one that's not that bad."

"Say Anything?"

"Stop it. Really?"

"You've seen it?"

"Of course not, it's a chick flick," he laughed.

"Then I'm making you watch it tomorrow. You and me, in bed all day with a girl movie," she grinned.

"Get out!" he growled, and she laughed hysterically.

"Please," she begged in her sweetest voice, sliding her hand down his body.

"Hey, woman! You done wore me out, ain't nothing down there for you right now."

After some more chatting about how _Say Anything_ had been her favorite movie to watch with her mom, Merle fell asleep holding her so tight she couldn't move a muscle. She seemed more than happy to be held, though, so he didn't let go...


	18. All I Want Is You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, there is a glitch at the moment, around>>> (Sept.7/2016)  
> If I don't receive a review it may be because of that:)  
> I answer all reviews I receive so it's not because I don't care:)  
> Thanks for reading XOXO Teagan

_**Chapter 18 – All I Want Is You** _

_**If I was a flower growing wild and free** _

_**All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.** _

_**And if I was a tree growing tall and green** _

_**All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves** _

_**All I want is you, will you be my bride?** _

_**Take me by the hand and stand by my side** _

_**All I want is you, will you stay with me?** _

_**Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.** _

_**~ Barry Louis Polisar** _

_**####################################** _

The next morning they got up just long enough to grab some breakfast and then went right back to bed. It felt almost like a honeymoon.

She searched for the movie on his online TV service as he sat on the bed next to her playing pouty-face.

"You'll like it! Cut out that pouting before I give you a reason to pout."

"Oh! You're threatening me now?" he grinned.

They sat on the bed with a bowl of popcorn, grape soda and M&Ms in full-on movie mode and he tried his best to get into it.

"So, this is what you do?" he asked.

"This is it. Come here," April smiled, leaning into him against the headboard.

He frowned at the interactions of the young couple, Diane, and Lloyd, rolling his eyes every time they said something cheesy.

"I promise we'll watch something you like next time," she said, trying to sweeten his disposition.

By the time it was almost half over, Merle had sat up and paused the movie for the third time to comment.

"So they're fucking in the car...and he has his shirt on, she's still got a camisole thing on, and there's a blanket? What is this craziness?" he scoffed.

"Merle, they aren't going to show boobs, it's an 80s chick flick," she giggled throwing a piece of popcorn at him."

"Hey, you! I didn't even want to let you eat in bed; now we'll be sleeping in crumbs."

"Relax, ya neat freak! I'll sweep it out for you."

"I'm not saying they have to show boobs. Diane could have had the blanket pulled up, or they could just shoot it, so they don't show that part."

"Babe, if you question it this much it'll all fall apart. Just watch and hush," she insisted, snuggling up into his arms and unpausing it.

A little while later he couldn't help commenting again.

"Oh hell! This guy's smooth, writing her a letter. Awwww!"

"Merle, it's romantic! You never wrote anything for a woman?"

"Never. I never held up a stereo and played Peter Gabriel either. Am I bad?"

"Yes, but for other reasons," she winked.

"So, women like this kind of thing in real life?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"Oh yes! I never had a man do something like this. Just sweep me off my feet, read me a poem he'd written himself or sing to me in public..."

She sighed and got all dreamy eyed.

"These movies are like crack for girls, aren't they?" he teased. "So you want a poem? Could it be a dirty limerick? I think I know some of those."

"No, Merle. It would have to be all heartfelt and romantic...something honest. Like if you're trying to get a woman back or get her to forgive you then you'd do it.

"So I'd need to make you mad and then write a poem? This sounds exhausting. I just wanna love on you."

She turned to him at the word love and squinted her eyes a little, sure that it had slipped, but he didn't take it back.

The movie continued, but she was enjoying his commentary as much as anything else.

"Why is she breaking it off with him?" he whispered a little while later.

"Cause her dad has her feeling all guilty about it."

"Huh. I can't believe Diane actually gave him that pen," he added, staring at the screen as he spoke.

"I know, right?"

"That's pretty low."

"So true."

She grinned at the fact that it looked like he was getting into it.

When Diane finally went after Lloyd to get him back, Merle became impatient with Lloyd for holding out and not kissing her.

"Come on! Just kiss her for crying out loud! What's his deal?"

"He's upset with her for breaking up with him."

"Yeah, I guess so, but still they gotta get back together."

"I knew you'd get into it," she teased, pulling his arm tighter around her.

"Shaddup!"

"Does this reflect normal human relationships?" she teased.

"I don't even know anymore, I'm learning a lot these days," he laughed.

By the time they'd gotten through 2 more 'girl movies' and a mountain of popcorn, supper just didn't sound appealing.

"How do you not slip into a food coma on days you do this?" Merle asked.

"I can't believe you don't do lazy movie days."

"I might start, but only if you're with me," he smiled.

By 9 pm they were both passed out on the bed in each other's arms having crashed hard from an M&M sugar high.

###########################

The next few days were just as uncomplicated for Merle. He always thought having a woman in his life full time would be a pain in the ass, but April was fun and so easy to be around. She asked him a lot of questions about his work and about the book he'd given her to read. She had already started on another from his library on evolutionary biology by Richard Dawkins.

Merle would go to work every day, and she kept working on her article and reading.

She stayed in touch with her dad every day, and it was surprisingly easy to overlook his indiscretion, it just didn't matter now that her mother was gone. Life was too short. He was still her father, and he was all she had for relatives in the area. People made mistakes and forgiveness was her preferred route. Staying angry just wasn't her style unless it was a very significant issue she couldn't get over.

April looked forward to going to Merle's work fundraiser; she was excited that he wanted them to be seen together around all his colleagues. She was running out of ways to stall so she'd have to be heading home soon, and she was dreading it.

The day before the big event they went shopping because he needed a new pair of dress shoes and he insisted on buying her a dress.

"I do have my own money, you know?"

"Yes, but this is my work thing so it's not fair that you should have to buy a dress for it with your own money."

She sighed and knew she'd get nowhere with him; he never let her pay for anything.

She tried on nine different dresses while he sat reading a book in the waiting area with two other men. He couldn't help acknowledging that this was a very 'boyfriend' thing to do, and he liked it. Every time she came out, he'd raise his head and say yes, but she insisted on trying them all on before making him choose.

"The dark blue one."

"You think?"

"Yeah, it's pretty, but you need a strapless bra for it."

"Aren't you just the fashion expert," she winked.

"Hey, I know what I like, I'm a smart man," he laughed.

"Yeah? What do you like most Mr. Anthropologist?"

"I like the look of your good breeding hips in that dress," he teased.

"How flattering? You gonna club me and drag me back to your cave next?"

"I don't think I'd have to. I bet you'd come quite willingly. I also think you like my inappropriate compliments."

"Hush up," she giggled.

He stood up and walked over to have a closer look at her new dress and wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm right, though, aren't I?"

"Maybe," she grinned when his lips brushed her ear. "Stop...we're in public."

"What if I dragged you into that change room and had my way with you?"

"I think we'd get busted cause there's cameras all over the store."

"Damn it! I'll have to get ya later then."

"Promise?"

"That's a guarantee, honey."


	19. Again

_**Chapter 19 – Again** _

_**I been searching for you** _

_**I heard a cry within my soul** _

_**I never had a yearning quite like this before** _

_**Now that you are walking right through my door** _

_**All of my life** _

_**Where have you been** _

_**I wonder if I'll ever see you again** _

_**And if that day comes** _

_**I know we could win** _

_**I wonder if I'll ever see you again** _

_**~ Lenny Kravitz** _

_**##########################** _

Merle spent even longer than usual getting ready, the night of the faculty fundraiser was a fancy gig that he generally skipped.

April was very close to finished with her article and very proud of her work. She'd sent some excerpts to Nigel that morning, and he got back to her right away to tell her he was very impressed. Thankfully he hadn't been informed by the hotel that she wasn't staying there anymore.

April put on the blue dress and twisted her hair up into a braided bun on top of her head and spent an hour doing her makeup.

Merle shaved his face and put on a handsome dark gray suit with a red tie, and she stood in the doorway of the bathroom admiring him.

"What?" he asked, catching her stare.

"You look so good; I want to keep you here all night."

"It's you who looks good, honey."

April came to stand next to him before the mirror and leaned into him.

"We look good together."

"We really do," he agreed, looking at her eyes in the reflection.

Over the course of the week, she had typed up her article, they talked about everything under the sun and made love every chance they got...it was all perfect.

Soon they were in the car, heading to his work function and he was excited to be seen with her. She made him feel proud just to be himself. As it stood she would be heading back in a couple of days, but they'd be staying in touch, and she had mentioned possibly moving to Atlanta so they could be closer. His home was harder to give up than her crumby apartment and Atlanta had tons of opportunities for her.

The dinner was as boring as he'd warned her it would be, but they were still in their own little world together and didn't pay much attention to anyone else. Merle got up to use the restroom but made her promise him a dance later, for once he actually wanted to.

On the way back he bumped into an English professor who insisted on commenting on his date.

"Bit young, isn't she?" Professor Daniels smirked, not even looking at him.

"No, she's almost 28."

"Pfft! How old are you?"

"40...but she knows her own mind," Merle countered.

"She's gorgeous," he noted, and they both looked over to see a group of young servers eyeing her up.

Merle wasn't surprised at all that men would be looking at her, but she didn't even seem to be aware.

"She's beautiful in every way," Merle agreed and walked away.

He arrived back at the table and smiled down at her checking her hair in a small hand mirror.

"You look perfect."

"So you're dancing with me this time?" she grinned.

"You got it, but just lemme sit for a minute that chicken ain't sitting right."

He had heartburn and indigestion from the supper they'd eaten an hour before, so she offered to go find him some antacids.

"I'm fine, don't bother," he insisted. "I just need to sit for a minute and drink some water."

"Of course, just rest," she insisted.

"We only have a little time left together," he said, rubbing his hand over his shoulder.

"I know. I'm gonna go crazy when I leave here," April sighed.

"Doesn't have to be forever. If you can still stand me in a few months, maybe you could move here permanent." He smiled at her, and she could see it in his eyes; he could feel it too.

"That's the plan. It's been a really amazing few weeks for me," she said, reaching across the table to touch his hand.

"Me too, the best time I ever had."

Merle took a deep breath then and winced sharply, and she frowned...something wasn't right.

"Merle?"

He groaned then and tried to stand up, but instead, he crumpled to the floor.

"Merle!"

The air was gone from her lungs as she looked down at him clutching his chest and gasping for air.

"Help! Someone call 911! Now!"

April bent down next to him and loosened his tie.

"Hold on, Merle...stay with me...hold on, please!"

It looked like an obvious heart attack and the first thing she thought of was Aspirin.

"Aspirin! I need Aspirin! Hurry!"

She held her hand up until somebody gave her one but kept her eyes on him the entire time.

"Here...chew this...stay with me...you have to chew it...hold on, baby."

She looked around frantically, and it felt like hours before she was pulled away from him, and the EMTs took over.

_**##########################** _

One long, panicked ambulance ride to the hospital and April was left crying in the waiting room, anxiously awaiting answers. She'd taken Merle's phone to call Daryl, and he said they'd be there as soon as possible.

April just wanted to know he was OK, and she paced the floor until she was sure she'd leave a groove in her wake. If she never kissed him again, she didn't know what she'd do. The comfort of the way they interacted, the laughter, the respect, the desire. He was all she needed, and she knew that now, maybe all too late.

"Hey! Did they tell you anything?"

Daryl stormed in with Carol, hot on his heels seeking answers.

"Not yet...they haven't told me anything except that he had a heart attack. I don't know how serious it is yet, sorry."

"That's how our dad died," Daryl said, looking terrified. "Heart disease runs rampant on our dad's side of the family."

She was standing in her dress and Merle's suit jacket around her shoulders, the smell of his cologne lingering in the lining. Daryl hugged her when she broke down again, and they ended up sat in the waiting room, completely in the dark as to Merle's prognosis, for what felt like a long time.

Carol sat next to April and held her hand for a moment.

"I know how much he feels for you, April. He's strong...he'll be OK," she insisted, but her eyes still held doubt.

"We're so happy," April said in a broken voice. "We've just been so happy together and now...I can't lose him now."

All she could get out were snippets of sentences, being drowned out by emotion. She hadn't known Merle long, but it didn't matter. The heart knows when it finds love; that's exactly what it was, and she knew it. She wished now that she had said it to his face even once.

"What happened anyway?" Daryl asked, needing more details.

"We were just sat at the table talking... and he pulled this face, and he felt to the ground. I screamed for help immediately, and they called 911. He'd said he had indigestion...I just didn't connect it at all. I'm sorry. He told me your dad died, but he never said how it happened."

"Hey, there's no way you could know," Daryl insisted. "I know you care about him; I'm glad he wasn't alone."

"He means a lot to me, Daryl."

An agonizing hour later they finally had a doctor speak to them. Merle was alive and in stable condition. It was a heart attack, but they didn't suspect the damage would be nearly as bad as it could have been. They'd performed an angioplasty to remove the clot and were treating him with drugs for the same condition, but it was just a matter of waiting to see how he responded.

"Can I see him?" April asked. "Just to hold his hand for a minute...please?"

"Sure," the doctor smiled, "by the way whoever gave him the Aspirin bought him some critical time."

"That was me," she said, happy to have helped somehow.

They were all allowed into his room to see him and say a few words although he wasn't conscious.

"He was just sedated for the angioplasty, he should be awake but still groggy tomorrow," the doctor explained.

Daryl looked down at him, and it was visibly hard for him to see his older brother in such a state.

He sat down next to the bed and eyed the tubes and oxygen and shuddered.

"I know you're gonna be OK...you have to be."

Carol lay her hands on his shoulders and bent down to whisper something into his ear. He nodded and turned his head to kiss her cheek and a couple of minutes later they got up to leave.

"We'll be in the waiting room so you can have some privacy with him," Carol said, squeezing her hand.

April couldn't believe how accommodating they were being when their loved one was in such a fragile state. She stood and hugged them both before they left.

"Call us right away if something changes," Daryl said.

"Of course."

April sat next to his bed and watched the rise and fall of his chest.

"When you wake up I'm going to be right here. Everything is going to be OK...I love you."

_**#############################** _

_**Things actually get worse in ch.20, just so you're prepared:/ sorry. I do love you guys:) I swear!** _

_**Teagan XOXO** _


	20. I Would Be Your Man

_*** This is a long and miserable chapter, hold onto something:/** _

 

 

 

_ **Chapter 20 – I Would Be Your Man** _

 

_**Could it be you're the one?** _

_**Maybe I'm now the lucky guy** _

_**Or should I turn and run?** _

_**It's so easy to see that I...** _

_**Could wash your feet** _

_**And fill your womb** _

_**And I would be your man** _

_**Well, it hurts to know, but I don't think I can** _

_**Is it gonna hurt if we try?** _

_**Is this the calm before the flood?** _

_**Well, we may skip like stones** _

_**Or you could pull me from the mud** _

_**I will miss the songs and stories** _

_**And the things you brought in** _

_**Could it be it's been so long?** _

_**I can't love you; I've forgotten how** _

_**I'm shy, once bitten** _

_**Though I'm desperate, I keep my place** _

_**If nothing is written** _

_**Must you leave me without a trace?** _

_**When I would wash your feet** _

_**And fill your womb** _

_**And I would be your man** _

_**Well, it hurts to know, but I don't think I can...** _

_**~ The Odds** _

 

 

 

 

_**######################** _

Merle opened his eyes when the morning light tugged at his eyelids. His mouth was dry, and he felt like he'd been hit by a train. He coughed and winced at the ache deep in his chest.

Just when he thought it couldn't get worse, he saw April's concerned face, and he wished she wasn't there to see him that way. He still wasn't sure what happened, but something told him he'd had a heart attack just like his asshole father.

“Merle...here,” she said, laying her hand on his shoulder as he tried to roll onto his side. He noticed that she was still in the blue dress, she probably hadn't even slept.

“Nurse,” she called, and two nurses arrived to help him get himself straight again.

A doctor came in right after and confirmed that he'd had a heart attack and that he would be in the hospital for a week or so for additional testing and recovery.

Hearing those words from the doctor made his mind go blank. A heart attack at 40? Even his dad had been older than 40.

April looked distraught and asked a few questions on his behalf and held his hand. He'd only known her a few weeks, and here she was acting as his wife, and he couldn't figure out why. He'd never had a real girlfriend, so this was new.

“I'm sure you'll have a lot of questions, and we'll be around to answer them all over the course of the next week, but you should really just rest right now, Mr. Dixon.”

All of the medical personnel left the room, and she lay her head on his shoulder and cautiously touched his arm.

“I'm so glad you're OK....I've been losing my mind waiting for you to open your eyes.”

“I'm sorry, honey.”

“Sorry? For what?”

“Sorry I worried you.”

“Don't be ridiculous, I have no choice but to worry about you,” she insisted.

“I can't believe this.”

“Me neither, I'm just happy you're awake. I needed to hear your voice.”

“I only just met you, and here I go trying to die on ya.”

He tried to laugh but his chest hurt, and he groaned under his breath.

“Don't you dare,” she whispered, kissing him softly.

“I'm in useless shape,” he muttered.

“Just rest, Merle. Is there anything I can bring you from your house? I know you'll go mad without books,” she smiled. “Daryl and Carol brought your car over from the party.”

“You're an angel, honey.”

“Just tell me everything you need, and I'll bring it for you.”

“Thank you.”

She leaned down to kiss him again, and he felt better right away, she was more than worth waking up for.

April stayed for a while longer and got a list of items to bring back from his house.

“I'll be back before you know it, babe.”

“I think you should sleep, honey. You're still in the same clothes as last night.”

“I feel like I should be here with you,” she countered.

“I'll be OK, they're monitoring every move I make,” he laughed, motioning to all the machines and wires.

“But-”

“Please, I don't want you going without rest. I promise I'll be OK. Just come back in the morning, honey.”

She squeezed his hand and kissed him again. She was the one at his bedside in such a moment, and it seemed as natural to her as breathing already, he felt blessed but selfish to have her there worrying.

April leaned down and hugged him gently, and he felt her soft skin against his neck.

“I'll be back first thing in the morning,” she pressed.

“You rest, honey, and I'll see you tomorrow. Take my car and go curl up in my bed. Watch one of your girl movies,” he grinned.

“I can't wait till we can do that together again.”

“Me neither,” he smiled.

They finally said goodbye, and he felt lucky to have her.

 

_**#########################** _

 

A nurse helped him an hour later with bathroom assistance, and he felt like a kitten, or a toddler or something equally as unable to help itself. He didn't feel like a man.

A cardiologist arrived not long after with a laundry list of information to give him about his new life as a heart attack survivor.

“So, Mr. Dixon. First of all, your lifestyle will have to change dramatically for you to remain healthy from here on. No more cigars, alcohol, red meat...basically any unhealthy foods. We have a course available at the hospital for all heart attack survivors about dietary and lifestyle changes that can help you moving forward in your new life.”

“My new life, huh?” he frowned.

“Yes, everything will be different now. You're one of the lucky ones who got a second chance. The woman who was here with you, is that your wife?”

“No, she's my girlfriend. Why?”

Merle liked the sound of the word girlfriend now.

“The medication I'm putting you on has a chance of affecting your sexual function. It doesn't happen in all patients, but it's not uncommon either. There are other side effects as well, but all of those will be explained to you by the hospital pharmacy.”

“So...I won't be able to have sex with my girlfriend? You're saying I'll be impotent?” he asked, feeling horrified at the prospect. This was bad, in his mind it was the worst news he could hear.

“Well, to be frank, you won't be able to be intimate with her for up to a month as it is and then we'll see how you're responding to the medication. If you do have ED symptoms, we can always consider adding another medication to help with that.”

“So my future looks like a bunch of drugs and a nonfunctioning dick?” he exclaimed, but his voice didn't sound like his own, it sounded weak and futile.

“You aren't going to be the same man you were before, but you're alive,” the doctor said as if it would make him feel better.

“I'll be the kind of man who can't please his girlfriend. What kind of man is that?”

“This is just the way it has to be,” he shrugged. This doctor had about the worst bedside manner he'd ever encountered.

Merle knew he was being childish, but his sex life was very important to him especially now that he'd found someone he actually cared for. It felt like he was being pulled under and he wondered what he had survived for. He couldn't have a drink, a steak, a cigar and worst of all he couldn't make love to April reliably. Needing drugs just to be able to be with her didn't feel manly at all to him, it felt wrong on every level.

“So what are the odds? Am I going to be useless to her?”

“The odds aren't great, but we'll just have to see. You may find that a more mature woman would be more understanding about this kind of thing,” the doctor said with the slightest hint of a smirk.

“What kind of crack is that?” Merle snapped.

“Nothing, Sir. I've just seen this come between couples where there is a younger woman involved.”

“Are you here to make me better or trying to get me to jump out the window?” Merle asked, incredulously.

“I'm just trying, to be honest with you. I'm just warning you that not everyone can handle a relationship with a heart attack survivor. It requires your partner's life to change a lot as well.”

“You're kinda making me wish I had died.”

“That isn't my intention.”

“Can I just be alone?” Merle sighed.

“Sure, I'll fill the nurses in on the plan and talk to you tomorrow.”

Merle rolled over in bed, adjusting multiple wires and tubes as he did. He was stunned at being spoken to the way he was but mostly about the prognosis.

 

April was 27 years old; her 28th birthday was only a couple weeks away. She was gorgeous, with everything in the world going for her. He'd have to be one hell of a selfish prick to expect her to stay with a 40-year-old who couldn't even have sex with her...he didn't think he could dare do that to her. She had feelings for him, but a life with him couldn't make her happy now. He loved her; there were no two ways about it. For the first time, he loved a woman, but he loved her too much to ruin her life.

A man was supposed to be able to please a woman; he knew enough about human behavior to know how important that was. She was the kind of woman who really appreciated sex too, just like he did. He'd never expect her to live without that, without sex he could be little more than a friend to her and April needed a lover as well. The thought of being in bed with her and unable to get it up made him cringe with humiliation. Even a 30% chance of failure was terrifying and not good enough for her; he wouldn't be able to rely on his own body. Having a younger woman as your partner was OK in his eyes but only if you could keep up; he wouldn't be able to cut it anymore for her.

Merle felt emasculated, weak and terrified of his own mortality. His whole world had come crashing down around him, and one of the things he valued so much about himself seemed to be slipping away. Making April happy in bed made him feel like a worthy man for her and without that he didn't see how she could love him, it would just be pity love, and he couldn't handle that.

The truth couldn't be denied. He spent his whole career teaching this kind of thing. Women wanted a real man, one who could provide what they needed. There was just no market for a man like him; he was out of the evolutionary loop at only 40. Now that he knew he was losing her he couldn't help thinking of all the things that would never be. She wouldn't move in; they'd never get married, and she'd never have a baby with him. He'd never even wanted a wife and child, but now that he knew he couldn't it stung for some reason. Merle lay back, attached to machines and an IV and simultaneously wished she was there to hold him and that he'd never met her in the first place. It felt like letting her go might kill him.

 

The evening began to fall, and he spoke to Daryl briefly on the phone but couldn't even tell him what the doctor said. The thought of telling anyone embarrassed him deeply.

For all his cockiness and bravado he was being taken down a peg by life and just when he needed it the least. It felt like a cruel joke that the first time he loved someone his ability to physically love them was being taken away. He felt like he should be happy to be alive but he couldn't be. Something that made life so beautiful was being taken from him.

'The odds aren't great' What the hell did that mean anyway? It was hardly a percentage he could get his mind around.

By the time his hospital room was dark, he started to see that his only way out was to let her go, but in the end, she'd thank him.

The minutes ticked by and he couldn't sleep until well past midnight. Merle kept replaying it in his mind: touching her, kissing her, laying and looking up at the stars and holding her hand. The way she looked at him, shared his love of anthropology and laughed at his crude humor...she was it, she was the one for him, but he couldn't keep her.

He felt anger inside that he'd let himself fall so hard, he saw it coming from the beginning and just allowed it to take him over. There was nobody else like her; Merle knew that much. She'd make someone else a very happy and very lucky man someday soon.

 

###########################

 

When April came back to the hospital the next day, she looked excited but exhausted. She had sat next to his bed non-stop without proper sleep for a whole night; that's not where any 27 year old should be. He considered just telling her the truth about his condition, but he wanted her to remember him as a man. She would hate him after this, but at least she'd remember him as a man.

“Hey you,” she smiled and sat down next to him.

She took his hand and kissed it. “Do you feel any better?”

“Not really, honey. We really gotta talk about all this.”

“Of course, there's so much we'll need to change, but it's going to be OK.”

This was going to be brutal, and he knew it, there's no way it could end nicely.

“I think maybe...you need to go back to Jacksonville.”

“I don't have to go back until you're stable, I already spoke to Nigel. I told him we were friends now,” she grinned.

“I mean that I think you should just go back to your life there.”

“I can stay, Merle. I want to stay...maybe I could move here a lot sooner,” she said, looking full of hope and it killed him.

“I don't really think that's a good idea anymore.”

He didn't want to have to tell her about what the doctor had told him; he could barely even admit it to himself yet.

“Wait...what's this all about? Everything was OK, yesterday...what changed?”

“Everything. Look at me, April. You don't need this.”

“Don't tell me what I need.”

She wasn't budging, but he couldn't bear to see her waste her time playing nurse to him when she could be with a young, healthy man who had a functioning body.

“Honey...I just don't think it's going to work out between us.”

“You don't mean that,” she insisted.

“I do mean it...I don't need you here playing nurse for me.”

She was starting to look hurt, and he hated it. He hated to have to do it but she was about to enter into a life of constant worry for him, no fun, dietary restriction and worst of all mediocre sex, if any at all, and he couldn't allow it.

“Merle, I'm not going anywhere...I know you can feel it too. This has been a lot to take in, but I know you don't want me to go.”

He'd have to pull out the big guns to get it over with. She would hate him, but then she could move on to better things.

“April...I should have said this sooner instead of letting it go on so long but...this was just sex for me.”

“What?” she answered in almost a whisper.

She shook her head at him in disbelief, and he could see her heart breaking, but it was either then or months from then when she got sick of having a useless man for a boyfriend.

“I don't believe you....you wanted this...”

“You don't really know me, April. I told you I wasn't the boyfriend type.”

“But that was before...”

She stopped cause her voice was trembling and took a breath.

“I'm doing this for you! Can't you see that? Just go back to Jacksonville.”

“I want to be with you, Merle. Why are you doing this to me?”

“Cause I have to, April.”

“What does that even mean?” she uttered.

“It means it's over,” he answered, trying not to crack until she left.

She reached down to pick up her bag and looked at him, her eyes pleading with him to reconsider.

“You're really gonna let me walk out of here?”

He nodded and hoped she'd just call him an asshole and leave it be.

“You were wrong, Merle. Love isn't bullshit. I know it isn't because I love you, and when you're done being stupid you'll realize that you love me too...but I won't be here.”

She waited for a moment, but he said nothing. She shook her head, turned and walked out, and then he realized his heart was completely broken.

He'd never love again but she wouldn't be wasting her life either, and it seemed like a small price to pay. April needed a man who could give her what she needed and not be a burden to her.

 

_**##############################################** _

 

_*** OK....ok...I know. I hope his behavior at least makes some sense even though he's being a moron. Merle sees so much value in sexuality that it has blinded him to all the other things they share. Having a heart attack has hit him hard obviously, making him think of his own mortality, and he's scared. The possible drug side effect of impotence is one of the worst things a man like Merle could hear because so much of who he is and what he thinks he has to offer women is tied into his ability to perform sexually. Merle is also overestimating the odds of the side effect happening, but that's all thanks to a doctor who is bad at communicating (I have met more than one like this, unfortunately). The doctor and Professor Daniels represent a kind of bitterness against Merle for dating a younger woman as well.** _

_**Merle isn't thinking of all the other things he has to offer in a relationship because his work has always focused on the strict biological needs of humans and less on the emotional. He really feels he's doing her a favor, it's BECAUSE he loves her that he's letting her go. People do stupid things when they're in love, especially for the first time:/** _

_**This is not the end of the story by a long shot though so please just trust me:)** _

_**I just love angst:/ I'm sorry to write such a miserable chapter.** _

_**Love you all, Teagan XOXO** _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	21. Lovesong

_**Chapter 21 – Lovesong** _

_**Whenever I'm alone with you** _

_**You make me feel like I am home again** _

_**Whenever I'm alone with you** _

_**You make me feel like I am whole again** _

_**Whenever I'm alone with you** _

_**You make me feel like I am young again** _

_**Whenever I'm alone with you** _

_**You make me feel like I am fun again** _

_**However far away I will always love you** _

_**However long I stay, I will always love you** _

_**Whatever words I say I will always love you** _

_**I will always love you** _

_**~ The Cure** _

_**###########################################** _

The room was gray, and April had no desire to open the curtains. Dave had just stopped by, and she had to hold her sadness in long enough to give him back his photography equipment.

She still had to go to work, talk to people and move forward from one moment to the next but she didn't want to. All she wanted to do was hide until it stopped hurting.

To make everything worse, she lost her cell phone on the flight home and had to spend almost an hour on the home phone debating about insurance coverage before they agreed to send her rightful replacement.

She lay on her bed and looked over at the dark blue dress hanging in her closet, the one she'd worn to Merle's work event. The same one she'd worn all night in the hospital as she cried and prayed. After everything they'd shared, she just couldn't imagine him not feeling anything for her; it had felt so real.

She didn't know how anyone could be so cruel; he'd left her such a mess.

He could have just said all along that it was only a casual thing, he didn't have to lead her on. She didn't want to believe what he said about it just being sex, but she hadn't heard from him so he must have meant it. Her phone was missing, but she still had email, which she checked every hour or so to no avail. She tried her best not to think of him, but it was a fruitless effort.

She could still hear him saying that he wanted her to move there to be with him and that the last few weeks had been the best he ever had, and it killed her inside.

Even though it hurt more to hear it, she played her voice recorder just to twist the knife and listened to their voices from when they spoke in his library.

_**~ I guess I wanted to believe in it...that men and women can live together and be completely fulfilled for life. I think everyone wants to believe someone will love them forever, but I just haven't found it to be realistic. All I see are miserable people who think their partner loves them when they're really just drowning inside and clawing to get free** _

_**\- Oh** _

_**~ In my opinion, marriage is for people who are too afraid to be alone, people who choose to enter into the last legal form of slavery** _

_**\- I think I believe in love...it's just rare** _

_**~ Maybe you're right, who knows?** _

She wanted to hear him say he didn't mean a word of it, that he loved her more than anything and that he wanted her back but all around her was the deafening silence of reality.

_**################################** _

Daryl just shook his head when Merle told him he'd ended it with April, but he didn't have the heart to yell.

"You're making a mistake, brother."

"Would you let Carol hang around the rest of her life if you couldn't even get it up?"

He'd given in and confessed his issues to Daryl, even though it embarrassed him. He had to tell someone and besides Daryl had demanded to know why he'd break up with someone as amazing as April.

"There's more to a relationship than sex, you know?"

"She's 27, Daryl. I'm not doing that to her...just leave it alone."

"You have to tell her at least," Daryl pushed.

"I could hardly even say it to you. It's just over for me," he sighed. "I was really close to having it all, but she needs a real man, I won't tolerate any less for her."

"But-"

"Please...just don't."

Carol wanted to say something as well, but they were both afraid of upsetting him after what he'd been through.

_**##############################** _

Merle sat in his hospital bed, feeling lower than shit and missed April like crazy. He didn't turn on the lights or read, he just stared at the walls wishing he had died.

He dialed her number and hung up, he texted her and then deleted it, and for three days he barely ate a thing.

Then, out of nowhere, Laurie-Anne turned up.

"Oh my god, Mr. Dixon! I was out of town and I only just heard!"

She was beside herself and carrying a huge vase of flowers, balloons, and a gift bag. Merle just didn't have it in him to be a jackass and tell her he really didn't want company.

"Hey, kiddo," he said with a forced smile.

"Are you going to be OK, Sir?" she asked, sitting down beside his bed and staring at him with those innocent eyes.

"Of course," he smiled. "You know me; I'll be fine."

"I just can't believe this," she said, reaching into the gift bag for something. "Everyone in class signed this card for you."

"Thanks," he smiled, taking the card and reading over the platitudes. It wasn't easy to look happy, but he pulled it off, just for her.

"At least you have someone to take care of you," she grinned. "I bet April's fussing like crazy over you, right?"

His face dropped, and he shrugged his shoulders.

"That's over now I'm afraid."

Laurie-Anne frowned and looked puzzled.

"But why? She loves you."

"Did she tell you that?" he asked.

"I can see it...maybe I don't have any experience with adult love, but I know it when I see it."

"It's more complicated than all that sometimes, but I can't really talk about it with you."

"Oh...sorry."

"No, kiddo. It's just not something you'd want to hear about."

"Do you think I'm too much of a kid to hear it? I don't see anyone else waiting in line to listen."

Every once in a while she'd shock him and stand up for her point of view with balls of steel.

"I almost died right in front of her, Laurie-Anne. I need to change my entire life when I get out of here. I can't have a drink or any food I like or smoke a cigar, and I might not even be able to...be intimate with her anymore."

"Why not?"

"It's this medication they're putting me on; they said I might not be able to. I couldn't even say it to her, though, I just ended it."

"Might? You broke up with her over might? Are you insane?"

"Laurie-Anne...I've never heard you talk like this."

"Didn't you see how she looked at you? She doesn't care about any of that?"

"You really think so?"

"I know so."

"But what if she ended up missing out on her life and wasting it with a man who can't give her what she needs? How could I do that to her?" he asked, hoping like hell she had the answer and as it turned out she did.

"She's not a fool, Mr. Dixon. She's smart enough to know what she wants. You can't take from her anything she doesn't want to give you, and it's not fair for you to make that decision for her. She could walk away, but I don't believe she would and don't you want that to be her decision anyway?"

He suddenly felt like the world's biggest moron.

"Fuck!"

"Do you see it now?" she asked, her eyebrows raised high on her forehead.

"I see it. I'm an idiot, aren't I?"

"I'm afraid, in this instance, you are," she smiled and lay her hand on top of his.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"How are you so good at this stuff?" he asked.

"I'm a youth counselor at my church. I talk to a lot of boys who mess things up with their girlfriends."

Laurie-Anne stayed for an hour and gave him the gift bag full of heart healthy snacks, a Bible and a copy of Behavior and Science.

"You're the best friend I have right now besides my brother, Laurie-Anne."

"You believed in me, and I believe in you. I highlighted some passages in the Bible for you."

"I'm really not a believer, though."

"Keep an open mind. What could it hurt, right?"

"OK...thanks."

She leaned down and hugged him tight before leaving and he knew, even more than before, that she'd do amazing things in the world. This kind of wisdom in such a young woman was a formidable thing; she'd be running the world for sure.

He flipped through the pages of the Bible after she left and found the first section she'd marked and read it a few times. He was surprised to find that he really liked the sound of it.

_**Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.** _

_**Philippians 4:8** _

Merle knew then that he had to get his ass out of bed as soon as he was allowed and get busy living or get busy dying.


	22. Here Without You

_ **Chapter 22 - Here without you** _

 

_**A hundred days have made me older** _

_**Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.** _

_**A thousand lies have made me colder** _

_**And I don't think I can look at this the same.** _

_**All the miles that separate** _

_**Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face.** _

_**I'm here without you baby** _

_**But you're still on my lonely mind.** _

_**I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time.** _

_**I'm here without you baby** _

_**But you're still with me in my dreams** _

_**And tonight girl, it's only you and me** _

_**~ 3 Doors Down** _

 

_**#######################################** _

 

 

 

Merle's finals happened without him, and it killed him to need help grading the final essays. He tried April's cell number at least a couple of times a day but the phone wasn't even in service now, and it made him worry. He called her work, and they insisted she was fine, so he assumed she just didn't want to hear from him, and that seemed fair. He knew he'd hurt her when she least needed it. They'd shared so much, and he could see that now.

In only a short time she'd told him all about her mom and dad, and he'd told her all about his childhood, he'd never told anyone that stuff except Marion.

Merle dreamed about April on his first night at home and awoke in the dark, teary eyed and cold in his bed without her.

His house felt huge and barren and yet haunted by the memory of her laughter. Maybe she didn't want him to try and get her back; maybe he'd crossed the line and couldn't go back. Merle really had no idea what to do next, these were completely uncharted waters, and he was still in a physically weakened state.

Being alone made it clear that it was not what he wanted anymore, he wanted her there to talk to, to touch, to laugh with and mostly to love. He didn't know how he'd ever been satisfied with nobody to share life with. He was sad, and nothing could fix it but her, unfortunately, though she wouldn't even pick up and it didn't feel right to email.

Daryl showed up unexpectedly after he'd been home a couple of days and asked when he'd be allowed to fly.

“Why?”

“You need to go and see her when you can.”

“She won't even answer my calls, Daryl. I think she changed her number on me, not that I blame her.”

Daryl pulled out his iPad and sat down across the island from him in the kitchen.

“She sent me the early draft of her article this morning. Read the last part there.”

 

**Professor Merle Dixon is a contradiction wrapped in a riddle but all the same, a brilliant man. Giving and courageous and highly regarded by his peers and students alike, he and his work are both indicative of so much more than meets the eye at first glance.**

**Being able to spend time with him enabled me to see up close the influence he has on his students and the field of anthropology, a life-long passion that has served him well.**

**There is a great deal to be admired about a man so driven that he pulled himself out of a childhood filled with abuse and poverty to become such an influential figure in the science community. The world of anthropology is lucky to have within its ranks a man of such intellectual caliber as Professor Dixon.**

 

 

_***Please, forward this to your brother and if there's anything you or he would like me to change before I send it to the editors just let me know, I'll change anything he wants me to. My cell got lost on my flight back, but you can just email me or call me at my home number (306 352-0034). I'm still waiting for my new cell phone in the mail from the insurance company:/** _

_**Please, send Merle all my love. I really do hope he's feeling better. I think of him all the time; I can't seem to stop. I wanted to call so many times, but I don't think he wants me to. I must admit, this has been very difficult for me. Anyway, it was really lovely to meet you and Carol:)** _

_**Thank you, April xo** _

_**p.s. I still have one of his books with me; I'll put it in the mail tomorrow.** _

 

“Oh, Christ!” Merle winced. “That's why she wasn't picking up?”

“I told you it was a mistake to end it with her,” Daryl insisted.

“I know...but things are still different now.”

“No, they aren't. Do you love her?”

Merle sighed and put his head in his hands.

“Yeah, it's killing me not to see her...it's fucking killing me, Daryl.”

“Check with your doctor, then book a flight, and I'll go with you to make sure you're OK.”

“Really?”

“It's only an hour long flight. What the hell could happen?” Daryl grinned.

“Pfft! Maybe I die on an airplane?”

“Go and pack.”

 

Merle went up the stairs slowly; he had to do everything more slowly now. He found a small bag and packed a few changes of clothes. Chasing after a woman is not something he ever thought he'd do but he wanted her back so badly he knew he'd chase her to the ends of the earth if he needed to. Even if he would never be the man she'd fallen for again, he still had to try. Nobody would love her like he would, despite him being an idiot who messed it up.

Daryl called Carol to let her know it was on. She already knew he was going to try and persuade Merle onto a plane to Jacksonville.

Merle's doctor didn't like the idea but felt better that he had his brother with him and his medication.

“Do not push yourself and go to the ER at the first sign of pain, fatigue, shortness of breath, anything.”

“I will, I promise.”

 

_**#######################** _

 

Two hours later they were catching an evening flight to Jacksonville, and Merle felt butterflies swarming his insides at the prospect of seeing her face again. It already felt like a long time ago that he'd seen her, but it wasn't even two weeks. It had taken him a week just to get out of the hospital, and he'd only been home a couple of days.

“It's her birthday tomorrow,” he uttered, realizing what day it was.

“Hope you can patch things up with her before she celebrates,” Daryl noted.

“Her dad always takes her to this Italian place in Jacksonville called Gino's and makes her drink Shirley Temples like she's a 6-year-old,” he mused with a little smile.

“You guys really talked about everything, hey?”

“Yeah...for hours we'd talk. I still can't believe I ended it. I just don't want her to have to babysit me and settle for less than she deserves.”

“You're not less than anyone else cause you had a heart attack, Merle. You still deserve to be loved.”

“What if I can't have sex with her, though? What then?”

“Then she'll wait until you can.”

“She shouldn't have to.”

“But she will.”

“So what do I do? Show up at her house or work or what?”

“Show up at the birthday dinner,” Daryl suggested.

“Isn't that intruding?”

“Grand romantic gestures should be in public.”

“Oh no! More of this movie stuff...she was going on about this when we watched _Say Anything_.

“That's a good one,” Daryl chuckled.

“Not you too,” Merle groaned. “Carol's got you watching chick flicks?”

“Yep! It's all part of the boyfriend list of duties. I'll fill you in.”

“That's only if I get her back.”

“Have some faith, Merle.”

It was suppertime when they arrived in Jacksonville, and Merle was exhausted, so Daryl took him straight to the hotel for rest.

“I need to go for a little walk after we eat something,” Merle said, laying back on the mattress, looking wrecked.

“You ain't going anywhere without me, and you need to rest tonight but nice try.”

“I have to get her a birthday present. Even if she says she won't have me back, I can't show up on her birthday without a gift.”

“I'll take you in the morning, now just rest and think of something productive to do that doesn't involve leaving this room. I'm going down to get supper, be right back.”

“I feel like a kid,” Merle complained.

“Tough,” Daryl answered.

 

Merle walked slowly to the bathroom and got undressed to take a shower. He looked at his body in the mirror and hoped that he'd be of any use to her if the chance ever came again. How could he have ever told her it was just sex? It was such an ugly thing to say to such a beautiful person when in truth she was the only woman he'd ever made love to.

He'd been taking the meds since the day after the heart attack and so far so good but he was just waiting for the next time he'd try to get it up, and it wouldn't work.

He was too afraid to actually get off, thinking an orgasm might trigger another heart attack, although his doctors said it wouldn't. Still, he kept 'checking' to see if it still worked.

He stepped under the hot water of the shower and closed his eyes then, imagining her with him, touching him and pulling him down to kiss her. There's nothing he wouldn't do to get her back at that point.

Only a few minutes thinking of her had him hard and needy. He was so close to weeping, even as he stood there completely aroused. He was both horny and sad, and nothing would feel right till she was in his arms again. That is if she ever forgave him.

 

He ate supper with Daryl, sitting on a hotel bed, unable to focus on anything but the next evening when he'd go try to get her back.

“What are you getting her for her birthday?” Daryl asked, just to make conversation.

“No idea but it's gotta be good cause I fucked this up big time.”

“She seemed pretty cool to me, if anyone would forgive you, I think she would.”

 

_**########################** _

 

The next morning Merle took his medicine as prescribed, ate porridge and fruit when he really wanted bacon and eggs and went in search of a gift with Daryl. Their search led them to an antique store where he walked up and down the isles looking at the jewelry from years gone-by.

Just when he was about to try a different store, he noticed an amethyst bracelet. It was Victorian, with 11 amethyst stones totaling 5.5 karats and 22 rose cut diamonds set in 9 karat gold.

When the shopkeeper walked over, he nodded his head and pointed to it.

“That one.”

“Very well, Sir. That will be $2,500.”

Daryl looked at him, stunned for a moment, and noted that it was a lot of money for a woman who might tell him to hit the road.

“I don't give a shit. It's her birthday, and I love her. She can tell me to get lost if she wants to and I still won't be sorry. This is the only chance I'm gonna get.”

Daryl just smiled and nodded, having a heart attack probably changed the meaning and significance of money.

They left the store with her gift in a red box with a black ribbon, thankfully the shopkeeper took pity and helped him with the wrapping after he had explained it was a birthday/apology gift for a woman he loved.

“Best wishes with that, Sir.”

“Thanks.”

Merle found himself with a few hours to kill in the afternoon and tried to think of a way to up the ante. April couldn't resist a good chick flick, and maybe he could do something a little over the top to show her how he really felt.

He started to scribble some words on a piece of hotel paper as Daryl yapped on the phone to Carol.

Nothing was more important than getting across to her how much he loved her and that he'd never let her down again. Maybe poetry was the trick cause he sure couldn't sing.

 

 

 

 

 


	23. Straight Into Your Arms

_**The poem in this chapter was written by the lovely and extremely talented Krissyg49. She was gracious enough to lend her talents to the story "Teach Me To Sin' as well if you are a Krissy fan like me:) I think she did a great job as always and thank you so much, babe, for sharing your work for this story:) I love you SO much! XOXOX Teagan** _

_**Chapter 23 – Straight into Your Arms** _

_**You keep me on track** _

_**I can't sleep** _

_**'til you come back home to me** _

_**Into my arms, baby** _

_**So let's make the best of what we have** _

_**Time is precious; it won't last** _

_**I see you, and I get back** _

_**Ooh, I've been gone since yesterday** _

_**And I fell straight, straight into your arms** _

_**Oh, but it only takes one day** _

_**And I run straight, straight into your arms** _

_**Straight into your arms** _

_**And I've been waiting; I'm waiting** _

_**My heart is calling, it's calling...** _

_**~ Vance Joy** _

_**########################** _

Daryl insisted on going with him to the restaurant, Merle felt like an invalid, but he understood it.

"I'll stay out here in the car, and you go ahead and work your magic."

"You sure about this? I don't wanna ruin her birthday."

"Yes. Go."

Daryl lay back in the rental car and called Carol to talk while Merle got out and paused to question it again.

"But-"

"Merle, you deserve her as much as anyone. You're not too old, and she won't give a shit if your dick don't work like it used to. Just go and tell her you're sorry."

Merle shut the door and walked at his new slower pace right up to the window to see if she was even there. He looked all over until his eyes settled on her dark hair and her beautiful face and he felt it, that spark he knew he wouldn't find anywhere else.

She was sat with a man he prayed was her father and not a new man.

He touched the box in his pocket and took a deep breath as he walked around to the door.

"Table for one, Sir?"

"Uh...no, I'm with them," he said, hoping the host would just leave him alone.

"Great! I'll grab you a menu."

"Hey, buddy. I'm just needing to speak with her alone for a moment, OK. I don't need a menu."

"Oh...alright, Sir."

"Thanks."

He stood, looking at her for another few seconds, trying to think of the right words and hoping he wasn't about to make her angry. He started toward her table and then she looked up.

He could tell right away that she was stunned but didn't know if it was good stunned or bad stunned.

"April, I'm sorry to bother you on your birthday."

The man she was sitting with looked up and smiled.

"Uh...this is my dad, Anthony. Dad, this is Merle Dixon."

"Oh...right," her father replied. Apparently, he'd been brought up in conversation.

"Can I just speak with you for a moment, please?"

"Sure. Excuse me for a moment, Dad."

"Of course."

Merle walked out of the restaurant, and she followed behind him.

"April, I made a huge mistake," he spit out as soon as the door closed.

"You completely broke my heart, Merle!"

"I'm so sorry. I know I messed up."

"What happened? I came back, and out of nowhere, you ended it? That killed me! I thought you wanted me. What the hell changed?"

She was visibly shaking and upset with him but also trying to keep her voice down.

"I do want you, that never changed. The doctor told me something that screwed with my head, and I was too ashamed to just talk to you about it...so instead I pushed you away like an idiot. I was just so scared."

"What did he say?"

"He said my life had to be totally different, that I'd be a different man. He said that I'd have to take everything easy, eat like a rabbit and take a bunch of pills. He said he was putting me on a medication that could make me...impotent."

"So?"

"So, I'm no use to you that way. You deserve a man who can have fun and make love to you without drugs...I just want you to have everything you deserve, April."

"I would never care about anything like that. I almost lost you, and then you threw it all away without even telling me why...you really hurt me."

"I know I did, and I'm very sorry...I'll always be sorry for that. I just didn't even understand what love was until I screwed it all up."

"So why did you come?" she asked.

"I had to tell you I'm sorry and..." He looked around and felt like he was drowning, his heart was beating so fast he hoped it wouldn't give out on him. "I need you, April. I love you so much, and I wish so bad I could go back and talk some sense to myself, but I know that I can't."

"Merle-"

"I wrote something for you too...it might not be that good, but you said you'd like that, remember? If I ever had to try to get you back?"

Merle pulled the piece of hotel paper from his pocket, but he couldn't read her expression at all, her eyes confused him.

"I'm sorry, this is your birthday...I'm keeping you from your dinner, aren't I?"

He went to put it back in his pocket, feeling absolutely lost.

"No, please. I want to hear it," she said softly.

"Yeah? OK, go easy on me cause I never did this before." He cleared his throat and tried to be brave.

_**~You came into my life so unexpectedly,** _

_**surprising me with your charm and beauty.** _

_**Capturing my heart when I wasn't looking,** _

_**making me want new things,** _

_**making me feel things, so unknown to me.** _

_**Giving me what I never knew I needed in this lonely life of mine.** _

_**Even though I didn't think a girl like you could love a man like me, you did.** _

_**I was a fool to let a once in a lifetime woman go** _

"It's beautiful," she said, looking up into his eyes with something that looked like love but she still didn't say she'd take him back, and he wanted to hear that so badly.

"Those few weeks were the best I ever had...I'm so sorry I went and ruined it. It was never just sex with you, honey, I'm so sorry I said that. I only ever made love to you in my whole life."

Merle felt a tear fall down his face then and wiped it away quick before she'd think he was a pansy. He'd started tearing up recently for the first time since childhood. Being without her had broken something inside of him, and only she could fix it.

She noticed the tear, though, and before he could stop himself more were falling. He just wished she'd say yes, he was falling apart right in front of her.

"Jesus, I'm sorry, April."

"Don't be sorry for feeling things. I understand now what you were thinking, and I get it, but I wasn't with you just for sex. We aren't just apes anymore, Merle. The whole point in evolution was to become more than just animals driven by our baser needs. We have love now, and that's worth more than just sex, you do know that right?"

"That's really intelligent...you're using anthropology against me now."

"Get used to it," she smiled. "Merle, I love you, and I don't care about any of this. We can work through it together."

"So you'll give me another chance?"

"Yes, that poem was the most beautiful thing I ever heard!"

She pulled him down to kiss her, and he knew that he'd been wrong for years, and that love was real. He could feel his heart healing just from her touch. They kissed for what felt like a long time in the glow of the streetlight until he finally pulled back, eager to give her the gift.

"Here," he said, handing the box to her.

"Merle, you didn't have to do this."

She opened the box and just stared at it.

"You said you liked Amethyst that time so I thought you'd like this."

"I love it," she smiled.

April wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her face on his chest; she had missed him so badly.

"Don't you dare pull something like this again," she said softly.

"I won't mess this up, April. You can trust me on that."

Just then her father walked out and over to them.

"I see you worked it out," he smiled. "I'm going to take my tiramisu home with me, honey."

"No, Dad, I'm sorry. You don't have to do that."

"Nope. Love comes first, hang on to that."

He held his hand out to Merle then and shook it.

"I'm Anthony, nice to meet you."

"Merle Dixon, I'm sorry it couldn't have been under better circumstances."

"This is life, Merle, it's messy, and we all make mistakes," he shrugged with a knowing smile.

He turned to April and hugged her before leaving. "Goodnight, sweetheart. Happy birthday."

"Do you want to come in while I finish?" she asked.

"Yeah, I gotta go tell my chaperon first, though." he said, pointing over to the car where Daryl waved back.

"Ask him if he wants to come in?"

"OK... and April?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy Birthday."

She smiled and walked back inside.

Merle asked Daryl if he wanted to come in, but he said it was a third wheel type situation so he said he'd just take a cab back to the hotel and leave the rental car for Merle.

"Thanks for coming with me, brother."

"Of course, it's what I'm here for. Go get her," Daryl nodded, taking out his phone to call a cab.

He walked back inside and toward the table, and she smiled. Part of her was still hurt and maybe even angry. The time since they'd split had been filled with endless crying and misery, but she wanted to find a way to let it go. She realized that almost dying probably shook some of his thinking loose and that he just needed time to figure it all out.

He sat down across from her, and she took the bracelet from the box and put it on.

"This is the most beautiful thing, Merle. Thank you."

He took her hands across the table and looked right into her eyes, taking a deep breath before he spoke but was interrupted by the server.

"Can I get you a drink, Sir?"

"Sweet tea."

"Very good, Sir."

Merle rolled his eyes and looked back at her.

"Remember what you said about life being short and doing what you wanted to while you can?"

"Yes."

She didn't know where he was headed but touching his hands again felt so good and so right.

"I was hoping that maybe you'd still consider moving to Atlanta when you're ready."

She loved that he was saying this, they did belong together, but she was still a little afraid that he was unsettled in his mind.

"Are you sure about this? You don't have to decide this right now just to keep me."

"I'm positive. Nothing feels right without you; my house is so empty now...there's no life in it without you. I want you with me every night and every day."

She smiled at him and tried to contain her emotions; she had almost resigned herself to never seeing him again.

"I want that too," she said softly.

"I know now you wouldn't have left me if I wasn't the same anymore...I wasn't thinking straight."

"You need to talk to me when big things come up and have some faith in what we have."

"I've never done this before. I just didn't know if you'd feel the same. Making love to you was always so perfect; I thought you wouldn't want me without it."

"Well, I would. You and I have something special; you made me feel butterflies inside when I was starting to think I'd never feel that again."

The waiter came back and brought his tea, but he didn't take his eyes away from hers.

"So will you come?" he persisted.

"Yes."

She watched as his face lit up and he leaned in to kiss her long and slow across the table. Nothing felt as equally familiar and yet passionate and new as his kiss.

"Can I take you home with me?" she asked when he finally backed up.

"Only if you're gentle with me. I'm still sexually grounded by my cardiologist."

"I just need to hold you," she said, taking his hand in hers.

"Me too, honey...me too."


	24. Can't Take My Eyes Off You

_**Chapter 24 – Can't take my eyes off you** _

_**I know that the bridges that I've burned** _

_**Along the way** _

_**Have left me with these walls and these scars** _

_**That won't go away** _

_**And opening up has always been the hardest thing** _

_**Until you came** _

_**So lay here beside me just hold me and don't let go** _

_**This feelin' I'm feelin' is somethin' I've never known** _

_**And I just can't take my eyes off you** _

_**And I just can't take my eyes off you** _

_**~ Lady Antebellum** _

_**##############** _

Merle got in the car next to her after spending some more time clearing the air in Gino's.

The time they'd spent apart had been hard for her, and he really got the gravity of it after listening to her talk. She hadn't wanted to call him because she thought he was really done and she didn't want to stress him out in his condition. On the other hand, he thought she'd changed her number just to avoid hearing from him. He thought now that he should have emailed or countless other things, but it was what it was.

"I don't have any excuse for what I did to you, not a good one anyway," he sighed. "I'm sorry, honey."

"Life's too short to carry around feelings like this. I forgive you, and I get it. A heart attack is a huge life altering event; you can't really be blamed for slipping off the deep end a little, but you're here, and I'm here, so we made it, right?"

He looked over at her and reached out to touch her knee.

"You're incredible."

She gave him directions to her apartment and soon she was opening the door and leading him into her tiny abode.

"It's cute," he said, with a grin.

"Shut up," she laughed.

It was less than 600 square feet of crowded nothingness, but it did feel like home to her.

"I need a shower before I turn in...you wanna join me?" she asked.

"I don't think I could keep my hands off of you if I did."

"I probably couldn't control myself either," she shrugged with a pout. "I'll meet you in bed then?"

"Deal."

She walked down the shortest hallway he'd ever seen and began to take off her clothes, and he called Daryl to say he wouldn't be back at the hotel till morning.

"I didn't figure you would be," Daryl laughed.

"Don't let her throw you around the bedroom too much. Remember what the doctor said."

"Yes, mom."

"Hey, just looking out for you."

"I know, man, thanks. I'll behave."

He hung up the phone, and before he could tell himself no, he was walking toward the bathroom door. The steam was escaping from the crack beneath it, and he was being drawn to her. He opened it silently and listened to the sound of water hitting the floor of the bathtub and April humming.

He walked to the curtain; he just had to look at her.

"Jesus! You scared the life out of me!" she laughed, flicking water at him with her fingers.

"I had to see you again," he said, leaning his head against the bathroom wall.

"Come in here with me," she begged.

"I can't say no to you; you know that."

In no time flat, he was disobeying all the orders and holding her under the hot water. He just stood behind her and kissed her neck slowly, still in disbelief that he had her back.

"I can't wait to be with you all the time," she moaned, and he could feel himself getting hard from the feeling of her bare, wet skin against his dick and her moaning.

"Me too, honey."

"Something tells me those pills aren't affecting your...uh...manhood."

"The doctor made it sound like it was more of a sure thing...or maybe I was just overreacting. He mentioned a useless dick and my mind went blank."

"It doesn't matter what happened, let's just leave it all in the past."

"Good idea," he agreed, pulling her closer and letting his hands roam a little more.

"Aren't you risking your health right now?"

"He said not to have sex, but he didn't say I couldn't get you off."

"That's not fair to you, though."

"Come on, after almost two weeks of crying don't you think I kinda owe you?"

"Maybe but I don't want you hurting yourself."

"I feel fine...don't worry," he insisted, moving his hands down her body to her hips.

Very soon he had her holding onto the wall for stability as he held her breast in one hand and was teasing her out of her mind with the other between her legs.

"Oh Christ, Merle!" she hissed. "I'm right there."

His dick was painfully hard, and he'd even take a bad case of blue balls to make her happy right then, he couldn't care less. He had the woman he wanted, and his dick was still working; the world was a beautiful place.

"I love you..." he whispered into her neck, as her hands braced her against the wall.

He decided he needed to finish it before he passed out from all the steam, so he sat on the edge of the tub and pulled her to his mouth. She raised her right leg, and he began to trace deadly circles around her clit. She broke in no time, and it was the same whining, groaning, and fingers through his hair. Nobody came like her; she didn't care who heard it.

She leaned against the wall for a moment and looked down at him with a grin.

"You OK?"

"I'm better than OK," he answered.

April turned off the water, and they crawled into her double bed to hold each other and get some much-needed rest.

"I'm never gonna let you go again," he said as she squirmed her way into his arms.

"So I take it you've changed your mind about men who want monogamy being afraid to be alone and wanting to be slaves?" she teased.

"Nope, I am afraid to be without you, and I do want to be your slave," he admitted freely.

"Well, I promise to be a very kind master then."

April pressed her ear to his chest to listen to his heart beating and held him tight to her. She had been so scared for him, even while she'd been hurt and angry. The whole thing had been exhausting.

"I'm not letting you let me go," she answered.

"I'll never try to."

**_##############_ **

The next morning April dreaded the conversation she'd have to have with Nigel. She was one of his favorites, and she knew it. She hadn't been there long, and it felt funny to be pulling up stakes and also to be leaving her father but she needed to follow her heart, and it was with Merle that she needed to be.

All of this was running through her thoughts when Merle finally opened his eyes and looked at her.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Just how I'm going to tell my boss I'm leaving."

"Is it unfair to ask you to uproot your life? I could sell my house and move here if you want."

"You can't sell that beautiful home and leave the university. I wouldn't have that, but thanks for offering. It'll be fine," she smiled, rolling over to kiss him good morning. "Can you stay a couple more days?"

"Definitely. I'm just gonna send Daryl home to Carol on a plane today while you deal with your work stuff and then I'm all yours."

"Perfect."

Merle leaned his head on her chest and breathed deep, feeling happy for the first time since the heart attack.

"Thank you for forgiving me," he whispered.

"I want to be with you a lot more than I wanted to stay mad."

_**##########** _

April couldn't wait; she had to know how Nigel would take it as soon as she got to work. He'd been singing her praises on her Professor Dixon article, and she hadn't mentioned that they were in a relationship at all, only that they'd become friends. It was going to be a hard thing to admit, and she hoped he wouldn't be disappointed in her choices, she respected Nigel a great deal.

She walked to his office door and knocked, almost hoping he wouldn't answer.

"Come in!"

"Do you have a minute? I have something really important to talk to you about."

"Of course, come in."

Nigel pointed to the chair across from his desk and looked instantly concerned.

"This isn't easy to admit to you because you've been so supportive and you've put a lot of faith in me, giving me this important article to work on and-"

"Oh God, you're freaking me out! What is it? Just spit it out!"

Nigel had a flare for the dramatic at times and perhaps fast would be easier.

"I fell in love with Merle Dixon while writing this article and he wants me to move to Atlanta to live with him...sorry."

Nigel sat down across from her at his desk, dumbfounded.

"Wow, that is a mouthful...and I take it you're going?"

"I love him, Nigel. I have to."

"I can't lose you, April. I refuse."

"I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll agree to telecommute and then neither of us will have a problem."

"Are you serious?"

"You aren't going for a new job there yet, are you?"

"No. If I could continue working for Behavior and Science, it would be an absolute dream."

"Honey, you go ahead and be with this silver fox, but you had better come back and see us for meetings and at least once or twice a year for cocktails."

"I promise. Thank you."

"This is a bonus of being a writer, April. You can write for us from Atlanta, we do have the internet," he laughed.

"I was so scared to tell you."

"What's life without a little forbidden fruit? The article was excellent and completely professional, no worries."

**_#########_ **

Merle drove Daryl to the airport and said he'd be back in a few days after he had a chance to spend more time with April.

"She's a good one, Merle. Hold onto her this time."

"I know. I still can't believe she's agreeing to move; I hope her boss is taking it well.

"It's gonna be fun to have another couple around to hang out with."

"I'm starting late in life, but maybe we could still get married and have a family or something."

"You want kids?" Daryl asked, heading to his gate.

"I never really thought about it before April, but she's making me want things I didn't before. I better ask her if she wants that too someday," he laughed.

"You'll work it all out...I'm proud of you."

"Awww shucks, dad," Merle joked at being praised by his younger brother.

"I mean it! The Merle I knew a few months ago would never go after a woman to admit he was wrong and put himself out there like you did, that took guts. April changed you for the better."

"Thanks, Daryl," he said more seriously.

"You be careful, and I'll see you back home in a few days."

"Yeah, see ya and thanks again."

Merle drove back to April's little apartment to await her news about work. When she did get back, she blurted out the good news in a long rambling sentence.

"That's insane! So you can work from home?"

"Yep! He insisted I stay on with the magazine. It's all coming together!"

"Guess I'll be busy when I get back."

"Why?"

"I need to get some people in to build you a proper office in one of the spare rooms."

"You don't have to do that. I can just work on the island or in the library."

"Nope, you need a proper place to work, and I have the space."

She walked over and snuggled up to him.

"We're going to be so happy, Merle. There's nothing we can't do now."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head, drowning in the scent of her hair.

"I'm gonna take care of you now, honey, and always."


	25. Light Me Up

_ **Chapter 25 – Light Me Up** _

 

**I'm finding my heart  
Using my hands  
You're my feet on the ground  
My footprints  
  
From where I began  
I still carry your love  
I feel your love  
  
Untie this cord,  
We don't need it no more  
Wherever we are  
I'm yours always  
  
It flows in my blood  
I still carry your love  
I feel your love...**

 

**You light me up  
When all I see is darkness  
You light me up  
When I'm down  
And if I fall apart  
You know where to find my pieces  
When they can't be found**

_**~ Birdy** _

 

_ **~ 3 weeks later** _

 

April spent the next three weeks on the phone with Merle, packing up her apartment, and spending extra time with her father while she could. It was scary to start over in a new city, but she was excited.

 

She could hear her mother's words in her head telling her to run with the chance to be truly happy, and it made her feel brave.

Merle paid for all her possessions to be sent to his house in a moving van and she boarded a plane to be with him.

He had decided to take a year off of teaching to regain his strength and had spoken to the university about just continuing his lab work in the meantime. He needed to get his book published and having a year off would help him focus on that important task besides he had other things on his mind as well, things he needed to discuss with April.

 

Merle had been to see the cardiologist and was given an ECG and a battery of other tests. He already started on the classes at the hospital to get healthier. There was so much in life that he still wanted to do. He took his blood pressure at home every day and was reading books about cardiovascular disease. The plan was to stay alive and well to be with April as long as he could. A heart attack had taken his father out young, but he wasn't going down without a fight.

Driving to the airport to go pick her up was the best, and he waited for her at the gate where he'd met her for the very first time.

The smile on her face as she walked into his arms was priceless, and he couldn't wait to get her back home. He'd been given the go ahead for sex, and he'd been waiting so long to be with her again.

“Your stuff should be here by tonight,” he said, burying his face in her hair.

“Are we crazy?” she asked in an excited voice.

“I don't even care; I gotta be with you.”

She only had a carry-on bag, but he still took it for her and opened the door for her on the way to the car.

When they pulled up outside his home, she couldn't wait to get inside just to be alone with him. He'd been asking her little questions for the last three weeks about colors she liked, materials and furniture. He insisted on making her office specific to her liking no matter how much she tried telling him it wasn't necessary.

He walked her up the stairs and covered her eyes from behind as he led her in.

“I sure hope you like it like this,” he winced.

When he uncovered her eyes, she found that he'd had the walls painted blue, put in a huge bookcase and a desk. The room had a large window and was flooded with natural light.

“Merle...this is taking up a whole room in your house. Are you sure?”

“It's your house now, and there's still two other rooms for guests or...whatever.”

She turned and smiled at him.

“Gimme a hug; it's perfect. Thank you.”

 

_**##########################** _

 

Merle made supper, and they waited for the moving men to deliver her things. She didn't have too much; she had decluttered before packing.

“Is salad good enough?” he asked.

“Of course, you'll have to start letting me cook too sometimes.”

“I suppose. I have to be really careful what I eat now, so I'm behaving myself and eating like a rabbit. Now that I have you back there's a lot I want to do with my life.”

April was so excited to hear him talking like this; she wanted to know what his plans were.

“What do you want to do? I might be on the same page,” she winked, nudging his arm.

“Promise it won't scare you off?”

“Promise.”

“Cause I don't mean tomorrow or anything like that but...I've been thinking a lot about...marrying you and maybe even having some kids. If you don't want these things, then that's fine too, as long as we can be together I-”

“You want children?”

She found it very surprising coming from him.

“To be really honest, I've been thinking a lot about myself, and I think I kinda always wanted kids and a wife somewhere deep down inside. I lied to myself a lot that I didn't, just because I thought it would never happen for me. But I'd like to be a husband and father someday.”

“I want you all to myself for a couple of weeks first,” she laughed, “but I think all of that sounds really good.”

“Yeah?”

“Life's too short to wait around when you want something, and I love you...so let's do it.”

 

Merle was glad he hadn't scared her off and suddenly, just looking at her beautiful face, he got the best idea. He'd need to take some time to plan it out, but the way he saw it, taking her to Tuscany to get married would be right up her alley. It's one of the things her mother wanted for her that he could actually deliver on.

 

They ate supper together and then the delivery men brought all her belongings.

“This is real, isn't it?” she grinned.

“It's real. I'm still pinching myself too. What do you want to do now?” he asked.

“I want you to take me to bed.”

He had a new cardiologist who scoffed at the behavior of the first one he'd spoken to. Fortunately, Merle hadn't had any ED symptoms, but it still crossed his mind now after all this time that something might go wrong. The difference was that now he knew if something happened like that she'd wait, and she wouldn't judge him.

Merle took her hand and walked her up to the room that was now hers as much as his.

“We can unpack tomorrow,” he grinned. “Right now I just want you all over me.”

She walked into his arms, and he bent down to kiss her lips, she still tasted so sweet to him.

Her hands reached around to grab his ass, and he found it cute, her enthusiasm was infectious.

“It's been far too long since I had you deep inside me, baby,” she whined, and he could feel his body reacting already.

“We'll have to remedy that then, won't we?” he grinned, lifting her up into his arms.

She squeaked as he pinned her to the nearest wall and wrapped her legs around his waist.

Merle thrust himself against her and went straight for her throat; he felt an aggressive need to reclaim her. It was neanderthal and primitive, but he didn't care, and she appeared to love it. He held her up with one arm and the pressure of his body and ripped at her top to get it open.

He could feel her shudder against him as he pulled her breast from her bra and took it with his mouth.

“Fuck me, Merle...I need you...”

He set her down long enough to get her pants down and get his clothes off as well, but he had to taste her first.

“Please, baby...” she whined, impatiently.

“Just a minute, I gotta do this first.”

Merle couldn't get enough of the taste of her. He pulled her leg up onto his shoulder and teased her like crazy, nudging her lips apart and just faintly using the tip of his tongue directly on her clit.

She didn't speak, but she pulled his mouth closer and opened her leg wider. The moaning and whining was just like always, loud and with absolute abandon.

He lapped at her until she pushed his head back and demanded that he fuck her.

He looked down just to reassure himself, but he was hard as granite and ready to give it to her. He wanted to kill the doctor who'd freaked him out so much, but it would have to wait.

Merle stood and snatched her up and fucked her into the wall hard.

“Oh fuck, baby! Yessss....”

He loved the sound of it, she loved sex and so did he. He thrust harder and harder, dropping his head to suck one of her nipples.

Soon he was ready to lay her down, so he walked her to the bed and never slid out once.

“April...”

“What?”

“Marry me in Tuscany.”

She paused and looked up at his face; he'd caught her off guard.

“Too fast?” he asked.

“No, I will....yes!”

He let out a sigh of relief and continued to drill her into the bed as she cried out his name. Merle was lost in this one woman, so lost he never wanted to be found again.

 

 

 


	26. I'd Come For You

_**Naked Apes 26 – I'd Come For You** _

_**I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing** _

_**My mind was closing, now I'm believing** _

_**I finally know just what it means to let someone in** _

_**To see the side of me that no one does or ever will** _

_**So if you're ever lost and find yourself all alone** _

_**I'd search forever just to bring you home,** _

_**Here and now this I vow.** _

_**By now you'd know that I'd come for you** _

_**No one but you, yes I'd come for you** _

_**But only if you told me to** _

_**And I'd fight for you** _

_**I'd lie, it's true** _

_**Give my life for you** _

_**You know I'd always come for you** _

_**You know I'd always come for you** _

_**~ Nickleback (yes, Nickleback...leave me alone. LOL)** _

_**#######################** _

Merle loved life; it wasn't his life anymore, though, it was theirs, and that made all the difference.

A month and a half passed and he spent all his time devoted to her happiness, and she responded in kind. She'd gone back to running, but she went on long walks with him for his heart a lot more often. There were no cigars, no scotch, and no steak but he didn't miss any of it. She gave up drinking to support him, and he was grateful to her for that, it made things a lot easier for him.

He still believed scientifically in the truth of evolution and anthropology but why he did what he did was more complicated in his new life. Now he did what he did for her and for them, he was not a slave to biology.

April was writing from home, and they went out in the evenings and danced. She made him want to dance all the time now. He didn't have to be cool and clever with her; he just had to be himself cause she demanded it and he loved that about her. April still laughed at all his dirty jokes and lines like she'd never heard them before, they were like two peas in a pod.

When he finally found the perfect ring, he decided to make it official. He wanted her to be his wife sooner rather than later. She had already said yes to marrying him, but it didn't feel right to him to not propose properly. April had been busy up till then with a new article, and they hadn't had time to get married, but now she had a couple of weeks free, so he was jumping at the shot.

Merle paced the floor, trying to compose himself as well as the right words but he knew it wouldn't really matter to her; she loved him, and he knew it. That knowledge was the best thing in the world, better than any groundbreaking study or book or discovery. Knowing she wanted him as much as he wanted her was the pinnacle.

April would be home any minute, and he couldn't wait to see her. He had booked the plane tickets and the hotel, and she had no idea. She was still on board to try for a baby and had gotten her IUD removed only a week after moving in. Merle hoped that soon his big house would have the screaming of an infant in it. He never let himself want this traditional life before, but he openly pursued it now because of her.

"Babe! I'm home!"

He heard her holler from the front door, and his heart skipped a beat; she did that to him all the time.

"In here!" he called back.

He waited for her to come in, she'd just been at the store on an everyday errand, and he'd been waiting an hour for her to return.

"Hey," she said, walking into the library. "What's this?"

He was looking conspicuous, and he knew it, holding a box and grinning like an idiot.

"April, come sit for a second."

He led her to his chair and then dropped to one knee.

"Oh my god..." she uttered.

"I wanna ask you this properly cause you deserve that," he grinned. "I thought I was so smart, but I didn't know what love was really all about until you showed me and now I want it all with you, and I know I'll love you forever. Will you marry me in Tuscany...in three days?"

He handed her the box with a simple but gorgeous antique ring. She said she loved antique jewelry after he'd given her the amethyst bracelet, so he'd been looking for just the right ring for ages.

"I'd marry you anywhere, Merle."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her softly. Tomorrow wasn't a promise or guarantee, but right now he would love her as much as he could for as long as he could.

April tried to imagine being with him in such a beautiful place, a place her mother had wanted her to see, and she felt so blessed. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, and she was positive.

He had changed so much since they met but she had too. She had arrived in Atlanta with very little faith in love and truly happy relationships; now she knew differently.

"I love you, honey," he whispered into her neck.

"You're gonna be all mine for life now, babe," she squealed.

He loved her enthusiasm; that spark she had for life and for him was contagious.

"I'm so glad I have this whole year off from teaching just to be with you."

"It's heaven, isn't it? Sleeping in, making love and all the reading time? Heaven!" she laughed.

"I know I could spend my whole life like this and die a happy man."

"Don't you even talk about dying, thank you very much," she insisted.

"Got it, sorry," he chuckled.

That night they lay in bed, looking on his iPad to check out the hotel reservation and plan things they wanted to do and see while they were there and April had a thought that wouldn't stop.

"Merle?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it would be morbid to take my mother's ashes to Italy?"

"No...you want to spread them there or something?"

"Yes. She always wanted to go, and the other half of her ashes are with my father...it just seems right, doesn't it?"

"It's a very good idea, and it's not morbid. Any idea where you want to spread them?"

"Not yet, maybe I'll read over her journal again to get an idea."

Merle tightened his hold on her and kissed her forehead; he hoped this trip would help her let go of the past for good and feel some closure.

"This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me, Merle. Thank you."

"I'm your man, honey, this is my job," he insisted.

_**#########################** _

"How long are you two going to be gone?" Carol asked Merle when he came over to borrow her pocket translator.

"Two weeks."

"That's so exciting and so romantic. I never saw you getting married before, but eloping seems just like you," she laughed.

"She said she doesn't care about a big wedding, and we're going to see her dad for a little while when we get back."

"You two make such a cute couple, Merle. So when are you having babies?" she teased.

"Any time now, I hope."

"Really? You're trying already?"

"Yep. We've been trying for a while now. We don't wanna wait; we're just going for it. I ain't getting any younger."

"You're gonna beat Daryl and me," she laughed.

"What are you two waiting on anyway? Did you not want to have a family."

"We both want to, but I've just been waiting for him to bring it up."

"Maybe he's waiting on you too," Merle suggested.

"Maybe."

"Well, thanks for this," he said, holding up the translator.

"No problem, come here," she said, pulling him close.

"Congratulations, Merle. I hope you are so happy together and be careful over there, OK?"

"We will be, love ya."

"Love you."

_**########################** _

The morning of the flight, April was sat in her office proofing a chapter of Merle's book for him and drinking her coffee.

"Honey, we gotta go."

"Yep...just a sec...I'm..."

She was still reading and just about to turn off her computer. His book was engrossing, and she couldn't seem to stop reading it, she knew it was going to be a huge bestseller.

"Move it, woman! We gotta go," he grumbled.

April grabbed her bag and grinned at him.

"Alright, let's go."

They made it to the airport, and she found herself feeling nervous with a twisted up stomach.

"I need some of those ginger tablets," she sighed. "I'll be right back; I'll run to the store in the airport here."

"You sit, I'll get it," he smiled.

The flight was long, and she didn't have much of an appetite all the way there.

All together it was 11 hours and 50 minutes on two different planes; from Atlanta to Paris, then Paris to Florence.

April was totally wrecked by the time they arrived, and he took her straight to the hotel where he'd booked them the best room she'd ever seen.

There was a balcony, and a huge whirlpool tub and a king sized bed. The old world decor gave it the feel as if they were stepping back in time a hundred years but with the blessing of modern amenities.

"Oh my god, Merle! This is so beautiful!"

"I never thought I'd be getting married, so I'm gonna do it up right, damn it!" he laughed, pulling her onto the bed.

April felt so sure of everything; there was no reservation in her heart.

He pushed her dark hair off her face and looked into her eyes like she was everything in the whole world to him.

"It's all set up at city hall for tomorrow, you ready to sign your life away?" he asked.

"I can't wait to be your wife, Merle."

"Are you taking my name or are you staying a Sumner?" he asked, curious of whether she'd side with her mom on that issue.

"I'm taking your name, I like the tradition actually and then, maybe someday soon, we'll have a house full of Dixon babies too," she laughed.

"That's gonna be wild, hey?" he sighed, looking up at the ceiling and dreaming of April being pregnant.

"We have it all, Merle. It's going to be perfect."

They turned in early, both deciding to leave sex for the next night after they tied the knot. The flight was so long, and they needed food and then sleep, lots of sleep.

The next day Merle would be doing something he swore he'd never do, and he couldn't be happier.

_**####################** _

_Last chapter tomorrow:) Thank you for reading and reviewing. I have a long, dramatic Caryl/Mandrea coming up in the next two weeks called 'Estranged' but in the meantime, it's going to be a shorter (4-5 chapter) Merle story where he's a doctor;) *a gynecologist if you can believe that. LOL_

_If anyone has any prompts for a Caryl Oneshot or a Merle Oneshot, I'm totally open to that while I polish up and complete 'Estranged.'_

_Love ya, Teagan XOXO_


	27. The Dreamer's Dream

_**Chapter 27 – Dreamer's Dream** _

_**If I was a sailor man** _

_**If I was lost at sea** _

_**I'd see your light shine there** _

_**Off the rocks, off the sand** _

_**That light would be all that I'd see** _

_**And if I was the king of the world** _

_**With all the world to set free** _

_**You'd be the one there to force my hand** _

_**To make a stand** _

_**To give me that sweet release** _

_**Those are the dreams that a** _

_**Dreamer dreams** _

_**Those are the dreams** _

_**That he dreams** _

_**Fill you up so high** _

_**So high you wouldn't come down** _

_**Those are the dreamer's dreams...** _

_**~ Tom Cochrane** _

_**#############################** _

The morning crept in nice and slow, and April awoke with the sun. She tiptoed across the room to stand on the balcony after taking another ginger tablet to settle her stomach. The sun was rising over a vineyard, and she stood in awe of the sight before her. She wondered why her mother had never shared this dream with her and yet it did make some sense. The heart of any person contains a certain amount of secrecy, and this just happened to be her mother's. Some dreams are so big we're afraid to say we want them to come true. Some dreams we don't even know we want until they present themselves as possible, like Merle's dream of a traditional life.

The back of the hotel he'd found was idyllic, with a pond and a field of grass and wildflowers and beyond that, the vineyard. It was desolate in the early morning hour; it wasn't even 6 am. Merle was still laying in bed snoring softly; it was the perfect time to let her mother go.

There was only a small amount of ash, and she opened the urn to remove the plastic bag. Of all the places for a person's remains to wind up, a plastic bag was just completely unfit for her mother who had felt so trapped in life.

"You wanted to come here all your life, Mom. It only seems fit that part of you should stay. Maybe you can still find that hot Italian man you were looking for in the spirit world."

April grinned at her own gallows humor and turned the bag upside down.

A calm breeze carried the ash out off the balcony and into the air, and she only shed a few tears before realizing this was just what she needed.

She watched the sun rise a little higher until she heard Merle groan and roll over in bed. Today she'd become his wife, and she couldn't wait.

April walked back inside, crawled into bed next to him then leaned in to kiss his lips.

Merle stretched and growled, and she grinned at his morning grizzly bear routine.

"Good morning," she cooed, wrapping her leg around his waist and snuggling up close.

"We ain't gonna make it till tonight to make love if you don't back up."

"I say we do it this morning and tonight," she purred.

She could feel him growing hard against her inner thigh already, and she reached her hand down to grab his ass.

"I have a surprise for you later," she whispered.

"Don't make me wait," he said, leaning in to kiss her and pulling her in tighter by her lower back.

"You have to wait...I'm going to tell you when you're my husband," she grinned.

"Will I like it?" he asked playfully, rolling her under him and sliding his hand up her shirt.

"I think so," she answered, reaching between them to take hold of his dick.

"Mmmm...I definitely like this."

He pulled her shirt up and teased his tongue over her nipples as she squirmed to opened her legs around him.

He purposely kept his hard cock from touching her panties, and she ached for him. He made her so crazy; she knew he was the only man she'd ever want.

He sucked a little harder, making her breath catch in her throat and a moan escape her lips.

"Take me, baby."

"Slide those panties off; I got something for ya."

The way he spoke made her so wet sometimes without even touching her. He wasn't afraid to be a man, and she loved that.

He held himself up with his left arm as his right hand took hold of his dick. Slow and soft he teased the head over her throbbing lips.

"Please..." she panted.

"Tell me your secret," he insisted, looking her right in the eye.

"I wanted to tell you after the wedding," she whined.

"Tell me now," he pressed, entering her but only a half an inch.

"I...you...you have to wait..." she countered.

He lowered his head to take her right nipple into his mouth and sucked softly as his dick made contact with her clit and slid back and forth across it. April arched her back and spread her legs wide, so close to cumming and wanting so badly for him to penetrate her.

Then he stopped completely.

"Merle!"

"Tell me!" he laughed. "Tell me now, or I won't finish."

"I'm pregnant."

"No."

His face betrayed just how stunned he was, and she found it amusing.

"Yes," she nodded.

Merle leaned down and kissed her hard and simultaneously filled her with his painfully hard dick.

She moaned beneath him, and he went mad with excitement and love, pulling her leg around his back and laying into her with everything he had.

He buried his face in her neck, licking and biting at her throat; he needed to claim her completely. She was his woman. Archaic as it sounded, he kept repeating it in his mind; she was his woman, and now she was carrying their child.

Merle's hand slid between them, and touched her right where she needed it; he wanted her to come apart all over his dick.

"Let it go, honey...I wanna feel it."

"So close...don't stop."

He nudged her gently to the edge of the cliff and then tossed her over.

"Mmmm God...uh...fuuuuck!"

The heavy breathing and moaning were unmatched; she was an orgasm performance artist if ever there was one.

He pushed all the hair off her face and kissed her forehead as she panted his name.

Merle thrusting slowed it up as she floated back to the land of reality and he grinned like the devil.

"You're mine, April...all mine..."

"I'm yours, baby," she agreed, completely out of breath and almost blind with lust.

He rolled onto his back, and she rode him hard until he broke, grabbing her waist and pulling her body down on his.

Making love to April was all he'd ever need, and the intimacy of being with the one woman he actually loved was the only sex he'd ever accept from then on.

_**##################** _

"How long have you been keeping that from me?" he inquired as he held her afterward.

"Almost a full week, it wasn't easy, but when we decided to get married I figured I'd wait till after, but then you wouldn't let me," she laughed.

"We're having a baby," he mused just cause he had to hear it out loud again.

"What do you want?" she asked, pulling the sheet up to her chin and kissing his neck.

"Just a baby. I don't care if it's a girl or boy...just our baby."

"I love you, Merle, you're gonna be a great father."

"I sure hope so, honey. I'm sure gonna try my best."

"Do you want to go find a place to spread your mother's ashes before our appointment at city hall?"

"I took care of that this morning already," she informed him.

"Where?"

"All over that beautiful scene out there...off the balcony."

"Feel better?"

"I feel great, thanks for helping me let her go."

"It was nothing."

"No, it wasn't nothing. You were a good friend to her, and you listened to her, that's how you knew the password. You're a good man, and now you're mine."

Merle didn't quite know what to say; he was just contented that she was happy. All his rhetoric about marriage, monogamy and the needs of man felt like nonsense now. He was about to become a husband and father, and then the real learning would begin about what it truly meant to be a man, not just a naked ape.

"I love you, April."

_**~ The End ~** _

**Author's Note:**

> OK, this Merle is going to be a fair bit different than the Merle I typically write. I have a tendency to write the side of Merle I see as vulnerable and sensitive and this is me writing the more cocky, mouthy and crafty side of his personality. I believe Merle was actually quite intelligent and enjoyed learning (the one thing he missed about Woodbury was the 'damn fine library'). I think in different circumstances he would have craved education if he'd had the opportunity or direction so this story expands on that assumption.  
> Just so you have an idea what I'm aiming at, he's a 'House' type character but maybe not so quite far. lol There are times when he may seem a little frank, overly cheeky/sexual or cold about certain matters and that is by design. It will make the way the story plays out even better I believe so try not to hate him too much. LOL  
> All of the anthropology facts in this were found through watching hours of TEDTalks and lectures and the title comes from the book by Desmond Morris called 'The Naked Ape' which is important to the story and a book I adore:) Enjoy! Teagan xo  
> * I know it's short, teasing prologue here but that's just how it happened. I'll post chapter two this evening and then I'll be posting a chapter every day as usual after that.


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